Great 'What I wish I’d known before my wedding' Hunt

tryingtosave100

Hi

This is my first post - so NERVOUS!

My partner and I have organised weddings for hotels for many years. When it came to our own, we really didn't want the pomp and circumstance, and we have also seen the tears, the tantrums, the debt, the unhappiness that big weddings can cause when they become everyone else's wedding and not YOUR wedding.

We're getting married in September, I bought my dress for £60 in Next (for the moneysaver wanting a short cream one - it's stunning) and shoes from ebay (I don't wear high heels normally so no point forking out for new when I will only wear them for one day, and then they'll go to charity), we're having only the people we want there, and as such have organised a small ceremony room (30 people), so other people can't be offended, everyone is staying at a Premier Inn near the venue at £39 per room per night, we're having it early and doing a lunch (not told the restaurant it's a wedding, just a lunch for up to 40 people over 5 hours), and then everyone is free to do what they want in the evening. Invitations - I love the idea of doing your own however I am a lazy bint, so I have ordered some really nice ones from Vistaprint. If you "save for later" and then hang on for a week or so, they send emails offering money off the invitations - 25% off the original price! A friend is making me a Harris Tweed bouquet out of offcuts (no point buying flowers, they will die).

It'll cost us about £1500 (much less than what we had saved up for it, so there's spare money if we need it), with the majority of the money going on the lunch and some wine for our guests. Everyone knows it's an informal day, there will be no speeches, no hats, no cake (both of us hate cake), the groom has decided he "may" buy a new suit, but I'm not bothered if he turns up in his jeans, as long as he shows up.

Over our years doing weddings we have seen that the day can become bigger to the couple than the actual marriage itself, and that's really not what we wanted. We just want to get married with the people we love around us, have a lovely little lunchtime knees up, and then let everyone make their own plans in the evening.... nobody lives near us, so they can then explore the city themselves if they want, or go to bed to sleep it off. Or we may end up going out and about with everyone in tow!

We're both really looking forward to it, there's no stress involved - the only stress we encountered was finding a venue to seat up to 40 of us for lunch over 5 hours - it's on a Tuesday, so no danger of running into anyone else's wedding, and it means, as we live so far away from everyone, that it can be a little mini holiday for everyone else. Anyone who can't afford time off/couldn't come due to expense - we understand and they understand and it's all very relaxed.

Personally I can't wait!

gloriouslyhappy

tryingtosave100 wrote: »

Hi

This is my first post - so NERVOUS!

We're getting married in September, .. We're both really looking forward to it, ..Personally I can't wait!

Welcome to the forum, and best wishes for your wedding, it sounds great and your advice is excellent! It's your day, so have it your way, and long may the happy memories last.

Gemcomp

I got married a year ago and although we splashed out on some things, others we just felt were a rip off and refused to pay. Here are some examples:

Wedding dress - average price looked to be £700-1000 minimum for something decent. I went to a prom dress hire shop and bought a prom dress in ivory for £150. Looked just like a wedding dress and much more reasonable price when it is unlikely you will be able to sell it on. I also never bothered getting it cleaned because if I'm not planning to wear it again or sell it, what is the point?

Edit: Oh and for shoes I wore little ivory decorated flipflops from monsoon. I was able to walk all day and not worry about sinking into gravel/grass or breaking a heel, and I then wore the same flipflops on our honeymoon. They are my favourite pair.

Cupcakes - we did not want a wedding cake, instead we opted for cupcakes. Having been quoted £2.75 per cake from numerous people my friend and I decided to bake our own. For about £40 worth of ingredients we made hundreds of the things and had fun doing them. If you don't want to bake your own the other option is waitrose do some great looking cupcakes for about £1 each (they sell them in packs of 6). Still more expensive but way cheaper than the specialists round here. I don't think the £2.75 ones were even particularly fancy, just a cake with some whipped icing.

I am not keen on flowers (many people do not understand this but I really just don't like them) so I did not want flowers for table centres. Instead I bought some cheap vases in Ikea (£1.80 each) and filled them with sweats (wrapped ones) which cost me about as much for the lot as someone would have charged for one vase worth of flowers as a table centre. If you are not bothered about flowers I would definitely encourage considering other options. For my "bouquet" I went to sainsburys the day before the wedding and bought an orchid. On the day my sister simply cut off the bottom (ie the pot it was growing in!) and wrapped a little ribbon around it. Cost £15 for me to have that, my sister to have one similar and my dad and father-in-law to have button-holes (3 orchid pots in total) vs the £300 I was quoted for exactly the same thing.

