How do you get your head in a no spend place?

CurlyTop

Beckstar

Don't be hard on yourself. In the main, folk on here just want to help. We've all beaten ourselves up about the pickle we've gotten ourselves into but you're learning from it. You could just as easily have buried your head in the sand. You didn't. Hats off to you.

Best of luck.

YORKSHIRELASS

Oh I dont know. I just think somehow I am programmed to be a spender, maybe thats rebellion against my childhood when we didnt have much or maybe its part of my personality. I like buying stuff, I want a shiny new car, I want to go on expensive holidays and I like new clothes. I have learnt over the last few years to do without these things but it doesnt mean I like the idea!

I find small treats regularly worked into the budget help me. Saving up slowly for an occasional bigger treat helps too. I am a bit of a spreadsheet addict now and what really gives me a buzz is seeing the debt total go down slowly.

But its still hard sometimes, especially when you feel like everyone else around you can afford to buy what they want. I just come on here and lurk about a bit when I feel down. There are so many stories of people who are having it really bad, like those who are struggling to feed their families that it puts it into perspective.

Good luck, if it helps you are not alone!

timetogrowup89

beckstar1975 wrote: »

like I said - a pity party!

Think I was about to start having one of these myself until I read this sentence, for some reason it cheered me up! The humour of a DFW is second to none! :P

krustylouise

CurlyTop wrote: »

Hi

I understand fully where you are coming from when you feel as though all you do is work, count pennies, batch cook, watch how you spend pennies etc. I'm on the home stretch of my dmp - will have 4 left after May. Its been a long 11 years.

I don't have children but spoil my nieces and nephews rotten - well I did do until the debt repayment kicked in. What I've learnt along the way is that kids don't always want for anything. Yeah they may moan, but you can distract them from that.

You say that 'I can't help be sad that the days of spending time together as a family will have passed, kids will be grown up and no amount of money would ever bring that time back. Please don't be hard on yourself. I was only talking to a lady in work about this today.

Growing up, we never had the gadgets of today, the phones, ipod this that and the other. There were 4 of us and only my dad worked. We had no car, never went on holiday as a family, never went to the cinema as a family, infact money was so tight, didn't do much going out as a family. What we did do was enjoy the garden and playing out in the road with our friends. Of an evening, we had film night (video and a packet of crisps and glass of lemo with the living room curtains shut); we had game night (my mum was into games big time); we'd have party tea night (usually on a Sunday just before bath time and bed). I never felt deprived as a child, just very loved.

My nephews are grown up now and do their own thing but when I do see them, we'll go for a pizza somewhere where there's an offer on.

My nieces - usually around payday every 3rd month, i'll take them to town and give them £10 to spend as they wish and we'll go to McD's (no amount of persuading will get me to get them in anywhere else!). Any other time, we have girly sessions whereby we'll pick a nice nail varnish and I'll set up a little manicure thing (picture a bowl, bubbles and water!). I give them a hand manicure and pedicure and then do their nails. They love it.

We also bake from scratch which I think is good as they now have an appreciation for real baking - besides which they also love the scrapes at the bottom of the bowl !

There are lots of things you can do and I'd say 'google it' and see. The Dogs Trust I think it is like volunteers to walk their dogs, could this be a possibility of an outdoor activity that they could do?

Just a thought but you know what, yeah the time may fly but later in life your kiddywinks will remember the time you spent together as a family, more than you give them credit for.

Best of luck. Keep working at it, together. x

Can I just thank you for your post? It actually made me well up thinking that in 15years time my, 5year old, DD will look back and be happy and content and feel very loved with her upbringing. Its so comforting to know that x

moohound

All those people around you who are buying stuff left right and centre, are probably racking up debts and trouble for the future.

JayneTay

CurlyTop wrote: »

Hi



Growing up, we never had the gadgets of today, the phones, ipod this that and the other. There were 4 of us and only my dad worked. We had no car, never went on holiday as a family, never went to the cinema as a family, infact money was so tight, didn't do much going out as a family. What we did do was enjoy the garden and playing out in the road with our friends. Of an evening, we had film night (video and a packet of crisps and glass of lemo with the living room curtains shut); we had game night (my mum was into games big time); we'd have party tea night (usually on a Sunday just before bath time and bed). I never felt deprived as a child, just very loved.

Oh really needed to read this today - thank you!!!!

Seen_the_light

Well maybe you can't change the situation, but you can choose to think differently about it. You could tell yourself that you want to do things this way (after all you could have chosen to bury your head in the sand and carry on building up debt) and that both you and your children are benefiting from not taking the easy parenting option, i.e. throwing money at activities and 'stuff'. You may have been forced down this route, but it doesn't mean other ways are any better, I'd argue the reverse.
I love curlytop's party tea! It's definitely how you sell it! Hats off to her mum. Bet her childhood memories wouldn't be half as great if she'd had a new toy every weekend and only got attention once a year on Holiday!

CurlyTop

KrustyLouise, JayneTay and Seen the Light

I've just logged on to see how this thread was progressing and read your posts.Thank you so much for your kind words. They mean a lot - so much so, you've got my crying you crazy bunch.

As I've said, its been a long 11 years and a sometime hard slog. My DMP was reduced as I had to drop my hours due to my health. My DH wanted to help me pay the debt off but I wouldn't let him because I incurred the debt before we got together and I'm quite independent that way. I've done this on my own (and still managed to pay my half of the bills). I'll admit I'm getting scared as I'm getting near the end now but I've decided that I'm going to have a splurge on my first non-dmp payday. After that I am looking to over pay on my mortgage. OMG, I think all this saving has unleashed a monster.

Seen the ligh - memories are all I have of my mum now as she died when I was 21. I'd been bringing up my brothers and sister since I was 15. I'd trade in the lotto for my chance to have my tea with my mum again.

When I'm talking to my nieces I tell them of the crazy things she had us doing - I remember her having a dance competition to Disco Inferno (Saturday Night Fever Soundtrack, to see who could last the longest. She won, I got a stitch!). As for the party tea, they comprised of paste/ pate and coleslaw sandwiches, some crackers and cheese, trifle or jelly, mr kipling french fancies, club biscuits (which back in the 70s were a luxury and not as cheap as they are today - if you wanted a biscuit through the week, there was a biscuit barrel with custard cream, rich tea, digestives or bourbon creams to choose from!). It wasn't an expensive thing, I know that now, but not when I was a kid. To me it was high tea and signalled the end of the weekend just before bath time!!! The simple life.

Way to go. Here's to family life. Thanks to you all xxx

dktreesea

beckstar1975 wrote: »

.......
What I am struggling with, however, is just feeling deprived all the time. How do you get your head in the place that not spending/going out for birthday meals/buying all your clothes second hand etc is a good thing, rather than be depressed that you can't afford it?
.....

You can go some way to solving that feeling by paying yourself first. Even if it is just £20 a week, set up a direct debit from wherever your salary goes into and pay yourself, every week, into another savings account. Only use that money for you. In the depths of the recession, I was down to paying only £10 a month into my "pay for me" account, but I never stopped paying it. Not once. Not even when bills were overdue.

What kind of things do you miss doing? A few years ago, when money was way tighter than it is now, we all had UGC/Cineworld unlimited cinema cards. It was great. We took sweets/drinks in with us, so supermarket prices, and would all go around 2 to 3 times a week. I did from time to time look longingly at the ten pin bowling, just along from the cinema complex, but that Cineworld card helped keep me sane.