Kids playing out

delain

Well just recently my older children (10 and 9) have started going out to play. They have a relatively small area to stay in and as they haven't got mobiles the rules are not to go in people's houses so I can find them if needs be. We are having trouble getting them to understand that this is for safety and not because I'm 'sooo unfair and they can just ignore the rules but that's another thread.

Now their friends come knocking for them and are in and out of the house which is fine by me. I don't mind kids about the place and they are generally a well behaved bunch. Also I'm glad DD1 has some friends as she has struggled socially in school!

However there are a pair of boys (8 and 4) who seem to be out pretty much all the time, with the 8 year old nominally in charge and has a mobile. He is only 8 and just seems to leave his brother and go off to do things, eg earlier his brother left him here, and I've seen him about on his own a few times but always thought his brother was. Probably nearby, now with thinking this hasn't been the case.

When he was here earlier he just opened the garden gate and ran across the road in front of a car :eek::eek:

I don't know what to do... Clearly he isn't safe on his own and at 8 they cant expect too much care from the brother?

I've never met his parents, have considered asking for a number (if for no other reason that then I wouldn't mind my lot going to their house!)

What can I do? Should I say something to them?

alwaysonthego_2

I think that you have a responsibility to approach the parents with your concerns, but by the sounds of it that parents seemed to be in the mind set that of 'Out of sight, out of mind'. If you are still concerned after speaking to the parents you could report your concerns to the local safeguarding team/golden number.

Spendless

The parents probably don't know the older one is wandering off. They may think the boys are 'sticking together'.Do you know them and can tell them that is not in the case?

meritaten

you are responsible in the first instance for your own children - so I want to deal with that first.
Set ground rules as you have done - they will break them and here there is no compromise, if they break them they get consequences. two day grounding say?
if they want to play in a certain area - that's ok and they get a time limit perhaps? they are not allowed to 'stray' outside that area and that includes going into mates houses - they have to come and ask if they can do that! I HAD to do that with my oldest - she was a terrible 'wanderer'!

secondly - other people kids! if you see a child behaving dangerously you should really tell the parents. they may be under the impression he/she is more responsible than they are. I wouldn't get outside agencies involved unless you feel the parents are neglecting them. we ALL take chances with traffic! don't we?

marisco_2

8 is way too young to be responsible for and looking after a child of just 4. Apart from anything else the older child's focus is going to be on playing and being around his friends, not on keeping an eye on his little brother and ensuring his safety. It is quite concerning that this has not crossed the mind of the boys parents. It sounds like there was a near miss today with one of the boys running in front of a car. This doesn't indicate to me that the parents have instilled much road sense or safety awareness into their children. I don't like to judge people but all this seems like a very laxidaisical approach to parenting on their behalf.

Personally if I knew the children were taking these kinds of risks and making themselves so vulnerable, I would approach the parents and let them know what has been going on. What kind of response you might be met with is questionable. However at least your conscience will be clear that you acted responsibly and tried to protect the children from any future problems occurring.

delain

meritaten wrote: »

you are responsible in the first instance for your own children - so I want to deal with that first.
Set ground rules as you have done - they will break them and here there is no compromise, if they break them they get consequences. two day grounding say?
if they want to play in a certain area - that's ok and they get a time limit perhaps? they are not allowed to 'stray' outside that area and that includes going into mates houses - they have to come and ask if they can do that! I HAD to do that with my oldest - she was a terrible 'wanderer'!

secondly - other people kids! if you see a child behaving dangerously you should really tell the parents. they may be under the impression he/she is more responsible than they are. I wouldn't get outside agencies involved unless you feel the parents are neglecting them. we ALL take chances with traffic! don't we?

Yes thank you I am dealing with it.... With groundings, with regular time limits... But DD1 is very stubborn and it is taking a long time! I dont recall saying I wasn't dealing with it tbh?

She has a birthday coming up so that is helping!

Edit: he came back in and I spoke to him about road safety and said that if he's here I need to know when he's leaving!

meritaten

I have to disagree with you Marisco. You cant teach kids responsibility without giving them any. In my day kids all played together with younger siblings tagging along too. Older children always looked out for the younger ones - you would get a slap if anything happened to the little one while YOU were in charge!
But, as parents you ensure the older childs safety too. you made sure they knew the rules and you as parents would always know where they were (generally).

PasturesNew

If you're dumped with the 4 year old again.... just march him straight home and leave him there. Hopefully, when the 8 year old returns home he'll get a kicking for leaving him. Lesson learnt.

meritaten

delain wrote: »

Yes thank you I am dealing with it.... With groundings, with regular time limits... But DD1 is very stubborn and it is taking a long time!

its consistency which is important - just be more stubborn than DD1. honestly - my DD would have walked all over me if I had let her. a very strong personality. she did realise eventually who was the parent! I wouldn't say she was ever obedient - but she did listen to reason and would negotiate over rules which she then kept. (More than I ever did).

delain

meritaten wrote: »

its consistency which is important - just be more stubborn than DD1. honestly - my DD would have walked all over me if I had let her. a very strong personality. she did realise eventually who was the parent! I wouldn't say she was ever obedient - but she did listen to reason and would negotiate over rules which she then kept. (More than I ever did).

I know this

She will get there eventually, its just like trying to teach rocks to sing at the moment. We are persevering bit she is really pushing at the moment. Btw she does get rewarded for good behaviour too.

marisco_2

PasturesNew wrote: »

If you're dumped with the 4 year old again.... just march him straight home and leave him there. Hopefully, when the 8 year old returns home he'll get a kicking for leaving him. Lesson learnt.

What lesson would getting a kicking teach an 8 year old? That mum or dad have no self control and cant correct or discipline him appropriately when he makes a mistake!