Mighty Titan Overdraft will crumble!

hohum

I asked boyfriend why he liked the four bedroom house the best. This was his reasoning:

- he could have a room for all his workout equipment, and I could have an office. And we could have a guest bedroom or a lodger.
- if one of us had friends over, the other wouldn't have to be part of socialising if we didn't want to (basically, he has friends round and I do a lot of socialising outside of home. So he's thinking about that).

Basically, rooms seem to mean something more to him than they do for me - abundance? Freedom? I'm looking at it going 'running costs, cleaning, managing burgeoning possessions

I think outside space means something to me like rooms do for him. Having lived in a flat, all I can think about is hot summer days and having nowhere to sit and enjoy them. I enjoy outside spaces that have some feeling of refuge/ retreat. Our current garden I've worked on to improve within my means, but I can't stop next door kids from skying the ball into our garden every 15 mins.

The semi detached property is his least favourite. I think because of the street. He transfers this concern to me eg 'I don't want you upset by idiots'. I am less upset by idiots than he is. But out of the two of us, I'm the one that will stand out because I am so clearly not from round there. Eg, I'm well spoken and pretty much look and sound like I'm super middle class. I suspect there'd never be any trouble but I'd have to go on approachability offensive in order to get any interaction with neighbours. After four years in our current place, we say hello in the street and I chat to the kids of neighbours next door. It took those four years before the Dad stopped reacting as if I'd sprouted two heads when I would say hello/ drop off parcels etc.

Annoyingly, I am actually from 'round there' in that I went to middle school in an estate very like the one the house is in. And spent the whole time being called 'posh'. No lie, in the first week I was there three kids surrounded me in the playground and did what appeared to be a house inventory: 'You got a phone? You got a telly?' and the final question 'YOU POSH?'. It speaks to my privilege that I had no frickin idea why they thought it was important that I had a phone or a telly or whatever.

It speaks to my privilege that I'm having these considerations at all, given that buying a house is being made possible through our families gifting us deposits....

@Lilt, your list of things made me think of what I am unconsciously considering when buying a house due to prior experience..

- are there enough plug sockets in each room? We rent a house that only has one per room. We have to do slightly risky extension cord manoeuvres...
- 'stripped wooden floors' is not an asset in a Victorian terrace unless the property is really well insulated. And preferably has underfloor heating. I actually like carpets!
- can I fit a fridge in the kitchen (house we live in now, fridge is in cellar because worlds worst decorators)
- does it have outside space? Can I sit in outside space and enjoy it?
- how far is it from the shop and what time is shop open to?
- how regularly do the buses run?
- if it's back to back terrace, what are the neighbours on the other street like? (friend had issues with the neighbours that shared the back wall of their back to back. Really, really noisy and in these kind of houses you can hear shouted conversations, bangin tunes, etc)

liltdiddylilt

Lovely to see your list of considerations. Mine is somewhat similar. Outdoor space is a must have, for both me (country girl) and for my daughter/future kids. All well and good that I live 2 minutes from the beach and 'The Leas' but that isn't MY space. I can't relax there. I can't open a door and let Jelly out and not have to worry

Water pressure is another huge bugbear of mine!! If my shower isn't powerful enough I scream. Thick curly hair and a dripping shower instead of full on power drives me insane!

Neighbours don't worry me nearly as much because once I am through my door, that is it, but if you are on top of each other then it is more difficult to ignore them. I can see what he is saying with the big house, but in reality it will just end up being rooms full of junk that is hard to clean, cold in winter, cold or hot in summer, and nowhere to go to enjoy the fresh air.

There is a house out there that is perfect for both of you I am sure of it!

hohum

liltdiddylilt wrote: »

Lovely to see your list of considerations. Mine is somewhat similar. Outdoor space is a must have, for both me (country girl) and for my daughter/future kids. All well and good that I live 2 minutes from the beach and 'The Leas' but that isn't MY space. I can't relax there. I can't open a door and let Jelly out and not have to worry

Water pressure is another huge bugbear of mine!! If my shower isn't powerful enough I scream. Thick curly hair and a dripping shower instead of full on power drives me insane!

Neighbours don't worry me nearly as much because once I am through my door, that is it, but if you are on top of each other then it is more difficult to ignore them. I can see what he is saying with the big house, but in reality it will just end up being rooms full of junk that is hard to clean, cold in winter, cold or hot in summer, and nowhere to go to enjoy the fresh air.

There is a house out there that is perfect for both of you I am sure of it!

That is exactly my thing about outside space, lilt. I either like it where no-one else is around, or it's completely my own to use as I see fit. plus I like doing my slow gardening and looking at plants and what they're doing . Lawn in our rent place is a complete mess, I've just given up on it because really it needs digging up and starting again and I'm not doing that on a rented property.

