Have you got a child who has emigrated?

tanith

bouncydog1 wrote: »

Why can't you get on the ferry and drive down? Make a couple of stopovers. - roads are excellent. If you don't have a car perhaps you could get a lift on a car share - there will be loads of people going down to Southern Spain this Summer. Nothing is impossible!!

Thanks for that idea bouncydog, we're getting on a bit and couldn't manage that long drive sadly but I hadn't thought about tagging with someone else I wonder how that might be achieved! I'll look into it thanks..:D could be the end to OH's excuses :cool:

System

My daughter did 2 years working in Australia and has spent almost another 2 years in South Africa.

Contact is through Skype (which ive recently started using again) and through Whatsapp messenger. Its not ideal but i dont think she will be settling down there perminantly.

The worst part for me was when she first went to Australia. It scared the life out of me knowing she was travelling alone.

kmmr

I am a child that emigrated. I'm 36 now, and have been in the UK for almost 8 years. And I had done it before (2 years as an extended gap year in my early twenties). I used to worry about my Mum, but she told me once that she had done the same, but in that case she took herself, hubbie and 4 kids to Australia from Ireland, before internet and when we had to book times for phone calls via letters!

We used to have calls where the time lag was so bad you had to say 'over' at the end of each sentence. Hard to imagine now. And travel was much harder too.

Nowadays we have a multiperson whatapps group (which is fantastic) and regular enough Skype calls. Of my parents four kids, three now live overseas (Sweden, HK and UK) so we are well scattered, but still a really close family. I've just finished playing I-Spy with my nephew in Australia via whatapps with my siblings across the world!! Fun on so many levels.

While my parents miss us, they also know it means they have done their job well. We are all strong independant people, who are making the most of life, so what more could a parent really want for their kids.

As it happens we are heading back soon. A minor bout of cancer earlier in the year, as well as years of infertility has made me realise that there comes a time when travel/career/money does become less important than being close to family. So, I am now stealing my husband from his UK family, and taking him away! They are excited and supportive too.

Blue_Elephant

From a completely different POV..

I am the sibling of the child who emigrated. First of all hats off to you for your amazingly positive attitude.

My mum blames me for arguing my brother's case for him and supporting him. According to her, if I hadn't, he wouldn't have gone as he'd have done as she told him. Dad I think has just resigned himself to her attitude.

I find that unlikely, however even if he had, I wonder if she'd rather he had stayed and resented her? If so she wouldn't speak to him half as often as she does now!

My brother wanted to live in Australia since he was about 15, some years later he went travelling and visited Australia as part of that. Some years after that his company had expanded and had opened an office in Brisbane (what is it with the sunshine state?) and he jumped at the chance. Who can blame him?

Now I'm finding that my mum is reluctant for me to even leave my home town, as if I did, who would look after them? This I'm finding harder to deal with than my brother ever would. I love him, but he is innately selfish and would always do what was best for him first, even when we were kids. As the younger child I ended up dealing with everything else.

This restricts my life, but what do I do? I can't begrudge my brother, and I am happy for him. I just wish it didn't have to be either/or.

How do I get my mum to see it from your point of view?

BlueSD

And I'm married to a child who has!

My DH moved over here to the UK from Canada 15 years ago to get married. We never planned to stay here longer than 5 years, but family circumstances have kept us here and having now had 2 children who are in school here, we won't be moving back any time soon.

His parents have been supportive of our decision to stay in the UK, our children love going over there to visit the extended family and we are happy with the decisions we have made.

I'm sure that they would have loved us to go back and be nearer, but they understand that we have chosen to stay here and be close to my family.

Well done for being happy for him - and enjoy the benefits of having a child abroad :j

olias

Just to let you know the devastating consequences that not being supportive can have......

