Am i wrong

tosca5

Split up with my partner over a year ago, i left him.
He has regular contact seeing the children and phones 3-4 times a week he always tells me how much he loves me and wants our family back together.
I don't want that i am happy on my own.
So why am i so upset to discover that he stayed with a woman when he was recently away on a business trip. He never told me this by the way, not that it is really any of my business.
I'm so confused at the way i am feeling.

pinkshoes

You have to work out why your relationship failed, and why you prefer being without him than with him.

Obviously the relationship wasn't a complete disaster, because you have children together, so naturally there's going to be bits of the relationship you really enjoyed and will miss, and some other woman is now enjoying that rather than you, but you must've thought the bad bits were worse than the good bits were good, otherwise you wouldn't have left him.

Hope that makes sense and helps a bit!

paddy's_mum

Perhaps you are upset because he would appear to have moved on from you while you still have residual feelings. It is hard to let go of the good bits when a relationship breaks down and painful to realise that something is really ended.

In our society, everyone cheers and celebrates a wedding yet the ending of a marriage/relationship is often encouraged to remain unspoken-of and in some ways, almost ignored. The failure of a relationship can cause all sorts of illogical feelings - they are not thought out but are emotional responses. Those feelings do not need to have a reason - they simply exist.

I suspect too that if he has been cajoling you with I-love-you's and the like, to find out about this other lady (I assume you mean that they slept together?) is a real slap in the face, and a further knock to your feelings.

It is so easy to say and so very hard to do, but if you can, try not to brood upon it, keep busy (with children, what other option have you!) and just let the soreness die down again. Good luck and hope you feel much happier very soon.