When one wants to move and the other doesnt!

Cookiepops

H and I have had our house for 14 years now. It was cheap and was supposed to just get us on the property ladder. We have done everything to it and apart from a couple of things we cant do anything about (ie. would like a bigger garden), Im quite happy with it. However, out of the blue, H said a few weeks ago he wants to move. He is older than me and said if we dont move now, we'll never move because he wont be able to get a 25 year mortgage and it will be too expensive. He also sid he still sees this house as a 'bargain basement' home and we should be in something better by now. It is true these houses are still cheap (they are unusual construction) but they are big. He also thinks the area we live in is getting a bit rough, which I do agree with. But from my point of view, the work is done, I dont want to go back to square one and be paying and owing literally double the amount on mortgage we are now. I cant help thinking he is having a bit of a mid life crisis, he has given up a few hobbies recently which meant he was away a lot more - and I was the one left to do the work on the house! We have taken some steps - ie got a mortgage consultation, had our house valued and even looked at another house to see what we could get for our money - this was just so we could make a more informed decision together. But his attitude is worrying me. I said we cant do anything for a couple of months as there are redundancies at my work and they are hitting my area hard. Im hopeful I will be okay but you never know. But he keeps going on about houses he wants to look at and houses slightly over our budget which need to be completely redone!! Oh but while he is saying all of this, he has not done anything about giving me any extra money to try and help pay for all of this. Its so annoying as he is crap with money so he gives me money and I manage things carefully - as a result we have built up a healthy savings account - but I really do believe that is mainly down to me saying no to things and depriving myself of things whilst he has been away on his hobbies. Now it looks like those savings are going to be completely used on something he wants - again! I just dont know what to do - I feel sick at the thought of moving, all the expense and hassle when there is no real reason for it (ie. new job). But I know he wont be happy just staying where we are. My worst scenario is we move and then I am made redundant (they seem to be doing them every year at my work). Where we are, we could afford the mortgage on one salary. Any advice?

Mojisola

Cookiepops wrote: »

But his attitude is worrying me. I said we cant do anything for a couple of months as there are redundancies at my work and they are hitting my area hard. Im hopeful I will be okay but you never know. But he keeps going on about houses he wants to look at and houses slightly over our budget which need to be completely redone!!

Oh but while he is saying all of this, he has not done anything about giving me any extra money to try and help pay for all of this.

Its so annoying as he is crap with money so he gives me money and I manage things carefully - as a result we have built up a healthy savings account - but I really do believe that is mainly down to me saying no to things and depriving myself of things whilst he has been away on his hobbies. Now it looks like those savings are going to be completely used on something he wants - again!

I just dont know what to do - I feel sick at the thought of moving, all the expense and hassle when there is no real reason for it (ie. new job). But I know he wont be happy just staying where we are. My worst scenario is we move and then I am made redundant

It sounds as if there are bigger problems in the relationship than moving or not moving.

If he is so bad with money, you have a simple, temporary remedy - unless he starts saving towards all the costs associated with selling and moving, nothing is going to happen - but it sounds as if it's time to sort out the relationship.

richardw

Would it be possible to move somewhere smaller, less rough with a larger garden and be in a similar financial position as you are now?

lincroft1710

D.I.V.O.R.C.E

Seriously, it seems there is something amiss with the relationship and you should both sit down and try to find out why he is behaving the way he is.

Dunroamin

He must be bored out of his skull living in the same house for 14 years - I knoiw I would be.

Mrs_Z

Cookiepops wrote: »

Now it looks like those savings are going to be completely used on something he wants - again! I just dont know what to do - I feel sick at the thought of moving, all the expense and hassle when there is no real reason for it (ie. new job). But I know he wont be happy just staying where we are. My worst scenario is we move and then I am made redundant (they seem to be doing them every year at my work). Where we are, we could afford the mortgage on one salary. Any advice?

Yes, just say NO.

japmis

lincroft1710 wrote: »

D.I.V.O.R.C.E

Seriously, it seems there is something amiss with the relationship and you should both sit down and try to find out why he is behaving the way he is.

Perhaps marriage counselling before jumping in with the D word?!

japmis

Dunroamin wrote: »

He must be bored out of his skull living in the same house for 14 years - I knoiw I would be.

I've moved house 5 times in the last 7 years..... I'd love to live somewhere for 14 years on the trot!! :j

My renting days are over now so hoping to be more settled.

hcb42

I think his reasons for moving are all sound.

But ultimately this is more about relationships than the property ladder

Lou67

I don't see what is wrong with living somewhere for 14 years! Or 2 or 3 times longer than that if you're happy there. I know many a person/couple/family who have lived in my area since the 1940s and 1950s, and they love it, and they love the cosy community, and the fact that people have known you for 50 years! Much better than the horrible city environment, where people don't even know their next door neighbour's name! Never leaving for a holiday abroad, and never travelling is a bit sad, but what is wrong with putting down roots?

To the OP: I have known many a person move on, after making 60 grand on their right-to-buy council house. They take their 60 grand when they're 45-50 y.o. and add 50 grand to it to buy a house in a middle class suburb, and then have a 50K mortgage at the age of 45-50, when they had their house paid for before! And they only had a 10-20K mortgage to begin with, coz that's all the RTB house was in the late 80s when they bought it.

Many of these people start struggling financially then, just because they wanted to live in a 'better area' and thought it made them better people coz they moved off the council estate. I have also seen several couples regret it too. One old neighbour who I lived near 10 years ago did this, and her hubby got diagnosed with alzheimer's a year later and they couldn't afford the mortgage and lost the house and ended up in a council rental in an area that was MUCH worse than the one they left!

I would stay if I were you, unless you are horribly unhappy. Some areas around me are a bit 'rough.' Although I am OK where we are, there are rough areas 10 minutes walk away... Anywhere you move has a risk of having noise nuisance or gangs of kids roaming around or whatever your OH classes as 'rough.'

I think you should really be having a talk with hubby and a counsellor maybe. Sounds like it IS a mid life crisis. I can't see any reason to move. Like I said, having a mortgage you can hardly afford in your middle age, just to live in a 'better area,' when where you live is OK; is madness. I do think you need to address your relationship... Good luck xxx

hcb42

nothing wrong with being anywhere 14 years, except 50% of the partnership doesnt want to be there any more.