How to teach kids value of items?

valk_scot

My best weapons as a mother of young kids? My very, very loud "NO!!" which they could hear from the far end of the garden, very, very sharp ears (I never had a radio or TV on in the background, I liked to hear what they were up to) and an absolutely unshakable conviction that I was the boss, tough. Any incidence of bad behaviour got one warning (per day, when they were small) and after that there were instant consequences...a telling off, being made to clean it up, 2-5-10 minutes of time out, no TV for the rest of the day, no trip to the park...however they didn't take long to understand that no deliberate bad behaviour went unnoticed and that mum always delivered on any threat, guaranteed. As a result they didn't do so many naughty things, it simply wasn't worth their while.

I'd get a lockable cupboard for the bathroom too btw. And kids simply weren't allowed in my kitchen alone, there was no reason for them to be in there. No back door to the garden and we ate in the dining room. I had a gate over the doorway when they were tiny and after that they were told not to go in there. With consequences if they disobeyed.

Basically you don't want to be fighting battle after battle, you want to win the war as early as possible so life will get a bit more peaceful. Once kids understand that mum means what she says the incidence of bad behaviour goes way down, while ineffectual parental discipline means you fight the same fight over, and over, and over.....

Gigglepig

Mojisola wrote: »

And it isn't good for children or parent if the parent is struggling.

Learning parenting techniques that make the family happier is better for everyone.

Living in a household where the children are out of control is a miserable existence and it's easy to get overwhelmed by the situation and difficult to see your way out of it. There's no shame in getting help!

Parenting classes is a great suggestion. But it even if it would be better to be perfect, doesn't mean it is a nice thing to say to someone they arent doing their kids a favour hanging out with them. Most parents arent perfect but are still adequate.

Mojisola

Agutka wrote: »

Thank you for all the replies. When it goes on for a long time it really gets you down.

They have access to their bathroom as that's where the toilet is...
And once again it comes down to bad parenting. I know I let them loose too much. I just wish they had some respect for things. I don't know how to teach them. They do half-a**edly clean up if you stand over them. They get punished for naughty behaviour. I just wish things I explain to the 5year old would linger in his head. Don't waste water, food, stuff. Don't rip posters in your room...

Awful mother I know, just not cut out for this. Hubby's here now. He can watch them.

Gigglepig wrote: »

Parenting classes is a great suggestion. But it even if it would be better to be perfect, doesn't mean it is a nice thing to say to someone they arent doing their kids a favour hanging out with them. Most parents arent perfect but are still adequate.

Sorry if you didn't like the way I phrased it but Agutka sounds at the end of her tether and it isn't good for her or the children to live like that.

CH27

Agutka wrote: »

Thank you for all the replies. When it goes on for a long time it really gets you down.
They have access to their bathroom as that's where the toilet is...
And once again it comes down to bad parenting. I know I let them loose too much. I just wish they had some respect for things. I don't know how to teach them. They do half-a**edly clean up if you stand over them. They get punished for naughty behaviour. I just wish things I explain to the 5year old would linger in his head. Don't waste water, food, stuff. Don't rip posters in your room...

Awful mother I know, just not cut out for this. Hubby's here now. He can watch them.

Right IMO you have two choices.

1. Take the short term pain for the long term gain. Clamp down on everything. Watch them like a hawks & get them behaving as you want. Praise the good behaviour.

2. Let them run riot & have no control over them for years.

Kids need boundaries, security & love. It's your job to give it to them.

marisco_2

Agutka wrote: »

Awful mother I know, just not cut out for this. Hubby's here now. He can watch them.

I am sending you a massive (((HUG))) as I think you are in need of it. I am glad your hubby is back and you can take what sounds like a much needed break. Just because you are worn down and struggling with two lively, mischievous little boys does not make you a bad mother at all. Children around the ages of your sons push every boundary known to man. It is how they learn.

As frustrating as it is when they do this, it is a positive sign that they feel totally safe and secure around you, to see just how far they can go. Instilling good behaviour into children is like trying to get them to try a new food. Sometimes you have to introduce this new concept into their lives over and over before they accept it and follow what you want them to do.

What will really help your children to settle down and make family life far happier and harmonious, is if your children see you and your husband standing strong together. You need to show them a totally united front over your expectation of them. When they are in bed tonight try talking through how you are feeling with your husband and come up with an action plan of how you are both going to go about achieving this. Support each other through the rollercoaster ride that is parenthood and you will enjoy it far more.

fawd1

Mojisola wrote: »

If this is how you feel, have you asked about parenting classes?

