self sabotage, struggling and teenagers!

prettyplease

So I've been on my debt busting journey for nearly 2 months and its getting hard!!!

I know there are some hard core debt busters on here but I'm a long way from that place and I think perhaps for now I'm being too hard on myself.

Things I have learned on my debt free journey so far:
If I make additional payments at beginning of month I sabotage self at end of month - IE now!!!!

If I make additional payments at end of month I find the money is gone because I've spent it!!

Whilst I am committed to a debt free lifestyle it appears my teenage son is far more expensive than I ever realised (although yes I understand it is my duty to say no and actually the debt is mine and so I dont want him to suffer that much because of my mistakes).

I have also been undertaking extra work to pay off debts but feel subconsciously maybe Ive started spending more as a result. :mad:

So currently I am £300 into an overdraft that I cleared last month. This will now cost me approx £15 in charges. I plan to close this down on payday by visiting a branch ( I have no telephone / online access). However I feel if I take that our of next months spending allowance then I am going to struggle again. This will also be quite an expensive month.
Ideally I'd like my debts down to £15000 by xmas so I really need to focus here. Sorry to moan away, any advice welcome!!

MiMi66

Hi pretty please - it sounds like you have got a plan and are doing well to see the traps of trying to cut back and pay back and what stops that - do try to kill the overdraft though, nothing good comes out of giving the bank your money each month.

I have had to get my teenagers involved by being compeltely honest with our circumstances and it seems tobe working. My 14 year old is now looking to get a paper round to fund his weekend meet ups with mates and my daughter is being very thoughtful (I have to force money onto her ....)

My weakness is the food budget - I love cooking and it is a big part of my creative expression and a way of showing love and care for people - so it is a area of pressure - but it canbe done - local markets and food planning a bit more.

So good luck from me - and remember it wasn't going to be easy to pay back but it can be done. I'm in a similar debt state - and am now looking at nearly £3K paid back since I started this in February. it feels good:-)

Butti

Do you know why you self sabotage? Do you feel you don't deserve good things to happen to you? Are you subconsciously waiting for someone to rescue you?

Besides a good ole pen and paper to write down your expenditure I would suggest the following(all available at the library) to identify some of your head issues;
Alvin Hall - You andyour money
John Bradshaw - Healing the shame that binds you
ditto - Bradshaw on : The family

The Bradshaw ones are quite heavy so maybe start with Alvin

B x

prettyplease

Thanks guys,
MiMi - I read your thread - it is really inspirational. Seems I'm not the only one who is already waiting for the end of June... and when that comes no doubt July would have been planned too!!
Butti - I think I definately self sabotage - be it money, diet, friends etc. Def do not think am awaiting rescue but def have issues I guess ( Its all getting a bit heavy in here )
I will definitely look at the Alvin Hall book - but not this weekend as have an essay to write!

Butti

Hello pp,

That is just what your post said to me.

I know I do because I somehow don't believe I deserve good things, because I am waiting for my dad to show up and save me and my particular favourite. I am crap at finishing things because if you finish them you can be judged (as I was constantly as a child) and found wanting.

Good luck with the essay

B x

DD265

Hi Pretty Please

Just a thought - you probably don't need to take the whole OD out in one go! I only ever reduce mine by £100 at a time and Lloyds are always OK about doing that for me, that way it's not such a big hit.

jessie4109

Could you perhaps put aside the money you would normally overpay with at the start of the month. Then you could use that to overpay at the end of the month, even if it wasn't the full amount eg at least 50% to overpay creditors and if you had to get something for your teenage son you would have a small amount there if you needed to use it. Obviously if you didn't need to use it that particular month it could be used to overpay but by doing this then you cant get overdrawn as the money would have been earmarked anyway.

prettyplease

Thanks guys,
Im afraid Im a bit all or nothing.....moderation does not exist in my book and I think the OD's need to go as they costing money and most of my debt is now at 0%. Infact I will lose the account as santander is just a pain to deal with.
As sais I paid it off last month but have dipped in. Payday is Wednesday so strict spending diary for four weeks of June.In honesty I should manage as will be doing coursework mostly hence no fun.

atush

I am with Mimi on this, you need to talk to your teen. I have had 3, and I know perfectly well that some of your debt was built up buying things/providing money for your teen that perhaps you should not have.

So do sit them down and explain things, and have them help you with ways to cut back.

prettyplease

I have explained to him. He is just finishing GCSE's and I will be getting him a bank account as soon as he turns 16 - then he can earn pocket money and I will transfer it over rather than being a bottomless pit!
He has really wisened up to our situation the last couple of months bless him and is supportive. Plus I've promised us a fab holiday when we debt free so as Cameron says "we all in it together"!!!

ValHaller

prettyplease wrote: »

So currently I am £300 into an overdraft that I cleared last month. This will now cost me approx £15 in charges. I plan to close this down on payday by visiting a branch ( I have no telephone / online access). However I feel if I take that our of next months spending allowance then I am going to struggle again. This will also be quite an expensive month.
Ideally I'd like my debts down to £15000 by xmas so I really need to focus here. Sorry to moan away, any advice welcome!!

Stop making extra payments for the time being. Concentrate on getting your current account into the black and staying there with a growing surplus. Once you have done that you know you are on top of your day to day finances and the debts are part of your history.

Only overpay towards your debts out of a real and genuine surplus in your current account. There is no absolute need to reduce your debt to £15000 by Christmas, although targets are not a bad idea.

But you risk scuppering yourself with over ambition that keeps your debts mixed in with your current situation so you never feel on top of the current situation.