New joint morgage but its 'my' equity

monty-doggy

Me and my bf (not married) moved in together after a month! We've shared money since day one, its never been separate. (5 years now . )

He recently inherited 50k, and has gifted it to me so we can buy our house as we've always been renting. He has a poorer credit history, so its going in my name.

Not once has he said he wants to protect 'his' money.

We love and trust each other, and are getting married next year. If you are already married shouldn't your husband be thinking like my bf is?

[Deleted User]

Everybody has different values in life, some people value their own property a lot and don't want everything to be split with their partner. Your relationship could fall apart in a year, you've contributed a very small amount towards the house and may feel eligible to half of the value: some people are happy with that, some people are not.

It's entirely possible that your husband expects to be with you for the rest of your lives but wants to protect his own interests just in case, is that unreasonable? If you expect to be with your husband until you die why does it matter if you have only 10% equity and he has 90%? You know your husband better than anyone here so you are best placed to judge his true intentions, I would not think that this is anything other than him being financially responsible.

Personally I believe that a relationship should be two individuals that want to be together but are happy to be individuals, I would never enter into a long term relationship with somebody if they were not happy with me having freedom, whether that's owning my own property, having my own bank account, going on holiday alone. For some people when they marry they become one person, they have one bank account, shop together, eat together, holiday together, share everything. Maybe your husband just likes his individuality?

Neither approach is wrong, they're just different, everybody is different. It doesn't have to be malicious, belittling or disrespectful when someone values their individuality. He might trust you 100% but still want to be sensible and protect his assets, nobody ever knows what is going to happen in the future.

punkypin

Im guessing then that the fact I felt offended is not just me being 'over-sensitive' then? I have not said anything as I dont want to argue. I thought that this may probably be what happens when only one half of a marrage have financially contributed. He earns about £15k annum more than me so I will never have an equal share in anything

monty-doggy

punkypin wrote: »

Im guessing then that the fact I felt offended is not just me being 'over-sensitive' then? I have not said anything as I dont want to argue. I thought that this may probably be what happens when only one half of a marrage have financially contributed. He earns about £15k annum more than me so I will never have an equal share in anything

If that's how you feel, then talk to him. You can't live feeling inadequate!
What will happen if there is a major expense in the house, will he expect you to pay 50/50?

If you feel that low aboutut, I'd address it. Maybe he's a typical bloke and has no idea how you feel?

monty-doggy

citricsquid wrote: »

Everybody has different values in life, some people value their own property a lot and don't want everything to be split with their partner. Your relationship could fall apart in a year, you've contributed a very small amount towards the house and may feel eligible to half of the value: some people are happy with that, some people are not.

It's entirely possible that your husband expects to be with you for the rest of your lives but wants to protect his own interests just in case, is that unreasonable? If you expect to be with your husband until you die why does it matter if you have only 10% equity and he has 90%? You know your husband better than anyone here so you are best placed to judge his true intentions, I would not think that this is anything other than him being financially responsible.

Personally I believe that a relationship should be two individuals that want to be together but are happy to be individuals, I would never enter into a long term relationship with somebody if they were not happy with me having freedom, whether that's owning my own property, having my own bank account, going on holiday alone. For some people when they marry they become one person, they have one bank account, shop together, eat together, holiday together, share everything. Maybe your husband just likes his individuality?

Neither approach is wrong, they're just different, everybody is different. It doesn't have to be malicious, belittling or disrespectful when someone values their individuality. He might trust you 100% but still want to be sensible and protect his assets, nobody ever knows what is going to happen in the future.

What a brilliant perspective.
Thank you, that's so refreshing

punkypin

citricsquid wrote: »

Everybody has different values in life, some people value their own property a lot and don't want everything to be split with their partner. Your relationship could fall apart in a year, you've contributed a very small amount towards the house and may feel eligible to half of the value: some people are happy with that, some people are not.

It's entirely possible that your husband expects to be with you for the rest of your lives but wants to protect his own interests just in case, is that unreasonable? If you expect to be with your husband until you die why does it matter if you have only 10% equity and he has 90%? You know your husband better than anyone here so you are best placed to judge his true intentions, I would not think that this is anything other than him being financially responsible.

Personally I believe that a relationship should be two individuals that want to be together but are happy to be individuals, I would never enter into a long term relationship with somebody if they were not happy with me having freedom, whether that's owning my own property, having my own bank account, going on holiday alone. For some people when they marry they become one person, they have one bank account, shop together, eat together, holiday together, share everything. Maybe your husband just likes his individuality?

Neither approach is wrong, they're just different, everybody is different. It doesn't have to be malicious, belittling or disrespectful when someone values their individuality. He might trust you 100% but still want to be sensible and protect his assets, nobody ever knows what is going to happen in the future.

Yeah I know what you mean, I made it clear I came into the marriage with nothing so I will leave with nothing if it came to it as he said it is 'his house' but 'our' home (his quote)...Its just all very new to me and people I speak to seemed shocked when he said what he did when we discussed moving. So by asking on a forum I thought I can get a wider opinion with no bias as I am a stranger.

monty-doggy

I understand if you come into a relationship with nothing, leave with nothing, but a marriage makes it equal in my eyes.

Sorry, I guess I'm more traditional. And I earn more than my bf, but to me it doesn't matter.

InMyDreams

Why would you take on a 'joint' mortgage for 'his' house?

InMyDreams

monty-doggy wrote: »

I understand if you come into a relationship with nothing, leave with nothing, but a marriage makes it equal in my eyes.

I don't. I bet the OP's husband isn't intending on leaving with the same bank balance as when he started.

monty-doggy

InMyDreams wrote: »

I don't. I bet the OP's husband isn't intending on leaving with the same bank balance as when he started.

Sorry I don't get what you mean, you think he should have more?