parental responsibility implications

troubleahead_2

hope you can help.

my partners ex wife has recently got remarried . she has asked my partner to agree for her new husband to also have parental responsibility for my partners and his ex wifes children (my partner has parental responsibility).

we are worried about the implications of this if any if his ex wife dies before the kids are 18 and other deciscions regarding the kids. my partner and his ex have a very strained relationship. they don't speak hardly but just text mostly when she wants something.
she never keeps us informed about things like the childrens progress at school etc. we are never told about parents evenings or things like sports days etc she and her new husband recently took the kids on holiday abroad and she didn't have the courtesy to at least let us know. we actually found out from her first ex husband who also has children with her.

as I said we are worried about any implications and if their is any possible ulterior motive behind her wanting this.

thanks in advance for any advice

CapJ

It is a difficult one. One possible approach is to say to ex: "Obviously we would need to understand the legal implications before we could make a decision. As this is something that you are asking for, would you be willing to pay for us to consult a solicitor so that we can be fully informed of all the possible legal consequences?" If yes, do the consultation, with your own solicitor. If no well then I would suggest going back and saying "Obviously it isn't that important to you so we would prefer not to do this."

RAS

Hmm..........

I think I would say no.

And if your partner wants to be more involved, he needs to contact the school and remind them that he has PR etc.

sulkisu

If it means that your husband loses his PR, then surely the answer has to be no.

heretolearn_2

Here's alink to the form that you would all need to complete if you agree. the notes state that it changes the legal position of existing PRs and recommends legal advice first.

http://www.direct.gov.uk/prod_consum_dg/groups/dg_digitalassets/@dg/@en/documents/digitalasset/dg_181743.pdf

If you don't agree, then she needs to take it to court, but I believe there would normally have to be a good reason to award it to a third PR when Dad is already in the picture.

I'd say no. I think it would mean that if there was any disagreement about the child then it's two to one against and mum would always get her way.

Is the school aware that Dad has PR and got his contact details. He should be sent all info direct from the school, this is how it's meant to work, not wait to get it passed to him by Mum.

RAS

And sorry if she is now on the third husband, do you really want someone who may no longer be her spouse in 5 years to have PR???

valk_scot

To follow up about the school...the dad should get in touch and request that he be informed independently of all the school activities etc, via either letter or electronically. It's his right after all to know what his child is doing and to go to parents nights if he wishes. Also he's got a perfect right to go into the school to discuss the children's progress if he prefers not to go to parent's night with his ex. He needs to be a bit more proactive here I think.

As to the new partner getting PR, why? What benefit would it have to the children?

Guest101

The mum doesnt know what she wants, i wouldnt give up PR, i'd figth for custody!

easy

valk_scot wrote: »

As to the new partner getting PR, why? What benefit would it have to the children?

If the new stepfather officially has PR he can legally make decisions about the children.


I did used to worry -slightly- when my stepchildren were young, if we were out with them and there was some sort of accident.
If my husband had been injured/was unconscious/worse, and the children were injured I wouldn't have been able to give permission for medical treatments for them etc, and delays might be caused (because their mother would have to be found or a court decision would need to be taken to get that permission)

We talked about getting PR for me, but didn't bother in the end as DH's ex would have made a fuss about it. Of course, no such emergency did occur, so it was all irrelevant.

PR may also have an effect if the childrens mother died or needed long-term hospitalisation. In that case your partner may need to ask for custody of the children, because their new stepfather would also be an option.
Of course, if the children live with their mother and stepfather, staying with stepfather in those circumstances may be a more desirable/stable result. If he didn't already have PR in those circumstances, it would be harder to put in place at that time.

So think hard before you decide, you need to consider the practical implications as well as your emotional response.

Really your partner and his ex need to bury whatever hatchet it was that caused them to split up, and start properly talking about things again for the benefit of their children. Whatever hurt there was is over and done with, they have both moved to new lives, and their children who were caught up in the fallout deserve better.

Mojisola

RAS wrote: »

And sorry if she is now on the third husband, do you really want someone who may no longer be her spouse in 5 years to have PR???

This is a really strong argument for not allowing it!

valk_scot

easy wrote: »

If the new stepfather officially has PR he can legally make decisions about the children.


I did used to worry -slightly- when my stepchildren were young, if we were out with them and there was some sort of accident.
If my husband had been injured/was unconscious/worse, and the children were injured I wouldn't have been able to give permission for medical treatments for them etc, and delays might be caused (because their mother would have to be found or a court decision would need to be taken to get that permission)

In emergency situations like you describe the doctor will treat without permission, especially if delaying would cause the injury to worsen. It has to be so, take for instance a car accident involving the whole family and both parents are injured or worse. No doctor would delay treatment to the children in the car just because they didn't have permission from parents. Doctors treat people without permission all the time in emergency units where folk come in unconscious and there's no time to contact next of kin, even when the ID of the patient is known. Same with paramedics and even you if you're first on the scene of an accident, you can get in there with the CPR without having to ask permission first. You're protected by the Good Samaritan laws.

Long term of course for say treatments for chronic diseases permission is sought but there's usually time to do so and, tbh, I still wouldn't particularly want my ex partner's new spouse to have that sort of responsibility over my children especially if I didn't know them well.