ESA and maintenance / travel costs?

diaboliquesaint

Hi,
My 4 year old son lives with his mother and I have recently moved almost 300 miles away to move in with my partner. It was a very difficult decision but due to health reasons and the situation I think it's for the best. I've been with my partner long distance for almost 2 years.
But anyway, I heard that it is possible to get help with travel costs but everybody seems to say it is through the CSA payments? Problem is I don't pay CSA and I never have. My partner and I are on ESA benefits and I have an agreement with my son's mother about finances, which is fine with both of us. I have my son as much as possible (all holidays, 6 straight weeks in summer, as many weekends or any other days as possible) so it is now quite expensive and my ex partner wants me to take my son more and more.
I don't even know if I should be paying maintenance? We've never looked into it. Or is there any other way of claiming travel costs without the CSA?
Help needed!
Thanks

clearingout

so you want the state to support your moving 300 miles away from your child by paying your travel costs to see said child as well as your living costs?

If you paid maintenance through the CSA, there would be a reduction in your payments as a result of your travelling costs. As you are on benefits and have your child over night, your liability would be only £5 a week, reduced to £0 because you see the child.

I'm really not sure what it is you expected?

diaboliquesaint

I have moved down here for medical reasons, to be seen by specialists and am now top of the list as it is a new project. There was no way of staying where I was.
I'm living on very little money and having to spend £80 per round trip to collect my child and I do this as much as possible because I actually like to see him but I can't afford it. Now I have his mother complaining because it seems having my son for 6 weeks straight, then every holiday and every other weekend and part of the following week isn't enough!
I really miss my son so much and I didn't think it was too harsh to look for ways to be able to see him? Money is very low now and even travelling for holidays is difficult.
But thank you for your very helpful sarcastic reply!

Thomas_The_Tank_Top

diaboliquesaint wrote: »

I have moved down here for medical reasons, to be seen by specialists and am now top of the list as it is a new project.

You chose to move. Obviously, the needs of the one, out weighed the needs of the many.

diaboliquesaint wrote: »

I'm living on very little money and having to spend £80 per round trip to collect my child and I do this as much as possible because I actually like to see him but I can't afford it.

Climb aboard Megabus - Only £1 to many places.

diaboliquesaint wrote: »

Now I have his mother complaining because it seems having my son for 6 weeks straight, then every holiday and every other weekend and part of the following week isn't enough!

You need to tell your ex this, not us.

diaboliquesaint wrote: »

I really miss my son so much and I didn't think it was too harsh to look for ways to be able to see him? Money is very low now and even travelling for holidays is difficult.

Look for ways to be able to see him? By asking if the magic money fairy is available to fund your visits? It's not as if you are paying any child support is it?

Megabus. £1 to many places. National Express about £20 return all over the UK.

diaboliquesaint wrote: »

But thank you for your very helpful sarcastic reply!

You're very welcome.

diaboliquesaint

Everybody involved agrees that it is for the best that I move here for specialist treatment.
I wasn't looking for a 'money fairy' but people get funding for all sorts of things these days, such ridiculous things. I didn't think it was too much to ask to be able to see my son at a really difficult time.
I can't use coaches or trains at the moment. Driving is really the only option.
But then you hate people on benefits and have no understanding whatsoever. Working 12 hour days is the hardest thing in the world isn't it? I've done it too, for years. But I'd swap what you're doing for what I have right now in an instant.
People are usually so helpful on here

Dunroamin

Perhaps the child's mother, who presumably receives CB/CTC for him, could bring him half way and cut your travelling costs by 50%. On the other hand, as you pay no maintenance for him, she may not feel that this is a reasonable thing to do.

diaboliquesaint

Thanks Dunroamin,
She isn't the easiest person to deal with to be honest. And she is very short of money too so I wouldn't even ask.
I don't pay maintenance because she hasn't asked me to and as somebody mentioned, I think it would be £5 per week. I pay much more than that anyway. I buy his clothes, I order shopping/groeceries online to be delivered, I buy him gifts and things he needs, I take him out to places. Plus the petrol costs which Are £160 if I have him here for a week or whatever amount of time. My partner has a disabled child and two other children so we have to be back here for him all the time.
I just thought in this situation that there might have been some kind of help but we'll carry on as we are. I'm lucky in the way that my ex lets me, or wants me to have my son as much as possible. If only she would let me take custody and have him all the time, But she wouldn't give up the benefits she is on to do that.

FBaby

Did you move where you are for medical treatment or to be with your new partner as stated in your first message or is it a coincidence the care you require its where she is?

zzzLazyDaisy

diaboliquesaint wrote: »

I'm living on very little money and having to spend £80 per round trip to collect my child and I do this as much as possible because I actually like to see him but I can't afford it. Now I have his mother complaining because it seems having my son for 6 weeks straight, then every holiday and every other weekend and part of the following week isn't enough!

I fail to see how you can increase his contact visits. In fact over time, I fail to see how you can maintain the level of contact that you enjoy at present.

Why? Because he is about to start mainstream education, if he hasn't already. If you continue to have him part of every second week you and your ex will face large fines. This will mean that you will need to collect him after school on a friday, and bring him back at a reasonable time on Sunday so he is settled and ready for school the next day. This may make a regular 600 mile round trip unfeasible, in which case you may be looking at dropping some of the weekends visits and looking at half term visits instead.

diaboliquesaint

FBaby wrote: »

Did you move where you are for medical treatment or to be with your new partner as stated in your first message or is it a coincidence the care you require its where she is?

It is more of a coincidence. There is a facility here that is relatively new and one of only a few in the country. I was on waiting lists in Liverpool and had been for almost a year with nothing being done so we decided I should come down to Kent instead. I am now top of the list and starting therapy in the next few weeks whereas I would have been waiting years in Liverpool as the funding had been cut last year.

diaboliquesaint

zzzLazyDaisy wrote: »

I fail to see how you can increase his contact visits. In fact over time, I fail to see how you can maintain the level of contact that you enjoy at present.

Why? Because he is about to start mainstream education, if he hasn't already. If you continue to have him part of every second week you and your ex will face large fines. This will mean that you will need to collect him after school on a friday, and bring him back at a reasonable time on Sunday so he is settled and ready for school the next day. This may make a regular 600 mile round trip unfeasible, in which case you may be looking at dropping some of the weekends visits and looking at half term visits instead.

This is part of the problem but his mother says she doesn't get enough time to herself. He starts full time school in september and I have him from the 19th of july until then but after that it will be difficult. Luckily I do have a friend to stay with up there who doesn't mind me bringing him with me for a few days, that's how we've managed to have him at weekends up there and part of the week too. But that means bringing my partner's son with us or getting back as soon as possible. Apart from that we have been driving up for holidays, bringing him here and then driving back.
Why would we face fines?