What can we try next?

MrMoneyman

bargainbetty wrote: »

No. This is not logical. Please read the 'lending money to friends and family' sticky to get an idea of what people are trying to say to you.

You may genuinely be in love, but getting financially straight is a serious business. Your GF needs to take responsibility for herself, and not expect people to get cheap debt for her. Help her out by treating her, helping her save money, find a second job and contribute if you want, to get the highest interest one of the small cards paid off. If you can do that, you can then approach them about low-life-of-balance transfers, and you empty the next card onto it, and so forth.

I have a good friend, and I still consider her a good friend, to whom I have lent approx £1k and I know in my heart I will never see a penny of it again. She simply refuses to acknowledge it exists. If you take out this debt and something happens, you'll be in the same boat. And don't be stupid enough to try to drag a third party into this, or mean enough.

Has it occurred to you that her parents won't 'budge on the rent' because she might owe them money? From bailing her out over the years? Or because they recognise that she needs to pay her own way?

:rotfl:......where to begin?

Firstly she wouldn't ask me for 1k in the first place and if I did lend her £1k, she'd absolutely pay me back. I think you need to rethink your term 'good friend' because in my book a good friend wouldn't borrow that amount amount of money and then refuse to acknowledge. So please don't let your own mistake cloud your judgement here. If I take on one of her cards and I pay it off what's the issue, it's only money.

What you seem to have trouble grasping, is just because somoene might have an issue with money management it doesn't mean they are any less trustworthy or void of morals.

Secondly there's no issue with paying back parents, and thirdly while there might be a lesson to learn here regarding paying your own way, my lookout on that seems to be slightly different. If you can help someone out then what's the issue, the quicker the issue gets sorted, the quicker everyone can move on. For the record (and I don't why i'm justifying this to some randomer on the internet) she hasn't asked for help, but she's going to get it anyway, because it's overwhelming her.

Hope that goes some way to answering your questions.

harrys_dad

OP, you came on here and asked for advice, and have been given some. You have a free choice about whether or not to take it. Good luck, your girlfriend is lucky to have you.

moohound

You need to resolve this in the best (and cheapest!) way as a couple, never mind her bearing the burden and learning lessons, if you are committed to each other then you need to work together to put yourselves in the best possible position for the future, and shelling out £500 in interest is clearly not doing this.

If you could get a cheap rate loan of 5% or so then this might be the way to go, but only if you were in a position to service the loan if she was unable to, otherwise you would end up in a bigger mess. If you do this her cards will have to go for good though, properly cancelled rather than just cut up.

A relative cleared my debts of over £36000 ( with £24000 full and finals) because she could not bear to see me living my life in the way I was, panicking every time I had an unexpected expense, not going out or on holiday and wearing clothes with holes in. She cleared them with cash, rather than taking on the debt which I know is a bit different, but the sentiment is the same. I did not ask her for it and I refused repeatedly but she insisted,(it barely made a dent in her savings by the way )

timetogrowup89

If you are planning on helping her (which I think is really nice and.... and in the future I am sure she will pay you back in other ways, like you say money isnt important. Also, you said she is paid more, so when you clear this, she will have more to put towards savings for your own place)

Anyway, my only suggestion would be for you to do a SOA for yourself to figure out how much you have spare each month that you could help with, then decide from there whats best to do with this money?

Good Luck

MrMoneyman

harrys_dad wrote: »

OP, you came on here and asked for advice, and have been given some. You have a free choice about whether or not to take it. Good luck, your girlfriend is lucky to have you.

Quite correct, I just don't appreciate being lectured, that's not what I came here for, but I have appreciated everyones comments, they've helped me clear a few things in my mind. Hopefully i'll revisit this thread when it's all sorted.

oopsadaisydoddle

MrMoneyman wrote: »

Quite correct, I just don't appreciate being lectured, that's not what I came here for, but I have appreciated everyones comments, they've helped me clear a few things in my mind. Hopefully i'll revisit this thread when it's all sorted.

I don't believe anyone has lectured you. Not sure where this idea has come from. People have posted giving their opinions (which by posting on a public forum, you asked for). They have also shared their experiences. Regardless of what you know about your relationship, there are plenty of others who have been in the same position as yourself and ended up stung. This you will see if you read the sticky mentioned earlier.

Ultimately the decision is yours but people mentioned that particular thread with the aim of helping, not hindering. I also understand that you may have wanted 'specific' advice but by posting on here, you leave yourself open to the opinions and experiences of other people.

Put simply, people don't want you to have the need to post on 'that thread' months/years down the line.

MrMoneyman

oopsadaisydoddle wrote: »

I don't believe anyone has lectured you. Not sure where this idea has come from. People have posted giving their opinions (which by posting on a public forum, you asked for). They have also shared their experiences. Regardless of what you know about your relationship, there are plenty of others who have been in the same position as yourself and ended up stung. This you will see if you read the sticky mentioned earlier.

Ultimately the decision is yours but people mentioned that particular thread with the aim of helping, not hindering. I also understand that you may have wanted 'specific' advice but by posting on here, you leave yourself open to the opinions and experiences of other people.

Put simply, people don't want you to have the need to post on 'that thread' months/years down the line.

Look, i've no issue with people pointing out that thread, in fact i'm pleased that it was and everyones input has been apreciated. My problem was clearly only with one post which I quoted and responded to earlier in the thread, and if you go back and read it, you might see why I took issue with it.