Treated like rubbish by ex

CelticWriter

Been feeling down lately even though the relationship ended quite a while ago. My ex and I had plans to move in together, it was long distance with myself and two kids planning to move.
It was a strain on both of us but we were in love (or at least I was) so all the upheaval it would cause seemed worth it.

I was in the midst of a divorce and court proceedings as my ex husband began a custody battle when I told him I intended to move, basically it got messy but it seemed worth it to be together.

Long story short my then partner began acting suspiciously (hiding and switching off his phone, acting distant) until I confronted him and asked why he was doing it. He became really annoyed and literally marched me out of his house, ignored my pleading and calls through Christmas and simply cut me off.

He 'allowed' himself to talk just twice after that on the phone but refused to see me or discuss anything, I admit I made a complete fool of myself trying to contact him (he would speak by text only) but he then became quite nasty and sarcastic until finally threatening the police if I contacted him again. I was crushed as we had made so may plans and I was in the midst of a court case with my ex husband, and then being abandoned unceremoniously like that.
I find out a few months ago he is now happily settled with someone else who seems to have more to offer him in the way of a small child free house (he was heavily in debt and I was his shoulder to cry on throughout the relationship, my own emotional needs being thrown back in my face when I got sick of hearing about his ex and told him so)
I'm trying to make the best of my life, have a job now and support my kids on my own but I guess what I'm asking is why do I still feel so sad, was it too much to ask him to just give me a fair hearing? I feel I wouldn't be so stuck in this mindset if we had had a proper chat and just parted on some sort of amicable level, instead I feel I've been tossed aside and he's having this great new life with someone else, I do wish him well, just miffed that he couldn't care less about me or wish me the same.
Sorry this is so long, and I'm sure the heat is making me feel worse! just need to get it off my chest somehow.

krlyr

Spin it around and feel sorry for the new partner - sounds like you got a very lucky escape, if that's how he thinks it's OK to treat people!

zzzLazyDaisy

You can't make someone love you, if they don't.
You can't make someone talk to you, of they don't want to.
You can't change what's happened, or how they are behaving towards you.

All you can do is change the way you respond to what has happened, and change the way you feel about it.

In other words, how you are feeling right now is nothing to do with him, and everything to do with you. You are the only person who can pick you up and get you over it.

He just doesn't care, as far as he is concerned, you are history, and he has a new life.

Sorry if this sounds harsh, but it is the truth.

dandelionclock30

You'll get over it in time, honestly.Your just hurt and it takes a while to get over.
Spend more time doing nice things with your friends or get out doing something new etc. You will find that you stop thinking about him because you have better things to concentrate on.

BitterAndTwisted

When you've been unceremoniously dumped there is no such thing as a "fair hearing" and even if there was, it wouldn't make a slight bit of difference either to him and the way he behaves or to the way you feel.

Being tossed aside without warning is cruel but the best and quickest way to reaching the understanding that he's not worth the dirt under your nails and that you truly are deserving of so much better.

It might not feel like it now but you've had a really, really lucky escape. Better to be alone than shackled to an a-hole. An a-hole who doesn't deserve your further consideration.

CelticWriter

Thanks for the responses and I know it will fade over time, though I'm worse off financially because of it which has made it harder to cope in many ways, probably finding out about his new life didn't help either, ignorance is bliss as they say.

BitterAndTwisted

You might be worse off financially in the short-term but long-term you will be much better off emotionally.

He's an a-hole who treated you appallingly and with total cowardice. One day you'll be grateful that he showed you his true colours before it was too late.

Onwards and upwards! There's a whole life's-worth of happiness and contentment out there just around the corner