Don't know what to do!

Confused01

Long time poster here, new username for this!

So, basically I've been with my boyfriend for a year, we're both early 30's. I've met his family once very briefly, he's met mine lot's of times.

I'm now 3 months pregnant and I have asked him when he's going to tell his family about the baby, he gave me some rubbish excuse that his mother would never leave me alone if she knew she was going to be a grandma, I haven't mentioned it since but it's playing on my mind a lot.

It's now at the point where I think he's either embarrassed or ashamed of me and that I'll be raising our baby alone when the time comes.

Person_one

Is this the right relationship to be having a baby in?

You've only known him a year, he's keeping you away from his family (or vice versa) and you don't seem to feel able to communicate properly about everything.

Do you live together? Would you want to raise a baby alone if it came to that? What has he told you about his relationship with his family? does he see them a lot without you?

LondonDreamer

What do you know about his relationship with his family? It could be that he doesn't want them to be very involved in his life? My family didn't meet my husband until after we'd been married for two years. Distance played a role in that (I moved abroad) but I could have made the effort to visit them sooner if I'd felt the need to include them in my life. Which I don't.

If he does have a healthy relationship with his family but still isn't including you after a year and now expecting a child together, I think you're right to be concerned. Sorry.

IHateDida

Confused01 wrote: »

I haven't mentioned it since but it's playing on my mind a lot.

It's now at the point where I think he's either embarrassed or ashamed of me and that I'll be raising our baby alone when the time comes.

Talk to him about it - tell him how much it is bothering you. If you are having a baby together, you should be able to at least tell him how you feel. He might be completely unaware of how it is upsetting you - some blokes are very unaware of how their partners are feeling and need things spelling out to them (we all think they are mind readers but to be honest most are rather crap at this - sorry chaps!).

Have a chat with him and see how he responds - you need to be more open with one another especially now there is a baby on its way.

Confused01

He spends most of his time at my place, commuting to London everyday for his work. He see's his family most weekends (Sunday roast, that sort of thing).

I'd rather not raise the baby alone but if push came to shove I would. I thankfully have a great support network in my family and money would not be an issue.

It's getting to me that my boyfriend would rather the baby have one grandparent (on my side, other parent passed away) than have the other two know that he or she even exists.

FBaby

Your posting here because clearly you don't know your boyfriend well yet. There could be many different reasons why he seems reluctant to announce the news to his mum together. Some might be understandable, others might not be.

I know forums is about being nice and all that, but we can't tell you the same thing that we would tell someone who has been with their partner for 5 years, in a serious committed relationship, who has a psycho mum and who would be doing the right thing by not making that announcement because your circumstances are different.

All I can say is that if it was me, I would do more than asking why I have met his mum only once and be actually telling him that next week-end, you are inviting his mum for dinner and intend to tell her and if that is a problem for him, he better give me a proper reason for it.

IHateDida

Confused01 wrote: »

He spends most of his time at my place, commuting to London everyday for his work. He see's his family most weekends (Sunday roast, that sort of thing).

I'd rather not raise the baby alone but if push came to shove I would. I thankfully have a great support network in my family and money would not be an issue..

Whoa! You shouldn't even be thinking at this stage of raising a baby alone - he sounds as though he thinks a lot of you to commute to work every day.

Seriously, I reckon he just needs things spelling out to him - go out for a meal together and talk about how you have been feeling. Some blokes just are very indifferent to things (I have one like that and I am due to give birth very soon - we've been together a very loooong time - we hardly see his parents even though they are quite close - its just something that some blokes are like!).

Talk to him! (please:)!!!)

gingin_2

I fell pregnant when I had been with my OH for 18 months. We were living together but I had never met his parents - they live on the other side of the world. My pregnancy was a shock, my OH didn't tell his parents until I was 5 months gone, it was so long ago now, over 13 years and I can't remember how I reacted at the time but I can remember telling him that they really should know.

My favourite picture in my son's baby album is of my OH's family in a restaurant with their glasses raising a toast to him and party hats on, the night my son was born - I'd still never met them and my son was a few weeks early so they'd probably only known for 3 months! I'm still with OH after 15 years and another child but I think there was a lot of shock and he needed time to get his head around an unplanned pregnancy, but he came good in the end.

Mojisola

Confused01 wrote: »

He spends most of his time at my place, commuting to London everyday for his work. He see's his family most weekends (Sunday roast, that sort of thing).

Does he share the costs of your home? Does he have his own place anywhere?

tiger_eyes

Paranoid suggestion - are you sure he doesn't already have a girlfriend and family that he sees at weekends? Thus making him understandably reluctant to explain to his family that his other girlfriend is also pregnant?

Person_one

Confused01 wrote: »

He spends most of his time at my place, commuting to London everyday for his work. He see's his family most weekends (Sunday roast, that sort of thing).

Ok, there's something fishy going on here.

How often do you go to his place? Does he go to his mum and dads from your place and just leave you behind?

Does he seem happy about the pregnancy? I'm assuming it wasn't planned?