Seek advice from a solicitor?

kellejelly

Oh were to start, Me and my partner split up 3 weeks ago, with me finding out he had been with someone else.And to cut a long story short he is now demanding to see the children.

The thing is that for 4 years it was a violent realationship and he is saying because there is no recordred proof they wont believe a thing i say, and because he is in good employment and has a better education then me they will see in favour of him should he contact the courts for access.

I also suffered with depression when i was a teenager and he said this will rule against me too.

I have had to move in with my parents and share a single bed with my son just to get way from him. I am not bothered about the furniture etc I just want to be happy and too the kids.

I am just scared of going to see a solicitor because the ex says i will try to do every in my power toget the kids off you. Hmm because i have suffered with depression because of eating disorder (i was 16) They will take the kids away from me- he says. I have never done anything to hurt them and they have always had all the love i can give them.

I cant describe how much i hate this man. I give him access to the children last week but he has been questioning my little boy (4 years old) with things like what has mummy been saying about Daddy? i really dont want him asking these sort of things.

I dont feel he is fit enough to cope, i honestly dont and for the 5 years i have lived with him he never once bothered with the children. I just feel like hes using the children to get at me. And its really not fair

Do you think i should see a solicitor?

I am not stoping him from seeing his own children but i just think he needs to grow up and needs someone there to supervise him. I refuse to go anywhere near him...

Many thanks

Jelly!

melancholly

I don't really know what to say, other than you should probably be speaking to someone at the CAB or a solicitor. I'm sure someone with better advice will be along soon though!

sounds horrible - i would ignore everything he is saying right now and take some professional advice.

taggiesgirl

Ok, 1st of all please do NOT worry, there is no way he can use the fact that you have had depression against you. My ex- tried this with me saying he was going to tell the courts i was an unfit mother as i had in the past pnd.
The courts would let him take my son away from me because his dad has more money than me (tables have turned now my hubby and i have more money than him and his dad!!).:rotfl:
He could give son better life etc etc ...... you get the picture used everything he could!!!:rotfl:

Anyway, you will HAVE to let your child see their father but contact will start of slowly then building up.
I know believe me it is hard but please try not to worry, he does not have any valid reason to take the child away from you.(from what you have said).

Good luck and best wishes to you and your child x

TheWaltons_3

More than half of the UK is depressed or has been ... why would that go against you? The Judge and everyone else has probably suffered with it in the past....

Forget this controlling man, go see a solicitor and do what is right for your children. It is very snidy of him to even mention that he has a better education than you etc etc... this is Mental Abuse. So what you have no proof that he is violent. He IS and that's that.

Do not let him control you when you aren't in a relationship. You need to move on. He shouldn't be quizzing your little ones. It might be upsetting for the children, but there are contact centres with supervised access for cases like this.

You must be devastated at this time, I hope all goes well and you find the strenth to finally get rid of this control freak.

Kimitatsu

Seek legal advice!

To be honest it sounds like he has scared you half to death with his threats and most of them will be unfounded. Why should a bout of depression at 16 make you a bad mum? If that was the case the population would be extinct by now given the amount of disaffected youths!

If (and this is if) it goes to court then your case will be reviewed by a CAFCAS officer who will look at how both parents react individually with the child their living arrangements etc. You will have the opportunity to bring up the violence in the relationship and why you dont want to be near him. If you seek legal advice then a solicitor can advise you of your rights now, my advice would be to get him to talk to you through an intermediary in the meantime that way you have a witness to the conversations and threatening behaviour.

In the meantime if he wants access then go through the process of mediation and insist that he has supervised contact at a contact centre, that way your son is in a safe plae and it will be more difficult for your ex to blackmail you.

Education and a job mean nothing, you are obviously a good mum, so get some legal advice and keep moving forward.

Loretta

I think women's aid would be a great help to you

hobo28

Its important to distinguish whether or not he was violent to you or the kids. Just because he was a bad partner doesn't make him a bad father.

He will get some form of contact I dare say. He is almost certainly not going to get residence (ie. get the kids off you). Not unless you enter the court room waddling like a duck whilst singing "I'm a little teapot!".

Anyway, I'm no solicitor so get yourself some proper legal advice and don't give him to his emotional blackmail.

misswig

Kellejelly

See a solicitor ASAP. They will put everything straight for you. In no circumstatnces will they take your children away and give him to this man just because you had mental health issues when you were younger. You obviously were strong and got over them. The only way this would happen is if you still had problems and were seen as a danger to your children which you are obviously not as you have done the best thing for you all by leaving. :T Even then, agencies would work with you to move heaven and eath to keep you together.

Was the house jointly owned? if so you are entitled to at least 50% of the equity if not more. You are also entitled to stay in the house and for him to move out but this may take time and from what you describe you are better off out of the house and away from him

Was he violent to the children or in front of the children at all? Do you have any evidence of violence? If so, this could work in your favour re access etc. I understand your concerns re letting the children see him and subjecting them to what you have described as manipulitive ways

I have been in the same situationa s you albeit with a non violent partner so i truely do understand your fears and concerns. You have done the hard bit by leaving him:T :T Dont let him wear you down with these threats, they are meaningless and empty, he is probably venting his anger and frustration at having lost you and the children. Get a solicitor (you may qualify for legal aid) ad some advice and start telling HIM what will be happening!!

Good luck and i will be thinking of you and the children

kellejelly

Hi guys!

Thanks for all the advice, time to stop putting my head in the sand and stand up for myself. I have rang a solicitor and have an appointment for next week!

I cant believe how selfish he has been today, my child benefits 3 weeks got paid into his account by mistake today and he is refusing to give me it! so i have been told by child benefit to ring the anti fraud benefit helpline because legally he is not entitled to that because its the childrens money not his!!

And also does anyone know if we are entitled to anything from the house?
We have been together for 6 years in June (not married)

I dont want to stay in the home because its rented (name of both of us on tenancy )
and i am scared that because it is only a 6 month contract the landlord wont renew it because i would be claiming housing benefit. It is £100 a week and i dont think housing would pay this amount. I wish i could stay there , due to the fact its a lovely area and next to my sons new school.But life is not about that its about being happy and everyday is getting better

Once again thx guys you have been really helpful and its nice to know im not the only one in the same boat.

hobo28

I'm a bit confused kellejelly.

You say you've moved into your parents with your son yet you talk about your children. Did you all move in or did some stay with your ex?

Also, you say you don't want to stay in the home because its rented but then say you do and ask if your ex is entitled to anything. Well why would he if it is rented?

Sorry maybe I'm getting the wrong end of the stick here.

kellejelly

Yes i have 2 children Owen and Emily 2 and 4. Me and the children moved into my parents to get away from the family home. If i had the chance to move back to the family home then i would, if my ex-partner moved out. What i am trying to say is, he says all the furniture is his and even the kids toys etc! But can that really be true.

I am on income support because i am simply an emotional wreck at the moment. But when my life is back on track i will return to work ( i count the days)

But the house is 3 bedrooms and has a living room and dining room, but i really dont know if housing benefit will pay the full amount while i am on income support! If you do not understand me then please say because i dont think i understand myself at the moment.