What would you do in my position ??

WhataMessImIn

Hi, sorry to bore you all to death, My first ever post but i have been around for a month in the back ground, Been married for 3 years have a daughter by my current husband that is disabled, she's 2 half, Things have been really bad between us for quite a while now, rowing everyday, I'm my daughters full time carer so dont work, Over the weekend things got so bad that he called it a day with our marriage, He's been out of work since just before our daughter was born, and with everything that has gone on with our daughter most our time has been going back and to the hospital for all sorts, anyway even though im upset with the split, its my 2nd marriage, I have 3 children all together 2 from my previous marriage. Im kind of scared of being on my own, Financially, I've been on to the website called entitled, and it seems i shall be ok, how true is that website?? how do i move on with my life, my confidence has been knocked badly, How do i learn to love me? Im not interested in looking for someone else, I think i need some me time. One thing i cant understand is on the entitled to website, I put in at first if i was working 16 hours a week, and then not working so i can take care of Daughter, but i'd be worst off working, It doesnt make sense? i thought they want you back to work?


Sorry its so long

M x

sophiesmum_2

hi Whatamess,
Just take it a day at a time. If things have been so bad with arguments and stuff it will probably be a much calmer place to live for both you and the children when hubby has gone. It is hard work being a mother and even harder with a child with a disability so make sure that you do take some time out for yourself even if it is just a long soak in the bath with a book.
Have you any close friends that could give you some support while you get used to being on your own? A chat and a cuppa, or the offer of a bit of babysitting can really help when you are feeling low. How old are your other children? Are they old enough to explain the situation to - perhaps explain that things have changed and that you and them are now a team and will need to pull together to help each other.
I wouldn't think about getting a job just yet - your family need the stability of having you there especially your daughter - make sure you inform the benefits agency straight away and get everything put into your name,check that you are getting everything you are entitled to, especially any DLA or carers allowance for your daughter.
Try not to be too hard on yourself - sometimes relationships just don't work and you need to get out - ending a bad relationship can be a positive thing.
You can be strong and can manage alone. take care and I'm sure others will be along with more advice for you in the meantime.

sophiesmum

gravitytolls

That's really good advice from sophiesmum.

You've given yourself the username Whatamess, presumably because that's how it seems to you. I feel so sad that this is how you view your life.

Right now, you need to concentrate on what's positive in your life. 3 beautiful children, who you're a fantastic mum to.
This will be a new beginning, a new chapter of your life.
Regarding benefits, it's a bit of a minefield, and I strongly suggest, if you find it hard to get on with JCP(Job Centre Plus), contacting CAB, who are marvellous, and know exactly what you're entitled to. italso completely takes the pressure off you, and why not when you're already under pressure.

If you find you're struggling a little with 3 children, one with disabilities on your own, contact your health visitor, who will be able to give you information regarding family groups, services geared toward disabled children, and support groups, if you felt you needed that.

If you feel that your health is suffering, and you're not coping with things, go see your GP. You're probably in need of some vitamins, I bet your immunities low, and you're prone to anything that's going around.

I hope that soon, you will be able to return here and changing your name to something more positive.

God bless.

chmmy

There will be plenty of time in the future for work.Just be good to yourself and concentrate on looking after your littleones for the time-being. Hopefully you'll find inner strength and calm on your own.:A

AnnieH

Sorry I can't add any advice as I'm not sure about benefits, but I do know that children love a happy home, and would prefer a happy mumy on her own to a miserable mum and dad together.

I hope you can get it sorted, and get yourself together.
How do you get to love you? After I left my ex (he was abusive) I started going to a local support griup and the had lots of sessions on confidence builing, personal development that sort of thing. Maybe you could find a group in your area, with parents of disabled children, something where you would have something in common with others, and wouldn't feel so isolated.
Maybe ask your health visitor:)