Am I the only one fed up hearing folk moan about their debt but do nothing about it?

wherediditallgo

I don't mean people on forums like this one - everyone here is either seeking help, or has already been given help & is trying to support others, & that's great. I mean the people who moan about having debts, yet won't do anything to sort it out themselves.

One of my friends has a take home pay of £1100 a month. I get about £200pm more. Her rent is about the same as mine, but hers is inclusive of all bills (she has a mobile so doesn't have a landline). As I have my own flat, although initially I get paid more than her, within a week she's got more than me because I've got to pay all my utilities plus council tax (my council tax alone is £90pm for 10 months :eek:). Also I pay into the company pension scheme (£100pm) & pay union subs (£8pm), neither of which she does. My friend has been overdrawn by at least £500pm for the last 6-8 months - she has one credit card with about £600 owing on it, so her shortage of money must be down to how she spends her cash each month, yet she can't see that. About 4 months ago, I suggested that she give me £50-75pm as soon as she got paid, so that I could put that to one side for her until she had enough to completely clear the overdraft in one go - she said she would, but though I've mentioned it twice since then, she still hasn't done it & her overdraft is still as high as it always was. I've also encouraged her to do a spending diary - yesterday, she told me she hasn't started it yet though I mentioned it over a month ago. I gave her an Excel budget spreadsheet, so that she can log her spending & help her plan better. She's had it over 2 months, & other than look it when I first sent it to her she hasn't opened it since.

I don't know how to get through to her that if she chooses to do nothing about it, then she's in effect choosing to live with it. She's a good friend, & apart from the credit card & the overdraft, she hasn't got any other debts. But I'm starting to get really fed up with hearing her moaning about always being overdrawn, when she doesn't appear to be doing anything to sort it out for herself. I chose the best solution for me to resolve my debts, yet she won't do anything for herself - she's already well over £400 overdrawn & she doesn't get paid until the end of the month. Do any of you get weary of people you care about who just can't hear themselves or you? She still spends unnecessarily - she goes out at least 3 times a week, spends loads on food shopping & clothes, goes on weekend breaks in Europe at least once every 6 weeks or so, etc. I'm starting to get tired of offering solutions to someone who ignores them.

immoral_angeluk

COmpletely understand what you're saying. Some people are a lost cause.. they moan and moan about being in debt etc but don't do anything about it..

You've tried to help... but she has to want to help herself which at the moment really doesn't seem to be happening...

bowz25

hi
You sound like a good friend, unfortunately there is only so much you can do for people.
Until they have their own lbm all you can give is advice, like anything in life people have to make the choice on their own if they want to tackle things.

It is hard work sorting out debts and its stressful and mundane at times but its responsible as well, not everyone is ready for it.

bye for now

wherediditallgo

Oh, I'm glad someone else understands my position. I don't want to fall out with her, but sometimes I really feel like telling her to shut up. I can't afford to shop or go out as much as she does, because I have to live on a budget plus my 'roof over the head' expenses are much higher than hers. She can't seem to see she can't afford to shop or go out as much as she does either, & it's really getting on my nerves. Sometimes I feel as though I went through all the stress of sorting out my own problems, got them dealt with & now I'm in debt again by proxy. :rolleyes:

Triker

Hey don't be too harsh, it takes some people a while to get to their light bulb moment.:D

Being in denial about your debt is very much a symptom of the debt disease, we've all been there, hence the amounts we all owe.

One day your friend may suss it out and she'll be lucky enough to have you there to guide her and point her into this direction.

I remember ages ago a friend who was working behind the bar where we had gone for a drink, I sympathised with her because she couldn't relax, have a drink and spend money, she said, 'while you lot are spending it, I'm earning it, who needs the sympathy'.:p

angelavdavis

I completely understand your situation, but the fact is some people live their lives like this! Imagine - what would they have to complain about if they didn't have their overdraft!

Reality is (as we know) unless you can be bothered to do something about it, it isn't really bothering you that much.

KellsBells

Hiya,

Sadly your mate just hasn't had their lightbulb moment yet. One day they will realise that they've got themselves in a bit of an unnecessary mess and that's when they will seek help.

You know what they say, you can take a horse to water.........

The best thing you can do is be supportive when they have their LBM and share all you knowledge and success with them then.

Storm

I think for many of us then we don't start to see debt as a problem until we start struggling to meet the minimum repayments - so even though your friend doesn't *like* being overdrawn, it's not a scary enough figure to make her want to give up other stuff she likes doing (nights out, weekend breaks, shopping etc)

It all comes down to priorities I guess, and I know part of me can get a bit jealous when I see people spending loads without worrying - even though I know that it's going on credit cards rather than them having 'real' money

wherediditallgo

I've started sometimes doing the "Yes" & "Oh right" automatic responses, as I don't want to be rude to her but sometimes can't take the "I can't believe I'm overdrawn already" conversations. I really want to help her (have also directed her to this site), but it's like she's not as bothered as she's making out. Her debt isn't huge by the levels of many here, but if her constant overdraft is getting on her nerves as much as it's getting on mine , why not do something about it instead of just moaning?

She's overdrawn within about 10 days of getting paid, then spends the rest of the month living off the overdraft. Though I've told her that a bank can withdraw an overdraft at any time as long as they give you notice, the point doesn't seem to have hit home that if they do, she'll barely be able to cover her rent & get herself through the month, so it's best to get rid of the overdraft asap. At least she's not talking about getting a loan or another credit card to do it - yet.

Garnet_Gem

One of my friends is £25000+ in debt and has many sleepless nights but if she gets the chance to get a new creidt card she takes it. I've had her in tears and have given (not lent because she couldn't afford to pay it back) £100 once when she was really desperate. A couple of weeks later she bought a bracelet - £80. I won't give her money again but I'm sure she can't help it. Spending's a real addiction in some people, just as bad as gambling or alcohol because it ruins their peace of mind.

wherediditallgo

Storm wrote: »

I think for many of us then we don't start to see debt as a problem until we start struggling to meet the minimum repayments - so even though your friend doesn't *like* being overdrawn, it's not a scary enough figure to make her want to give up other stuff she likes doing (nights out, weekend breaks, shopping etc)

I think you're right. Maybe if she owed several thousands she'd take it more seriously. Despite her moaning (it's almost every time I see her), it doesn't seem to impact on her lifestyle at all - I've known her a couple of years, & she goes/eats out, shops etc as much as she ever did: I don't go with her every time because I know I can't afford it. I've been off work sick for a few weeks following major surgery, & she's been round to see me a couple of times - every time she wants to bring wine, expensive puds etc & every time I have to put my foot down & insist that she doesn't. Apart from the fact that I can't drink/eat them anyway, she can't afford it & it's unnecessary. Another friend has started ignoring her texts, as she's been getting ones asking to borrow £10/20 at a time & she can't afford it.