I would just say every time someone quotes you something sit back and think if this was not my wedding day would I be willing to pay this much. If the answer is no then question why you are spending it. Of course there are still things to splash out on but just think it though and don't get swept away. I would also say the same goes for guests you are inviting. Would you be willing to take that person out and buy them dinner? If not why are you inviting them to the meal at your wedding?

Hope some of that helps.

Aw555

Hi, another newbie, my wedding is in 12 days, slight butterfly's at the mo? We only booked in December so have had a lot to do? Having ceremony, reception and staying at lovely venue, getting married on a Thursday as solo much cheaper than weekend, got my dress from preloved, never worn should have been £900, paid £200, groom and best man in vintage tweed wool suits, from vintage shops in frome, sorry forgot to say going for a vintage tea party theme!
For favours we have made plum jam, time consuming but worth while I think! Have made nearly everything myself, table plan, card hamper etc decorated sweet jars, friend is doing me a small bouquet and men have fake roses button holes, with lovely little wooden buttons that I have used on other things to tie in together, got my daughters dress in sale from monsoon, £48 down to £12, both mine and her shoes ebay, bargains, lovely wicker three tier cake stand, that's where you can help, was ordering 3 plain cakes from waitrose but have been informed asda and tesco sell them? I think the key is to research everything?

PoppyGirl

pixieG wrote: »

Firstly, disposable cameras are so outdated and inconvenient in this technological age. You can't share the pics on Facebook! Instead, we used Trycapsule which is a free site that you can invite your guests to. As they are taking photos on their phones (as most people do), they can be automatically uploaded to your site where friends and family can view during the day. This was particularly useful for our guests who couldn't attend or who were only able to attend the evening reception. Everyone can now see the bride's preparation, the ceremony and the speeches if they weren't there! Plus, digital camera users can also upload their pics when they get back to their computers (or put their memory cards in someone's phone to upload the pictures). All our guests photos were kept all together and shared with people that I invited!

This is a good idea for after the day, and I agree it is nice for people who aren't there to see photos - but during my wedding I'd like to think that my guests were having a nice time: generally dancing, eating, drinking and celebrating with me, not messing about uploading photos to the internet from phones and cameras!

Georgiegirl256

tryingtosave100 wrote: »

Hi

This is my first post - so NERVOUS!

My partner and I have organised weddings for hotels for many years. When it came to our own, we really didn't want the pomp and circumstance, and we have also seen the tears, the tantrums, the debt, the unhappiness that big weddings can cause when they become everyone else's wedding and not YOUR wedding.

We're getting married in September, I bought my dress for £60 in Next (for the moneysaver wanting a short cream one - it's stunning) and shoes from ebay (I don't wear high heels normally so no point forking out for new when I will only wear them for one day, and then they'll go to charity), we're having only the people we want there, and as such have organised a small ceremony room (30 people), so other people can't be offended, everyone is staying at a Premier Inn near the venue at £39 per room per night, we're having it early and doing a lunch (not told the restaurant it's a wedding, just a lunch for up to 40 people over 5 hours), and then everyone is free to do what they want in the evening. Invitations - I love the idea of doing your own however I am a lazy bint, so I have ordered some really nice ones from Vistaprint. If you "save for later" and then hang on for a week or so, they send emails offering money off the invitations - 25% off the original price! A friend is making me a Harris Tweed bouquet out of offcuts (no point buying flowers, they will die).

It'll cost us about £1500 (much less than what we had saved up for it, so there's spare money if we need it), with the majority of the money going on the lunch and some wine for our guests. Everyone knows it's an informal day, there will be no speeches, no hats, no cake (both of us hate cake), the groom has decided he "may" buy a new suit, but I'm not bothered if he turns up in his jeans, as long as he shows up.

Over our years doing weddings we have seen that the day can become bigger to the couple than the actual marriage itself, and that's really not what we wanted. We just want to get married with the people we love around us, have a lovely little lunchtime knees up, and then let everyone make their own plans in the evening.... nobody lives near us, so they can then explore the city themselves if they want, or go to bed to sleep it off. Or we may end up going out and about with everyone in tow!