I got to give boyfriend his birthday present today! :j I was more excited than he is. And I think at the moment he's more excited about buying himself football manager HOWEVER as soon as he starts to be able to use it to watch things where he likes, I know it will become much more favoured And when we hook it up to the tv...

So today I will book in a second viewing on two houses. I want to go scope out the semi detached place at different times to get a better sense of the area. I will also be making boyfriend's favourites, pork and prawn dumplings. All his favourite foods are the ones that take frikkin hours to prepare, I swear...

Last night we plotted out Christmas gifts to prep/ secure. I think I have put enough aside so here's hoping my calculations were correct! My family are super easy because they mostly like the home made hampers I do.His are easy but he's more hung up on the value of the presents, so we're spending a touch more. I will be doing more chutney this weekend, and some decopatch for presentation boxes. I hadn't planned to do hampers but everyone's asked for them, so I'm a bit behind in making the actual stuff.

for my sister's boyfriend: just jam. Mostly strawberry because frankly I think everything else is secondary to him!

For sister no 1: jar chilli & pepper jelly, possibly sugared nuts and maybe some pickles or preserved lemons. Plus some earrings at £10.

Sister no 2: jams, chutneys, some kind of no gluten treat, homemade choc truffles, maybe a voucher for a cafe she likes, (she's a student but loves little treats) £10

Mum: sorted. world of vintage buttons. I spent £10 and got all the buttons in the world. Just need to decopatch little box to put them in

Dad: really, really hard to buy for. Chutneys. Lots of chutneys and jams, possibly some kind of ginger preserve. Have made a Christmas cake and that's also kind of his present.

Also need to make little hamper for boyfriend's parents (x 2)

Need to do labels and cut out fabric for jar covers.

And need some more jam jars! Last batch of chutney was enormous and wiped out my stores...

hohum

Some thoughts prompted by a visit to our friends last night. It's a group I was at 6th form with and we all still hang out together - not massively regularly but every few months.

Anyway it's funny because evvvvrybody is doing the same thing at the same time. Right now it's all about getting married (two couples announced engagement at same time) and buying houses (one couple just closing on a sale, we're looking, another have been in their house 6months.

And part of me is getting the lifestyle envy. They have a lovely house and lovely decor. They are buying in places that we can't afford to.

OTH, what do I value? Time, time and time I think. I don't want to spend 40 hours a week doing something I'm not keen on. I'd rather have less and I DO WHAT I LIKE (inner toddler resurfacing there).

Boyfriend I think felt it too. He was in a funny mood when we got back, couldn't settle. I bugged him about it and he said he was thinking about being an adult and how he should be more of an adult, but he didn't like responsibilities. Ironically, I have observed time and again that he is much less restless when he has lots of responsibilities funny sausage. i think he likes responsibility (needs responsibility?) more than he lets on.

I also am a bit of a kid, even if I am the responsible party in our relationship because I like doing what I like! I like as little monthly financial responsibility as possible. And part of my not making children happen is the fear of not being able to just what I like with my time this is probably why we connect so much.

However, I also see what the downside to no responsibility is...you always float and I believe your life is less rich with no responsiblity. So I am not so hung up on that. I do get seduced by consumer desires though and that's when I have to ask myself 'do you want to make the decisions that will facilitate you to spend more money on things' and the answer is pretty much no every time.

hohum

Hey guess who has two thumbs and was able to buy one of her oldest friends dinner last night? Me that's who! And it was BYOB plus reasonable so we ended up doing very well from a lowspend point of view.

The housebuying saga continues...my Dad leans towards the semi detached, mostly (funnily enough) because of location as it's basically right on the borders of nice area, near to a bit of a transport hub/ stores. I posted in the housebuying forum re neighbours, and despite people clearly thinking I am a massive snob, the suggestion was 'go talk to the neighbours' so I will this weekend.

hohum

So I am completely awake on a Sunday morning. I went to bed late...just because really! And now I am up with mind racing. It is actually a good kind of mind racing but I am very much in a spin.

So basically I knew that I had some inheritance coming to me. What I did not expect is that it would be the amount it is. So in one sense, that's my debt free meander over. Once I decided to tackle the debt, I can honestly say I feel my mighty Titan overdraft was pretty small beans. Especially in comparison to some of the journeys on here. I will return to this thought...

However I am really glad I have started this process. It's helped me and boyfriend learn more about ourselves and money, and what we each value. I have begun to challenge my 'I'm skint/ I can't afford it' thinking particularly re gifts and experiences. I have discovered that I am actually a saver and that the way to deal with irregular income is to have rainy day funds. Also that behaviour change is more about working with improving context and motivations than willpower.

