Learning to Forgive

shaz77_2

Hi All,

I'm finding it difficult to forgive my mother over a deep hurt she did to me over one year ago. We have hardly spoke since and she has made no apology for what she did - in fact she continues to make life difficult.

There is no talking to her at times and she tends to make up a lot of lies, is there anyway to reconcile this issue? I feel it's preventing me from moving on.

marisco_2

How would you like to reconcile the issue with your mum? Does resolving this situation properply to your satisfaction, mean that you wish to talk this through with her, share perspective, sort things out and move on together? If so then you may need an intermediatary to help you, maybe a close mutual friend or a loved one. Or could counselling help you both, is that something your mum would be open to considering?

If you are thinking of cutting ties with her, and removing the drama and upset she brings into your life, then perhaps counselling just for yourself may be beneficial. Having a neutral person to guide you through your emotions and feelings, could help you see things more clearly and enable you to make a careful and considered decision about what you do next. I am sorry to hear that you are in this position. It is horrible when there is a feeling of disharmony between those we love.

McKneff

Write her a letter, she can read that word for word, and cant interrupt you if you were actually talking to her.

Then see what happens.

Artytarty

Shaz, I know this sounds trite but from personal experience the greatest give you can give TO YOURSELF is forgiveness of another. It lifts a huge burden of festering resentment from your shoulders. Do it for you, not her. good Luck.

Gigglepig

Regarding reconciliation I think it depends on whether the person you have the issue with is capable of understanding and behaving differently. Some people just don't have the empathy to understand how their actions affect others, and you are likely to be stuck in a loop where you get hurt over and over again. Most people do have empathy and emotional intelligence, but not all. If your mother is one of the few that do not, it may be better for you to forgive her from a distance.

pukkamum

I have had issues with my sister and though there has been no apology on her part we have reconciled as there are children involved etc.
I could have held my ground, waited for an apology etc, but to what end neither of us will ever concede the point and I refuse to allow a grudge determine the rest of my life, I'm not that type of person and nor do I wish to be, I feel the better person for forgiving and forgetting.
Having said that the relationship is now run under my rules, I dont pander to her whims and no longer allow her to manipulate me, and though I am sure it will cause further arguments I will stay strong and be true to myself.
Forgiving feels a lot better than letting anger build inside.