Myself and my wife emigrated to Australia. When discussing visits, my wifes fathers attitude was, 'why would I want to go there to visit, its awful'. At the airport on leaving for our new life, his parting shot was, 'well you won't see me alive again'. Those and other comments had the effect of upsetting my wife so much, she didn't settle at all. We barely heard for either of our families when there, despite me giving everyone email addresses and contact details, and contacting them (or trying to) regularly. I also bought both sets of parents webcams and set up skpe for them and they never used it.

Despite having a wonderful life - a home with palm trees and a pool by the beach and a fantastic future, the negative attitude of family, and them practically cutting us off caused my wife to have a breakdown and attempt suicide which led to us having no option but to return home.

We now have no jobs, no money and my wife is seriously ill with mental health problems - thanks family!:(

olias

Gavin83

Blue_Elephant wrote: »

This restricts my life, but what do I do? I can't begrudge my brother, and I am happy for him. I just wish it didn't have to be either/or.

How do I get my mum to see it from your point of view?

Your brother has done nothing wrong by emigrating. Similarly it's your life and if you wish to emigrate you can too. You honestly shouldn't let your parents or anyone else guilt trip you into following a course of action you don't want. This goes for things outside of emigrating too.

I've already been guilt tripped about emigrating and I've never even suggested it! Before I went travelling for a year several members of my family asked me to never move abroad and said they don't know how they'd cope if I did.

As it happens I'm considering it at the moment. I'm looking into the possibility of moving to Sydney for a few years, with the possible option of staying there if life is much better. Not sure how the family will take the news but there you go.

flyingbug

I have got two daughters who both got married and emigrated

One lives in Brisbane Australia and the other Spokane USA

I speak to them every week on Skype and I try to see one or the other every couple of years.

It is easier for me to fly and see them as they both have families and the Airfare for them is huge

They have both been back to the UK for a visit since they emigrated and they look forward to their holiday but they had not regrets about emigrating

When they told us they were going to emigrate we encourage them both

Although I must say it was harder once the second daughter emigrated ,my husband felt lost for a while.

Someone once ask my eldest daughter what did your mum do to cause you both to emigrate

Her reply was She cut the apron strings and gave us wings to fly

Her answer made me proud

Anyone who is thinking of emigrating do it or years down the line you will be thinking If Only and regretting not trying a new life in a different country

Your family left in the UK will be ok and will hopefully be proud of you for making that choice

alias*alibi

olias wrote: »

Just to let you know the devastating consequences that not being supportive can have......

Myself and my wife emigrated to Australia. When discussing visits, my wifes fathers attitude was, 'why would I want to go there to visit, its awful'. At the airport on leaving for our new life, his parting shot was, 'well you won't see me alive again'. Those and other comments had the effect of upsetting my wife so much, she didn't settle at all. We barely heard for either of our families when there, despite me giving everyone email addresses and contact details, and contacting them (or trying to) regularly. I also bought both sets of parents webcams and set up skpe for them and they never used it.

Despite having a wonderful life - a home with palm trees and a pool by the beach and a fantastic future, the negative attitude of family, and them practically cutting us off caused my wife to have a breakdown and attempt suicide which led to us having no option but to return home.

We now have no jobs, no money and my wife is seriously ill with mental health problems - thanks family!:(

olias

Sorry to hear that; families can be bloody awful cant they? On our last trip to the USA to visit my family and spending hard earned cash to sit around for 2 weeks whilst 5 dogs got most of their attention I decided enough was enough, we wernt going to visit them again as it was time they put themselves out as they were last in the UK in 2007 to go to a funeral but used us as a stop gap. When I said its your turn next they said you'll have a long wait as we are never setting foot into the UK ever again. So selfish that they expected us and their 4 year old granddaughter at the time to make all the journeys; use our money and annual leave up to visit them who are retired. Wasn't going to happen and they haven't seen their granddaughter now for nearly 5 years. Sickens me to the core.

Alpha58

I don't have a child who has emigrated. I have been dropping hints for ages and helpfully packing up their belongings but it isn't working