So back to this inheritance thing..it's an amazing thing. And I'm also considering not using it to pay off the remaining £844 or so of my overdraft debt (actually probably less by the time I will receive the money). Part of that is because I am not sure that the debt is now affecting my quality of life as much so it is not so urgent. I am not paying interest on the debt (hallelujah). And also because it feels like cheating, and I don't get to say 'yeah I did that'. I am a bit embarrassed by the generosity and my good fortune tbh. Isn't that odd? I can happily write down the exact details of my debt and don't give two hoots about friends/family knowing how much I owed on overdraft. But I find it hard to write that I've inherited £20k. There! It's out! And it's very probably about deservingness. That money is the result of other people's hard work and careful investing, and then a decision by the direct inheritors to disperse the money amongst us children in the family. It feels wrong to put it into getting me out of debt, especially when I am able right now to accommodate debt repayment without discomfort.

liltdiddylilt

Hey you!!

That is utterly incredible news about the inheritance. Whilst I see 100% why you are feeling slightly embarrassed/in awe of it... you deserve it. it is what other people wanted for YOU and therefore it is your choice what you choose to do with that money.

You're not paying interest on that debt so technically you are out of debt. If you are likely to go back into paying for it in the near future I would clear it, but I know what you are saying about the scrimping and feeling like you have made an achievement. I know you have already come to your own personal lightbulbs re your relationship with money and saving, and that will stick with you for a lifetime, but I remember being in debt, through technically no 'fault' of my own, a year after moving. My mum and dad bailed me out to the tune of £2k and I was embarrassed about that. Not only that but I didn't respect the lack of debt because I didn't work at all to pay it off. This time around, I have not only paid off my meagre debt, I have learned a lifetimes worth of how to save, scrimp, enjoy on less money. That is priceless, so maybe you should pay it off the hard way!

I do not, under any circumstances wish to be a meanie. I am not saying this because I think anything will happen. I am saying it from sad experience. I know that you are going to put this fabulous inheritance to use in setting you up a home. More money on top of the deposit? A repalcement for the deposit? A new kitchen. Whatever you do with it, which is 100% YOUR CHOICE, please underwrite it somehow. Cover yourself, even if only with a solicitors letter at a cost of £35, signed by both you, bf & witness... make sure that your inheritance does not disappear if things go wrong. I never in a million years thought that I would get anything but a fairytale ending with ex. 5 years after a vaguely amicable break up, we no longer speak, he owes me thousands and I am trapped in a mortgage he refuses to let me out of, on a horrible house which has stood empty for over a year. And I found that out from my best friend when I went to her house and she had half of my furniture. Ex gave it to them for free even whilst he owes me money for it still. Learn from my mistakes. You've got your head screwed on where I didn't have, but just think how to protect yourself should the worst happen

Big hugs, and congratulations you!!

Also, maybe you should buy something. A token to remember the person from whom the inheritance came? My Pop is on his way out and I know I have a very small inheritance, talking in the hundreds, not thousands here. But I will use some of it for a memorial piece of jewellery for both me and Jelly xx

hohum

Thanks lilt! And definitely, have already raised the letter thing with boyfriend as he would be putting money into the house too. As we're not married would like to try and protect ourselves a little.

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So Christmas was lovely despite me having a massive cold. We came in at £300 between us for all Christmas related expenditure (gifts, food) which is about what I had expected and budgeted for so wins there.

Briefly had a moment of considering whether needing a new bed qualified as an emergency resisting that for now.

Plus a bit concerned about February income wise - boyfriend has some bits and pieces of work but it's not going to add up to loads.If we stop funding savings/ emergency fund etc we should get through OK. OTH, he could easily pick up some work in the next couple of weeks. It's how it seems to go! January is currently still a bit tight but that's 'not quite able to fund all our categories' tight. We still have enough in the bank to pay bills and feed ourselves. Will just need to be a bit more frugal as we've relaxed into being able to pay for things the last couple of months. We've still some stuff we can sell, plus I would like to declutter further so hopefully that could raise a few pennies.

hohum

Oh and re little gift, yes. She was always very stylish, and in a way I feel that jewellery would be very appropriate. However, she did also leave some jewellery that we are talking about choosing a few pieces from. I already have a piece that looking through pictures we realised she wore loads. I am not a big jewellery person but I've made an effort to wear it more - amber beads - and I love love love them. It makes me think of that aspect of her and it makes me smile. It would need to be something beautiful though, she was a great appreciator of beauty. Maybe not jewellery but something decorative and enduring. Possibly a painting. I am going to sit on it and see...

supersaver1000

Just delurking (I'm not stalking Lilt - honest) to say great news about your inheritance. Just make sure it works hard for you I'm sure you will) and definitely protect your asseTs until and if you get married.