Some advice from your kind selves please!

asea

Hi

My dad is in his mid-50s now & over the past year I have seen his health deteriorate rapidly & it's breaking my heart & I don't know what to do!

He still works full time (he runs his own business) which does take alot out of him. He's put on a lot of weight & doesn't do much exercise. He wheezes all of the time & my brother told me a couple of months ago that my dad was clutching at his chest & had chest pains my brother called an ambulance but dad said that he was fine & refused to go!

He's got really swollen legs & can barely walk in the mornings till the swelling & pain stops.

I went with my dad to egypt a few weeks ago (he's egyptian) so that he could see all of his brothers & sisters (i thought it might cheer him up & they might be able to help me pursuade him to go to the doctors. They are all alot older than him (by at least 15 years) and it was so painful for me to see how bad his health is compared to them (as well as painful for them). His flat there is on the 3rd floor & I thought that the stairs would kill him. The sounds coming out of his chest brought me to tears every time.

When we were over there, he showed me some property which he had bought and said that you need to know about this as if I die it's for you & your brother & sisters. I can't bear it - I don't want my dad to be ill yet alone talking about dying, he's only 53!! We had an argument as I can't bear hearing him talking like this & I don't want anything from him, I only want my Dad to be healthy & happy, not dead.

He won't listen to me & go to the doctor, he has such a defeatist attitude & I'm becoming more & more concerned & scared that something really bad is going to happen. My parents are both very religious & my Mum thinks that I am overreacting & it's all in god's hands. She says I'm making it worse by nagging him but I don't know what to do!

Some of my other relatives (in Egypt) say that there is nothing I can do & to respect his wishes & that his generation cannot be helped if they do not want to be but there is no way that I can just let this happen in front of me. How do I pursuade him (without making things worse) to get some medical help? What can I do other than nag him? Please, any advice is really really appreciated.

Thanks

seven-day-weekend

You could try telling him that you want your Dad around for a few more years yet and he's being very selfish to those who love him by not seeking medical help. However, if he still refuses, there is not a lot else you can do.

It must be heart-breaking for you - hope you can persuade him.

asea

thank you seven-day-weekend. i already have. i feel like i've been doing nothing but nag nag nag him & I hate that. i even thought about putting a sleeping pill in his tea when i was in egypt and then getting a doctor in, which goes to show how insane this is driving me - i can't let this happen without doing nothing

Robin_T_Cox

Start with giving him some practical help. His swollen legs problem would undoubtedly be helped if you got him some compression socks. I know, because I wear them myself and have also had weight problems in the past. Scholl supply them, and there is a FAQ here:

http://www.scholl4legs.com/faqs.php

He will probably be able to get these on prescription, but for that he will need to go and see his doctor. Perhaps once he has tried the socks and felt the benefit, you can interest him in the idea of saving money that way.

Another thing you can do is get an inexpensive machine and measure his blood pressure yourself, or help him to do it himself. It's important for everyone, but especially people of your dad's age, to keep a regular check on this, and if necessary get medication to keep it within bounds.

So, if he won't go to the doctor (yet), here are two practical things you can do to help him, and perhaps set your own mind at rest.

asea

Thank you very much! Will do both this evening!!!

inmypocketnottheirs

Hey! Can't add anything to the advice given, but offer support in your endeavours. I hope your Dad recognises your concern and love for him.

All the best.