Not sure what to do....

top_drawer_2

Hello

I struggle to make friends; it seems to be that I struggle to make conversation beyond the basics i.e what's happening at the moment/people and this seems to lead to a difficulty in building relationships. My main social contact is with people from my current job who this past few months/weeks (no fireworks to indicate exact moment) I seem to have made some inroads with and have been invited to things/involved/had fb messages/phonecalls/and had possible future events "mentioned" in passing. I have been making a lot of effort to work on things ...

My role is a caring one and it is often said too be something ANYONE could do, the (charitable) organisation I work for seem to think so ... the manager has been known to say that if we don't like doing X,Y or Z then he will employ others who will... There is also a lot of !!!!!ing goes on (mainly female environment, young average age) and it has got me down in the past as I am not in "their group" of being invited/involved in things.

Six weeks I had a fall causing quite a bad injury, rendering me unable to work. Due to my injury I returned to living with my parents, at first temporarily but gave up the room I rented as I hated my landlady and had been looking for somewhere else to live for ages (no success here either). I've enjoyed living at home - seeing more of my sis's, parents etc as even though where I normally live isn't that far away, I don't drive so its 2 buses and they finish fairly early in the evening. When I did visit I felt as if I was intruding on their life, they just seemed to go on with what they always did IYSWIM, a little confused even why I was visiting even ... when I speak to them on the phone we just exchange information.

I've recently completed a Certificate in English Language Teaching to Adults (CELTA) despite my injury. I hoped getting this would provide me an opportunity to travel and maybe some experience which could eventually lead to me getting something worthwhile in the UK (or a career in its itself).

Anyway the crux is that I'm pulled in all directions about whether to return to the place I had been living (and my job) or stay where I am, living at home with parents. I'm concerned that my employer is going to become "difficult" as they claim I am not entitled to SSP and I know they are just swinging the lead.

I'm unsure whether to apply for work in this area of where I am living now and save up/make plans to go abroad as I don't think I could manage living here long-term. The summer time was always easier when I was growing up ...

It possible I could travel in each shift although it would be expensive at £4.20 day rider from my town to the nearest place the bus through to the city collects + £4 to get to where I actually work. I would only be able to work the morning shifts as last bus is really early at 1805 and the last bus to actually get to my house is 1001 (late shift finish at 1030). Plus time consuming + involve early mornings, bus from home would be at 0610 and return would be 0418 (finish at 3.30). I would struggle to be involved with things, should I be invited as getting home would be impossible.

I also have an offer of a place to rent at £350 pcm which seemed like the place I had been looking for, for all these months. No issues with my pet and clean, tidy and a nice person, near work.

I am pursuing volunteer work as a ESOL Assistant with a local immigration support place in the hope to gain experience/confidence. This takes place on weekdays which might make continuing difficult if I should get offered a job.

I feel that I am at a crossroads in my life and I want to make the right decision. I have lumbered between !!!!!! situations one after the other this past year and frankly I am sick of it. My long term plan is to go abroad although again this seems fraught with issues too as I will need to re-home my pet (how I have no idea), and will need a position suitable for a newly qualified teaching certificate holder.

This is a mommouth post so thank you if you got through it and thank you for any advice.

TD

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

You don't need permission to do anything. Just follow what your heart tells you would make you happier.

top_drawer_2

I'm not looking for permission. I have already tried following my gut feeling and I feel dread about settling on either.

McKneff

Better to do something now than not do it and regret not doing it in the future.

Youre a long time dead. No go and enjoy what ever you decide to do.
Good luck

neneromanova

My philosophy in life now is if you think you'll look back in 5 years and regret not doing it when you had the chance you'll regret it for the rest of your life so do it now while you can

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

top_drawer wrote: »

I'm not looking for permission. I have already tried following my gut feeling and I feel dread about settling on either.

Ok. So if I tell you that you must stay in a crap job with an awful boss and very little in the way of a social life, with no guarantee that the job is still going to be there - or you take a risk and look to improving your prospects in a nice new home, where you could meet new people who you get along with, get ready to travel the world if you decide you want to, or stay there if you like it - what would you advise somebody to do?

You won't be homeless. You'll be able to do two different types of job. You'll be able to pay your bills.

Of course it's scary. But don't let fear of the unknown hold you back.

Dunroamin

If you have difficulties making friends in the UK, you could find yourself very isolated when living abroad and not speaking the language.

marisco_2

You are a free agent with no one dependant on you, most likely more than capable of achieving all manner of things. What holds you back is not having the self belief or confidence to just get out there and give new things a go.

When contemplating making changes to their lives, people naturally focus on all the things they need to do to make them possible. Many over analyse and come up with countless pitfalls to their aims and give up on them. Try an approach of 'what is the worst that can happen' instead. If the answer isn't 'it could see me off' then why not just try new things and see where life takes you. Go with the flow more and enjoy it, as at the moment you sound very weighed down with worries and anxiety.

top_drawer_2

I am very anxious. I tend to get into situations and then struggle to get out of them. I definitely want to go abroad, that's not the question, at the moment I'm focusing on the more short term as to what to with my current job.

I'm scared of being friend-less; work tends to fill a lot of time and being off has let out a lot of the feelings of lonliness.

Almo

Where do you want to go with your CELTA? You will need to have the confidence to get a job over the many other CELTA teachers out there and it could be quite isolating to begin with depending on what country you choose.

ESL has suffered a lot in the recession although there will always be a demand.

top_drawer_2

I would like to go abroad. I know I can/will work on the confidence issue and am willing and able to get out and about attending events.

I am working on my skills in the above areas as we speak..........

I know I need a position where they are willing to help a NQT in lesson planning/support in controlling the class. I also know I wont cope well with a homestead type arrangement as I love my own space (willing to do shared house/flat though).

I ideally want somewhere there is a EFL community contact/support available.

I showed an interest in Russia and have been told its inadvisable as russians are not good beginner students so looking at IH/BC.