Separation / divorce, low income, what to do?

carpool72

Hi,
I've had a browse through the threads, but I could still do with some advice. My husband and I have separated because he had an affair. He said today that if we're not getting back together (he wants to, I don't), we should just get a divorce and split everything 50:50. All very well in theory, but more difficult in practice...

We were together 15 years, married nearly 12 and have 2 children aged 10 & 7.
He has moved out and is renting. The children stay with him 2 nights a week.
The house is jointly owned, with both names on the mortgage. Worth about £140,000, mortgage about £26,000 which I'm now paying.
He and his brother are directors of a small building company, paying themselves the bare minimum as work is pretty slack just now. I'm self-employed but work very low hours and don't earn much - the idea was that I should be around for the children, and I do the books for the business as well.
Our other main asset is the car, which is paid for and we reckon worth about £8,000.

Since we separated I've been claiming JSA, and working on a business plan to develop my self-employed work into a business that will sustain me and my children. It will take some time, but it's doable and I'd be working from home so could be reasonably flexible with my hours to be available for my kids. However, if he wants to sell the house that changes things. He says he can't afford the rent where he is, so I'm now preparing for him to ask for his half of the equity. I would prefer to stay where I am, mainly to give the kids some stability but I'm guessing that would mean finding something like £60,000. I can't imagine I'd get a mortgage in my current situation.

So, what are my options? I think it'll be 2-3 years before I'm in the financial position to get a mortgage if I stay self-employed. If I got a part-time admin job I'd earn £7-8000 pa - would the financial security be worth the loss of flexibility? Is an occupation order a possibility, and what would that mean?

Sorry, it's a bit long! Any thoughts or ideas would be welcome.

Cinders:

Hiya, sorry to hear about your situation. I'm in a similar position to you, and my solicitor told me that as our children live with me, my ex-husband can't force a sale of the house until our youngest is 18. You should be able to stay in the house with the children, and in a couple of years time when you're financially in a better position, you could offer to buy him out

19lottie82

As you have 2 young children, his request to sell the house is selfish. He is obliged to help house them until they leave education. Where does he expect them to go?

Make sure he is aware that if he took this to court there is no way a judge would force you to sell until the kids reached that milestone.
You are also entitled to a minimum of 14.3% of him income as child support. (20% - 2/7 for the 2 nights they spend with him) Is he paying this at the moment?

RAS

carpool

You can download the divorce paperwork from the Govt web-site and pay the fees yourself and get a cheap divorce, which I recommend.

However you need a solicitor to deal with the financial settlement and clean break order; we have seen some absolute horror stories on here when people have done their own financial settlement. One woman had paid her husband to agree to her having the house but his name was still on the deeds and mortgage. Even more scary, it was a joint tenancy so he would inherit it if she died despite it being listed in her will to be shared by the children.

She paid for nothing in exchange for an agreement that she would not ask for maintenance and ignored a number of assets of the marriage to which she was entitled to a share!

So please please get yourself down to a lawyer pronto.

You probably need a mesher order which agrees to pay your ex a sum when the youngest leaves secondary education, with yourself getting 60-70 percent of the house value now.

You are also entitled to part of the value of the car and the business (which may be why ex has suddenly realsied which side his bread is buttered).

carpool72

Thanks everyone.
It sounds like what I was hoping for is pretty reasonable - ideally I'd like to sell the car and split the proceeds 50:50, but I'd like to stay in the house until the kids leave school, to give them some stabililty. I had been thinking that ideally I'd like to come to some agreement where we agree what proportion of the final sales value we'd each get, given that I'd be paying the mortgage for another 11 years or so (which will nearly pay it off). However we work it, I need to know that he can't come and go as he pleases...
It's been a horrible day. I don't like hurting him, and he was upset when he realised that a. we're not getting back together and b. he's skint and has pretty much lost everything. However, I also felt pretty aggrieved that however unhappy we were, I didn't have an affair yet I might have to uproot my children and move out of my home. :mad:
He's currently not paying any maintenance, and based on his payslips it would be about £20 pw.

Have spent this evening going through annual statements for mortgage, pension funds etc so will go see a solicitor now I have some decent financial info ...

Thanks again
Cx

Netwizard

carpool72 wrote: »

I don't like hurting him, and he was upset when he realised that a. we're not getting back together and b. he's skint and has pretty much lost everything.

I'd be telling him tough sxxt. He should have thought about that before shagging some other tart

Threebabes

When my sister took the mortgage over, halifax took her benefits (working tax credit) under consideration, she isnt on a high wage but managed to get a £95k mortgage.

Treevo

It's wrong for anyone to tell you that he wouldn't be able to force you to sell the house - he can. It may not be cheap but it may depend on the judge's feelings. Eleven years is a long time and I'd be surprised if a judge allowed the equity to sit doing nothing for that amount of time, especially when it is a reasonable low amount for you to remortgage with. One well-within the parameters of someone in employment.

You've got a very small mortgage so that's a bonus. I don't think you taking a part time job is unreasonable at all. Especially at the ages your children are at.

He probably won't get 50%. So you may be looking at buying him out with 'just' £40,000 and the car. I can't say that this is unreasonable. Can you?