Has anyone asked their boss to reduce their hours since having kids?

me_and_me_monkeys

I'm mainly asking the men out there but any views would help.

Me and DH split due to stress and a lot of upset. We have both decided that we are actually quite a good team (when we actually see each other and talk). We realised that most of the stress was down to his work (works long hours and is on call 24/7 which with 3 young children - 2 of whom are disabled we have recently found out so are coming to terms with that), I am and also the fact that we both have come to hate where we live. we have had a load of aggro since I had to identlfy my stolen belongings in the garden of the 'suspect' and his mate followed me home.

We have found a house we love in an area we adore but it would mean that he would need to commute too far and would have to stay at his parents part of the week and then come home.

I've worked out a very fair budget which covers everything except mortgage and travel and we could easily manage there with a cut in his salary to half. There is no way we could manage on that where we live now. So by juggling his hours and working from home a bit (which he could do now if he organised it), he would take a 25% cut of hours and salary and we wouldn't be well off but we could manage comfortably. There is nothing in his job that with organisation on his and his bosses parts that requires him in the office at set times mon-fri.

This would be a short term measure until he could get work nearer home. I know it sounds crazy him working so much was part of the reason we split was his long hours but most of it was the stress of not knowing when he's working late or early until they night before (if your lucky), getting a phone call friday night at 2am and not seeing him till Tues night. If we lived that far away there is no way they could do that to him. At least with set days away then we can organise ourselves as a family.

Just wondering how to ask what needs to be put in etc etc. I suggested he take his line managed for a drink and have an unofficial chat first

Kimitatsu

Hi MMM

Firstly glad to see you and DH are sorting everything out! Its hard when you dont see each other, nt to metnion when you have young kids (with disabilities makes it harder still).

Anyone with children under the age of 6 can ask for flexible hours, but the company does not have to agree to them. They do have to give you a valid reason for not letting you have them, and that should take your work/life balance into account, but depending on the size of the company/organisation depends on how much they adhere to that.

You can also ask for an appropriate shift pattern for the same reason - under the European Working time directive no-one can be MADE to work more than 37 hours a week. I know in reality its hard to enforce but the law is still there to back him up.

Hope this helps a bit!

little_2

Hi

I don't know wether this helps but we were in a sort of similar position when my kids were a little bit younger. My OH worked away, week at home and then a week at work. When my youngest son reached about a year old ( my daugther about 2), we decided that we had to alter something. My OH was missing out on family life and I was struggling by as a single parent for half my life with two babies. We couldn't see how it would end, i couldn't work as we had no childcare for the kids when OH was away. This would never alter, even when kids went to school. My OH approached his line manager to ask about reducing his shift pattern under the new employement laws for parent (informally at this stage). He was very helpful and we put it into writing what we proposed, sent it to the head of human resources who invited OH for a chat and it was all done. He reduced his time away to 4 days instead of 7 ( which was really 8 with travel). His contract was amended and we had a family life again. Childcare was then split between us I got a part time job and we have never looked back. He still worked away but not for as long which really made a difference. We now both work part time and someone is always their for the kids who have just started school. Finacially, things didn't really alter, but our quality of family life is far better and the whole family is a team and not always stressed.

Hope that helps in some way.

holstar

me_and_me_monkeys wrote: »

I've worked out a very fair budget which covers everything except mortgage and travel and we could easily manage there with a cut in his salary to half. ........ he would take a 25% cut of hours and salary and we wouldn't be well off but we could manage comfortably.

Alarm bells rang when you say your budget covers everything except mortgage and travel.....I understand it as, if you cut his hours (and salary) by 50% then you'd cover everything but trav & mort, but if you cut his hours by 25%, then you cover everything...is this right?

I would say, before approaching his managers:
- check with his parents that they will have him for however many nights is required, and what do they want payment-wise, for food etc whilst he's there.

- what help are you getting with your disabled kids? You don't say what their disability is, but check with local council or appropriate charities etc for any additional help you can get, either monetary or practical help, which may mean you could cut his hours a little more (for example, they might want to cut 30% of hours so its worthwhile employing someone else)

- go over and over your budget. Check absolutely every little thing on there. Try the DFW board for anything you might have missed, eg car MOT cost, or Xmas costs, spread throughout the year. Allow for rise in interest rates, utilities. The OS board is also good at stretching your food budget whilst maintaining healthy food.


I personally would not take the manager out for a drink, but ask for an informal chat within the office. Maybe approaching HR before the manager, to see what general company policy is on flexible working hours?

I hope it all works out for you, whatever route you take...best of luck

me_and_me_monkeys

Holstar

Yep your right 50% is everything except mortgage and travel (but includes mortgage insurance and life cover from our current mortgage - these should be less as our mortgage should be about 20% less but factored at current)

A 25% cut would include travel and mortgage

I have already been able to cut the original budget on paper by £2K without trying (bulk buying, cheaper alternatives etc etc). So once we move we would be better off than I worked out but I want to keep my estimates on the high side just in case at the moment

As for help we get next to nothing. They are autistic. We get DLA low rate for 1 and nothing for the 2nd one. There is a support group but as I don't drive, there is no way I can get there and get back for school runs. They can offer me 2 days holiday club for the summer hols (but probably not the same days) but they would be with children who have very different needs and they would not be supported as needed. We cannot get a social worker cause my kids are not at risk. Family give us breaks (1 night a month for all of them and 1 night a month for either of the 2 disabled kids). Between the 3 of them we function on about 4 hours sleep a night. I had to give up work as no one person would have the 3 of them together and I think they should be together while I'm at work as much as possible. I am now self employed and work from home as and when I can and if I have to work away DH takes a day off to cover me at home. If he was home part of the week at least I could take some of the financial burden (hopefully) off him with my stuff.

I suggested a trip to the pub as they get on well and have to travel home together on the train (he lives in the next estate to us) so a quick drink after work wouldn't be so out of the ordinary

holstar

My only concern with taking it out of the office is that it should be kept entirely above board...is the line manager the one to give the definite go-ahead on flexible hours or not? If so, then I would keep it entirely in the office so any other people considering flexible hours won't get uppity about preferential treatment etc.
If its someone more senior that has the final say, then a pub should be fine, on the basis that once you've got an idea of what could happen with his hours, you have essentially the same conversation again in the office, so its all official and above board

I have no other suggestions, other than theres plenty of people with autistic children on these boards, so there'll be lots of advice and support around here in the Familys board if you search for it, or if you ask....I'm sure you're not the only one on 4 hours sleep :eek:

You sound like a wonderful mum trying to do the best in a difficult situation :T and I really hope you manage to get this all sorted

me_and_me_monkeys

holstar wrote: »

My only concern with taking it out of the office is that it should be kept entirely above board...is the line manager the one to give the definite go-ahead on flexible hours or not?

No he's not - it will actually have to go to another country to be decided (oh the beaurocracy of the place!). Its more a case of asking if he could see any probs and would it go against him in the future if he asked formally, how many hours he could possibly drop etc,etc. He's good at his job - one of the best in the office and I know that they wouldn't want to loose him.

Thank you for saying I'm doing good with the kids. I often feel I'm drowning in a sea of paperwork, peoples misconceptions, and family who think that we are planning to more out to the sticks to 'hide our children'.