We're both really looking forward to it, there's no stress involved - the only stress we encountered was finding a venue to seat up to 40 of us for lunch over 5 hours - it's on a Tuesday, so no danger of running into anyone else's wedding, and it means, as we live so far away from everyone, that it can be a little mini holiday for everyone else. Anyone who can't afford time off/couldn't come due to expense - we understand and they understand and it's all very relaxed.

Personally I can't wait!

That's lovely! It's great to here from another bride to be who is so laid back too. Everyone keeps on saying "I can't believe how laid back you are", but that's just how I am, to me, it's the marriage that means something not so much the big day.

We are getting married in Gretna Green on the 24th June this year, it'll all be arranged in a matter of weeks from start to finish, we're having just my parents and his Mam there, as that's how we want it, and like you say, no speeches, no cake, no fuss! Just a simple meal afterwards, job done!

Birdie85

tryingtosave100 wrote: »

Hi

A friend is making me a Harris Tweed bouquet out of offcuts (no point buying flowers, they will die).

This sounds so nice, please post photos once you're married!

Another little tip: be careful when choosing your wedding dress! It may feel comfortable for the 10 minutes you have it on in the shop but that's totally different to wearing it for 12hours! Make sure it fits properly as not only does it look bad if it's too small but it will be so uncomfortable and you'll not be able to eat and drink much which is a massive part of the day!

Also... avoid beading! Having some on the front and back is fine (lovely, even) but if the beading goes all around the top of the dress it will scratch your arms to shreds; one of my friends had a fancy beaded number and by the time she'd left the church her arms were red and sore, by the evening they were bleeding in places!

sheeppappar

swampy / supersaver.. BHS definitely the way forward... my dress is from there.. supersaver i've PM'ed you the link.. £53 I think it was hurrah!
it's short and ivory so fits the bill!

BettyCakes

Hi, another newbie here, but ridiculously excited to be getting married in October.
Top tip is get married abroad! I know this might not be for everyone, but we are getting married in Malta, and venue costs etc are much cheaper. The hotel where we are getting married is providing cake, flowers, seat covers etc all as part of the package. Which is great as it also reduces the stress, and we have a better chance of sunny weather.
It does mean that some people cannot attend the wedding, but all the really import people are coming, and we have cut out all family politics of great aunt Maud, and people we barely know being invited, as we have kept it small.
We also did our invites over email. I painted a water colour and scanned this in and sent it as a pdf. Cut out the postage and printing costs and meant people less likely to lose it, and could print it out as many times as they needed. Also meant we could include loads of info without having extra bits of paper in with the invite.
Another top tip is i only have one bridesmaid. It was too hard to try and choose between all my girlfriends, and i couldn't have one person and not another etc, so i would have ended up with seven! So i just went for one, and it's been so easy finding just one dress that she likes and that suits her.
Also look on ebay for wedding accessories. Veils and wedding shoes are so expensive in the shops, but you can pick up these things on ebay, and they've only been worn once.
Good luck to everyone getting married this year.

Eleanory

My husband and I got married in 1986. We were living in rented accommodation and had jobs which paid minimum wage before minimum wage was even thought of so we had no money to waste.
Before computers were cheaply and easily available, my husband made our invitations using Letraset which he then photocopied onto card. He bought his suit, shirt and tie in C & A's closing down sale. I bought my wedding dress in a closing down sale for £50. I haggled because it was shopsoiled. The assistant told me how to clean it myself using cotton wool and warm water to which some washing up liquid had been added (synthetic lace). After the wedding I gave it to Oxfam.
We bought our wedding rings from Ratner's (remember them?) My head-dress was £1.50 in a bargain bin in Debenhams. Shoes came from a cheap shoe-shop, a bit uncomfortable but I hardly wore them after the wedding.
We had a church wedding. Ours was the second wedding that day so there were already flowers in the church. My husband made bouquets for me, my two matrons of honour and buttonholes for the men. The flowers cost £15. My brother-in-law, who gave me away, drove me and the matrons of honour to the church. My husband drove himself and his best man and drove me and himself to the reception afterwards.
My mother paid for a buffet at a local hotel and leftovers were brought out for the evening reception. My elder sister paid for the wine which we bought at a discount warehouse. We paid for a disco.
We were involved in Church music and one of our friends wrote us a song as a present. He brought his guitar, amp and microphone to perform it at the reception. He allowed others to use his guitar so we had an impromptu sing-song. Many people told us afterwards it was the best wedding they had ever been to. We celebrate our 2th anniversary later this month, probably with a takeaway and a bottle of wine, as we are still broke, but still happy.