CSA money being unfairly spent

BittyTang

HI,

I am a Dad of 3, 2 of which live with me & my current wife & my 3rd son - an 11 year old from a previous relationship.

I have issues with CSA, not with paying it but how the money is being spent by my ex. I would like to start by saying I am 100% behind all fathers maintaining their children.

In a nutshell the money I give her through CSA to maintain him is basically going nowhere near him. Granted the roof over his head & heating are provided but new clothes, trainers are not. Nor are new tooth brushes or hair cuts and much more. In short the money she gets should provide him with good quality clothes & hobbies & after school clubs he wants to do but instead she uses the money to fund her social life.

I am happy to be paying the money providing its for him & what he needs/wants & not her bad habits. Do you know of anyway how to appeal? Again not to stop paying but to force her to prove what she spends the money on & make sure she spends it on appropriate things for him.

Much appreciated

shoe*diva79

Its not your business what she spends it on. Sorry to be blunt but if your child has a roof over his head, food, heat, water etc..

If you believe he is being neglected then contact the relevant authority.

shoe*diva79

I should have mentioned, the CM the CSA work out is the minimum you contribute. You could always spend more buying him extras if you wish.

shegirl

There is nothing you can do.She can spend it on whatever she wants to.

Perhaps she needs a little help or guidance or there is something you are unaware of?

You could talk to her but that's about it.

If your child is in need of clothes could you purchase some? (Although,I understand with some pwcs that may cause spending issues,if you get me)

I'd be a little concerned about 'new' toothbrushes not being provided...does she need support or is your child a bit of a pain with such things?Has your child requested haircuts?

paddedjohn

Are the 2 kids that live with you from the same mother?

notanewuser

paddedjohn wrote: »

Are the 2 kids that live with you from the same mother?

BittyTang wrote: »

HI,

I am a Dad of 3, 2 of which live with me & my current wife & my 3rd son - an 11 year old from a previous relationship.

Apparently not.

clearingout

how on earth could you possibly the date of the last toothbrush purchase?!

clearingout

*possibly know

kingfisherblue

BittyTang wrote: »

HI,

I am a Dad of 3, 2 of which live with me & my current wife & my 3rd son - an 11 year old from a previous relationship.

I have issues with CSA, not with paying it but how the money is being spent by my ex. I would like to start by saying I am 100% behind all fathers maintaining their children.

In a nutshell the money I give her through CSA to maintain him is basically going nowhere near him. Granted the roof over his head & heating are provided but new clothes, trainers are not. Nor are new tooth brushes or hair cuts and much more. In short the money she gets should provide him with good quality clothes & hobbies & after school clubs he wants to do but instead she uses the money to fund her social life.

I am happy to be paying the money providing its for him & what he needs/wants & not her bad habits. Do you know of anyway how to appeal? Again not to stop paying but to force her to prove what she spends the money on & make sure she spends it on appropriate things for him.

Much appreciated

As others have said, you have no rights regarding how the money is spent. I do have a couple of questions though.

Does your son actually want his hair cutting? My lads both have short hair (cut with dubbers by my ex as it happens - I don't pay for haircuts out of CSA either ). their cousin, however, likes longer hair and he has his hair trimmed less frequently. It is never cut short.

How do you know toothbrushes are not being provided? Has he turned up to stay at your hoouse without a toothbrush, and if so, could he have just forgotten it? Does your ex take him to the dentist?

Regarding clothes - does he actually need any at the moment? My lads get clothes as and when they need them, but not every month. Are your son's clothes clean, a decent fit, and not in need of mending? Does he have appropriate school uniform?

After school clubs - does he want to attend any? Not all children do. I have a daughter and two sons, and they have attended after school clubs at various points in their lives, but not necessarily all of the time. If he does want to attend, is it the fact that she won't pay any costs, or is it difficult for her to collect him afterwards? For example, one of my children attended an after school club until recently. He could not have attended if I didn't drive, as his school is two buses away on public transport - a journey of almost an hour. My son couldn't use public transport alone (he is disabled), so it would mean two buses each way for me.

Are the after school clubs a part of the school, or do you mean some sort of evening club such as Scouts, youth club, etc? Again, is it a possibility that collecting your son might be difficult? I know that some of my Rainbow and Brownie parents find it a problem in the winter months if they don't drive, but luckily we meet in a library, so they only have to make the trip once each way and they wait in the library during the meeting.

I'm not trying to defend your ex. I know that there are bad PWCs, just as there are NRPs who don't pay. You can't force her to spend money on what you decide though. If you do have concerns over your son's wellbeing, then you shopuld contact your local Social Services for advice.

Valli

BittyTang wrote: »

HI,

I am a Dad of 3, 2 of which live with me & my current wife & my 3rd son - an 11 year old from a previous relationship.

Your 3rd son?

Your eldest son, surely.

How do you KNOW 'no' money is being spent on your son? From him?

If so are you sure he's not 'playing you'?

Or that someone else isn't?

Maybe he's coming to visit you in 'old' clothes in the hope that new ones will be bought;)

Now play the game, take him shopping, send him home in new clobber and see what he turns up in next time;)