Need to get my baby out of MY bed!

z.n

I have a different view. DS now 15 was very ill when born and I could not sleep unless I could check on him-so he had a basket next to the bed. He preferred to be cuddled all night and ended up in the middle in between every night pulling my hair as his comfort thing. He went into a separate room at about 12 months and a railed bed at about 16 months. The separate room/cot part was a nightmare- he was very distressed at being apart from us, Dh thought best to stand firm so there were many tears all round as we tried controlled crying/strict routine/gate across door for about three-four months. Waste of time and emotionally draining. I have no idea why we bothered and am still resentful I was put under pressure to try it. With hindsight quite frankly DH should have just manned up and gone through to the spare room if it was too much! None of us slept well until DH gave in and DS was put in a bed with open doors to our room so he could come through when he wanted. Once DS knew he could reach us he settled much better and only came through very early morning. He gradually came less and less and stopped coming though about age 10-11 but we did have one 'dashing run through' at age 13 after a really bad nightmare.

When DD came along (now 12) and she just moved in from about age 1 when she went into a bed until she was about 7 then intermittently until about 10. DH and I were much more relaxed by then- DD would come through in the middle of the night nearly every night and be cuddled, usually by me. So that DH was not too disturbed we bought a bigger bed for four of us which sadly now is too big for just the two of us. When DD wasn't in with us she climbed in with DS- they worked out their own system of topping and tailing.

From this experience I would suggest making the aim to get your child to sleep in a separate bed for at least part of the night so you and OH have some time together. You can do that with a tired child and good bedtime routine. Time/age will gradually extend this to all night but I am not convinced it is good for a family to 'force' the matter by placing barriers or getting het up over it. It might be convenient in some ways but all those stress hormones can't be healthy. I love the very few chances (almost non-existent actually) I get now to fall asleep cuddling my kids- blissful. So make the most while they are small!

Kayalana99

Is the cot in LO room? Perhaps it would be worth bringing it back into your own room to start off..?

Were kind of in same postion mine is 10months, he settles down in his cot with alot of persusion then wakes up again 2 hours later so we end up giving in and bringing him back in with us..

I am thinking perhaps is a bad time to be trying to do it as he is at that akward age where he has learnt how to climb up the cot/sofa etc but hasnt got much balance and he could easily fall and bang his head on the side of cot etc...

One thing that works for me is to wait till thier really tired instead of putting them down at a certain time..although will mess thier sleeping pattern up I guess? then just sit next to the cot and let them hold your hand and read stories/just general talk eventually they fall off assuming they are to tired to fight it to begin with..