Colleague off sick due to 'stress' when she is partying

MisterMan_2

FBaby wrote: »

I totally disagree with saying that it is ok to have fun outside of home when signed off for work related stress. It is not because of the stress itself that you get signed off, it is because of the effect that stress has on your life, as in it makes you feel so ill that you can't continue with your work. If you are getting that ill, then going out having fun shouldn't be a possibility.

The problem is that people beg their GPs to sign them off for stress just because they find it very difficult to cope at work, not being they have reached the stage when they are ill with it and GPs do it because they can't be bothered to argue with the patient, or to ruin their patient-clinician relationship.

You make it sound like a person is either laid up in bed suffering from stress, or well enough to be in work... Which is if that's the case, this has to be one of the most ignorant posts on this thread.

paulineb_2

FBaby wrote: »

But that's the issue. Being able to cope is subjective. Struggling to cope doesn't mean that their situation is much more difficult to cope with than the situation their colleagues are facing. Some people push themselves to cope, others feel overwhelmed at the slightest change, other collapse at the slightest sign of stress.

It's easy to understand how resentment grow. It's a bit like the sinking ship, those who get off immediately and those who battle on. It doesn't mean the one that got off first was the least able to battle on and help others.

I have seen colleagues totally disabled by work related stress, fighting until they just couldn't do it any longer. I have also seen colleagues who went off sick on stress just because they didn't get their way with one thing or another. In the end, it comes down to what category you believe the person falls under.

No it doesnt, not unless you are their manager. Its not for me to decide whether someone really is stressed or not.

I was talking to my mum a few weeks ago about how crippling the last bout of work related stress I had was. It wasnt the worse by a long chalk, but I think I had just had enough, having been in several jobs where I had been bullied and this was the last straw.

I have issues with confidence, self esteem. I didnt socialise for a long time, I suffered from insomnia but I didnt go around telling people and if people had seen me they would not have known and my mum said to me, when people see you, they wont see that, because you are chatty and bubbly. I dont come with a big sign on my head saying Ive suffered with work related stress but its there.

And as for resentment. If you have resentment that resentment should be directed at the people who caused the issues in the first place, not the person who is off ill. And employers, if someone is sick should get someone in even on a temporary basis to fill the role, but many employers dont.

You dont always have a clue how people really are inside and I will also say this, I battled on for a long time, in every job where I was suffering. I wish I hadnt, because all it did was make me more unwell.

If the OP was this girls manager then yes, she could take action.
She isnt.

And its ok to go to a night out if you have an arm in a cast but if what is wrong isnt visible, ie stress, its not ok?

Dont people realise the battle people have even with the medical profession to get stress or anxiety taken seriously? You cant see it so there's nothing wrong with you, but its fine if you've fallen over and broken your arm?

emma-uk

I've read a few comments along the line of "it's not like she was signed off with a bad back" and as someone with back problems who has recently had surgery to remove a slipped disk I would like to point out that sitting around doing nothing is actually discouraged. I have been advised by my Dr, consultant and physio team to keep active and mobile and that doing nothing but lying/sitting down is the worse thing to do.

mellymeepmeep

I was off for 3 months with anxiety and depression, looking at me you would never know I was ill, not all illnesses are visible. During that time getting out of the house was one of the most important steps in helping me overcome my problems, if I'd locked myself inside and stayed in bed all day like my mind was telling me to I would of never got on the road to recovery. Days out with family members and friends are often one of the best methods to get over mental health problems inlcuding stress.

SuzyZ

Another spin on things.

I was temping (about 4 years ago now) for Cancer Research UK HQ. It was in the Executive Office so Company Sec, Chairman etc were based there and I was Chairman's temp PA and helped out Company Sec.

Anyway, a secretary/PA who was part of that team was off sick (didn't say whether due to stress or not) but stupidly (I've done this too put stupid statuses to do with work not going out and partying!) put statuses about going out and partying on Facebook whilst she was off sick, supposedly ill, and not able to get up out of her bed!

What was amusing in one sense was that she'd *friended* her work colleagues but when they were on Facebook at work they could easily see (and commented to each other in the office) was she was up to, whilst she was off sick, with flu, or something.

This got her lots of nasty comments behind her back from the other secretaries in the office who had to pick up her work/cover for her, or if I was free as a temp, work for her. I didn't know her, I didn't have a view one way or the other, it was extra work for me. But the main grudges were "if she's that sick to take 2 weeks off work how can she be on Facebook saying she's partying?"). Another PA/secretary actually spoke to me about her behaviour saying "it's not professional, how can she get away with it, what do I do?" I just listened quietly. I don't think anyone ever reported/grassed up this secretary to her superiors but I'm sure the Company Secretary for one, heard the negative comments about being off sick/partying.

When she came back into the office it was another story - everyone was nice to her, asked how she was, a bit 2 faced really.

I know this is a different slant to being off sick with stress but if other colleagues *do* have to pick up other colleagues work when they know they aren't sick of course this causes resentment, if or if not cover is found for their work.

And I agree, if you have a sick note/fit note well there should be no questions asked. I can just see both sides of the coin.

paulineb_2

Edited, didnt think the girl was in her team at work, seems that she is.

The bottom line is though, if there are gaps left by this girls absence, its up to the management to fill them.

Has anyone been to management and said, look, us covering her shifts is causing the rest of us real problems?

duchy

My problem with this person would be the pattern of absence.

I've had time off with stress-I wasn't out partying but I was careful not to post when I did go out (trip to the coast for example) on FB.....but if her time off is always school holiday time I'd be hoping alarm bells rang with management.

monicaG84

Suzy this is a great point. You have outlined exactly what does happen at work behind the backs of people etc. I would ask you to put your very considered opinion into the fray - does the backchatting necessarily prove that the colleague is in the wrong Just because lots of people are saying something, doesn't make it correct.

Funky_Bold_Ribena

monicaG84 wrote: »

Suzy this is a great point. You have outlined exactly what does happen at work behind the backs of people etc. I would ask you to put your very considered opinion into the fray - does the backchatting necessarily prove that the colleague is in the wrong Just because lots of people are saying something, doesn't make it correct.

Doesn't make it wrong either...

hoo

Tigsteroonie wrote: »

^^ This.

I've had two periods off work with 'stress' (one was work overload, the second was anxiety) and both times the doctors have advised me to go out, get into the fresh air, do something - anything - different from routine to try and help clear my head rather than brooding on the issue.

Totally agree... to a point. When my partner was off with stress and depression her GP advised similar, so on my days off with her we went to the beach, or went on nice walks, had a weekend away just as the Dr ordered. However what she didn't then do is put photos & status updates on FB because it was about making her feel better not rubbing other colleagues noses in it intentionally or not.