Am I the only one fed up hearing folk moan about their debt but do nothing about it?

SunderlandBlackCat

I have that same situation with a mate at work. I tried to help & stayed back after work a couple of evenings to walk him through SOA, creating a budget & starting to plan ahead for annual expenses, uswitch, snowballing etc.

He came in on the Monday morning & proudly announced that he'd sorted his debt out by getting a consolidation loan (his 3rd). He's now busy running up his credit cards & overdraft again & the complaining about it all was almost constant.

I've eventually had to bluntly tell him he was choosing to be in debt so I wouldn't listen if he tried to bring up the subject again unless he was actually starting to do something about it. I think his problem is that he believes the stuff he buys is an entitlement instead of a luxury so until he changes that attitude there will be no helping him.

lynsayjane

I had a similar problem with a friend, tho debt wasn't her problem it was her weight. I lost three stone going to the gym and went from a size 16-18 to a size 12. she has admitted to me before now that she is jealous but I put a lot of hard work into losing that weight, five trips to the gym a week, huge changes to my diet etc. I have tried and tried to get her to come to the gym with me just once to see what it's like but she won't set foot in the place, yet continues to moan about how fat she is.

I gave up trying and now hardly speak to her.

wherediditallgo

Given that I've had months of her telling me about her overdraft, having no money etc, I told my friend yesterday that I'm a captive audience at the moment but as of 1 June she's allowed one moan about money a week, as I can't offer more help than I've done already. She looked a bit surprised & said that she doesn't talk about it that much, then was rather embarrassed when I reminded her of how many conversations we've had on the subject. I've given her all the info again that I gave her before, so whatever she 'lost' she's got now & can't make excuses for not using. I don't mind her talking about her debts - it's the doing nothing about them that gets to me.

Conor_3

Sorry for this rant but I have to get it off my chest. I'm at the point of killing people.

SIL/FIL both get the equivalent of a £32k gross pa job in benefits, which is about £2k net more than me and the missus get for working our backsides off. Both are completely !!!!less with their money. SIL has no rent/council tax to pay and despite being bailed out by an ex boyfriend 3 years ago for £3000 and her FIL 4 months ago for £5000, she's up to her eyeballs in debt with these stupid shopacheck types.
FIL takes no responsibility for his actions and has managed to go through £100,000 in 2 years spending it on crap. Quite how a 67 yr old gets £100k of credit is beyond me but there you are.
A week on Wednesday he banks. I say he banks but in reality, me and the missus have done all the running around including finding FIL/MIL rented accommodation to move into. He's under the impression that when he goes to see the OR (there's no way is this going to be a telephone interview), that he can just sit there and blame it all on his bad memory and that he can't remember what he spent it on. I suspect he's going to think he can get me to explain it. He's handing the keys back to the mortgage company because he can't be arsed to sort the house out which will saddle the MIL with the shortfall and a £16k secured loan, so she'll end up banking as well in a few months time because he gives her no money and she has to live off £200 a month pension. Shows how much he gives a damn about her.

Well tough. He's going to find out how pee'd off I am the same as the SIL did yesterday when she came round with a bailiffs notice for seizure. She got told to phone em up and sort it out. He's going to find himself dropped off at the ORs office and told to ring me when they've finished.

I'm washing my hands of the pair of them, financially. We've wasted the last 4 years trying to sort the SIL and she just takes no notice whatsover. It really gets my goat that they sit there on their backsides raking in more money than we do for a combined working week of 80 hours, with nothing to pay for the roofs over their head and think they're badly done to. Typical benefits scroungers - world owes em a living and everything is everyone elses responsibility to sort out.

Sod em.

At least coming on these forums shows me there's people who do actually give a damn about the circumstances they've got into and are trying to get themselves out of it.

Rant over. I feel much better now. THanks.

Dithering_Dad

I'm firmly in the "lead a horse to water, but can't make it drink" camp. Your pal will eventually have her LBM moment and like a good pal you'll be there to help. It'll probably not happen though until something in her financial life changes (kids, marriage, new home, etc) and she can no longer comfortably meet her debt repayments.

This has similarities with myself and Mrs Dither, no matter how much I beg, cajole or threaten she won't let me have nookie until she is ready. Clearly nookie and debt are not the same thing, but the principle is the same. Kind of. Well OK, I've not had nookie in ages and so it's on my mind, well OK, you try and work away all the time and not have it on your mind! Stop judging me!!! :mad:

I'm off for a lie down, the stress of this week has affected me more than I thought.

Shineyhappy

I agree with everyone that it is so depressing listening to the woe is me friends who are up to their eyes in stupid debt and yet still spend 5 pounds a day at lunchtime instead of taking a packed lunch and get drunk and blow a small fortune on that and then going on E bay! That is one of my colleagues yet if you say why not make your own lunch, you get your head biten off!

I am very careful what I say now as regards MSE or anything about money/spending habits.

My OH is quite well off and earns twice what I do and I told him about this site and he loves it and is now a MFW although he wont post. But he does now have a cash back credit card (paid off in full at the end of the month) and has now put 3k in an ISA and is looking at the OS board. He doesnt need to do any of that stuff but does want to make the most of his cash. :T

I guess some people are naturally tighter than others with money and it astounds me that some people would rather run up huge debts on cr%p than look tight taking a packed lunch to work! :mad:

ifstar

Storm wrote:

I think for many of us then we don't start to see debt as a problem until we start struggling to meet the minimum repayments - so even though your friend doesn't *like* being overdrawn, it's not a scary enough figure to make her want to give up other stuff she likes doing (nights out, weekend breaks, shopping etc)

It all comes down to priorities I guess, and I know part of me can get a bit jealous when I see people spending loads without worrying - even though I know that it's going on credit cards rather than them having 'real' money

Think that is absolutely spot on. I think many people see a "manageable" debt as not being a debt.

wherediditallgo wrote: »

I think you're right. Maybe if she owed several thousands she'd take it more seriously. Despite her moaning (it's almost every time I see her), it doesn't seem to impact on her lifestyle at all - I've known her a couple of years, & she goes/eats out, shops etc as much as she ever did: I don't go with her every time because I know I can't afford it. I've been off work sick for a few weeks following major surgery, & she's been round to see me a couple of times - every time she wants to bring wine, expensive puds etc & every time I have to put my foot down & insist that she doesn't. Apart from the fact that I can't drink/eat them anyway, she can't afford it & it's unnecessary. Another friend has started ignoring her texts, as she's been getting ones asking to borrow £10/20 at a time & she can't afford it.

I know you have said you have tried directing her to the site but you could sit down with her and try and work out a budget/SOA with her.
You could also buy her Martins Money Diet book and try and get her to read it to see if that will help.
If you try these then if she starts moaning again then you can say to her that you have tried to sit down and help her and shown her what to do.

But I agree totally - it can be very, very frustrating.