You're not doing yourself or your children any favours spending time with them if this is your attitude.

I have to say I feel extreme sympathy for OP and think that comments like these help no one. I have 2 boys of a similar age (3&4) and I can assure you that I have also had moments when I've literally wanted to walk out of the house. At this age, they are probably both still at home all day, or at least a good part of it. After 4 and a half years of being a SAHM, I also let my kids get on with things, quite regularly in fact. If I respond to every cry of mummy, I would go insane. My best advice to you, is to get some time to yourself. I have the feeling that you know exactly how to bring up your children, but are so exhausted by the relentless demands and energy of two young children that you can't bring yourself to raise your voice, or do time out, or take away a toy, or anything else AGAIN.

To put it another way, right now I think you're feeling that it would be nice if they could just do as they're told and play nicely JUST ONCE!!!!!!!

This is far more likely to happen if you feel relaxed, so get yourself out of the house tomorrow (ignore anything else) go and see a friend (without kids), or have a coffee and read a book, or whatever, but stay away from the children!!! Once you've had a break from parenting you might feel human again, and you'll be much better equipped to deal with them.

pigpen

Boys are hard work.. girls are too but in a very different way usually.

Locks on bathroom cabinets or being taken to the toilet will protect the toiletries. If they complain then simply say they waste the nice things in the bathroom so cannot be allowed to go in there by themselves until they can be well behaved.

Making them clear up their mess has an impact.. it doesn't matter if they don't do it perfectly what is important is the message it gives.. you make mess, you clean it up.

You need to be consistent and on their case 24/7, I know it is hard work and time consuming and you have a million other things to do, I really do!! Watch them like a hawk, don't let them do a single thing without you watching or supervising.

Get them to move with you from room to room helping with whatever you are doing and where possible fling them in the garden/yard if you have one and let them run off their energy out there.

It might be attention they are craving or just a release for their energy. If you have no garden is there a park closeby you could drop by on the way home from school with a football? While walking home talk about what you are ALL doing when you get in.. e.g. .. when we get home I have to cook dinner, what should we have? Then while is cooks we can have a competition and see who can pick up the most toys really quickly.

Food .. we have a table only rule.. no food or drinks outside of the kitchen and you have to be sitting at the table, this includes my 16 and 17 year olds not just the littlies!!.. though we do have 'picnics' in the garden. Any mess they deliberately make they clean up themselves. If they have their own table in a carpeted area of the house put a shower curtain under their table, it is machine washable and saves stains on the carpet.

You need to have more confidence in yourself.. you will feel like you are nagging them half silly for a while but they will get the message they need to get, you are cut out for this, you just need to take more control and in the short term that requires a little more supervision and finding new ways to deal with things.

We operate a 'timeout' system in here too.. they spend 5 minutes sitting on a chair in the kitchen and are not allowed to speak or play or fidget.. no toys, no tv, no distractions.. this works with all of them from my 2 y/o to my 14 y/o (the older ones respond well to verbal sanctions) .. if they do the timer starts again.. They are not sent to their bedrooms or anywhere fun.

(((hugs))) You can do this!

The triple P courses are very good.. I'd recommend doing that as a way of showing yourself you are really not alone in feeling overwhelmed with your children.

fluffnutter

Agutka wrote: »

Thank you for all the replies. When it goes on for a long time it really gets you down.
They have access to their bathroom as that's where the toilet is...
And once again it comes down to bad parenting. I know I let them loose too much. I just wish they had some respect for things. I don't know how to teach them. They do half-a**edly clean up if you stand over them. They get punished for naughty behaviour. I just wish things I explain to the 5year old would linger in his head. Don't waste water, food, stuff. Don't rip posters in your room...

Awful mother I know, just not cut out for this. Hubby's here now. He can watch them.

1. You're not an awful mother. You have two lively boys and you're exhausted.

2. The concept of 'respect' is a very difficult one for such small children. As is gratitude and all those other quite adult ideas. You're doing the right thing by explaining stuff like this to them - just don't expect it to sink in for a few more years.

You sound like you need some support

Errata

Agutka wrote: »

Boys 3 and 5 keep destroying everything. You buy new toothpaste, it will cover bathroom. Shampoos emptied into bath. Food squished into floors. No I don't watch them like a hawk, but its really getting me down.

Put toothpaste and shampoo out of their reach. Make them sit at the table to eat.

Agutka

I don't mind people being erm...honest. I get it in real life a lot. I was always more relaxed than many mums. Not really working now when they need routines and immediate discipline.
Life is much better when I spend all my time with them.