How do you get your head in a no spend place?

beckstar1975

Hello

We've been on a DMP for about 2 years, have many more to go - but are really struggling. We have a relatively high income, but are also paying back about £500 a month which will shortly double, so still don't have much money left over - which is as it should be.

What I am struggling with, however, is just feeling deprived all the time. How do you get your head in the place that not spending/going out for birthday meals/buying all your clothes second hand etc is a good thing, rather than be depressed that you can't afford it?

Sorry if it sounds like I am whingeing, I am, but it is just getting me down that we are continually having to say to the kids no to things as we can't afford them when all around us are having 3 weeks family holidays to NZ/Egypt and we have 4 nights in a relatives studio flat to look forward to?

Kick me up the derriere and share your positive strategies please

matttye

Just think about what you'll be able to do when you're debt free

I'm in a similar situation but not paying off debt, just saving every penny for a mortgage deposit. I can go months and only buy the bare essentials for myself.. haircuts, toiletries, etc.

Don't buy clothes as I'm losing weight and it'd be a waste of money ATM.

purple45

I think you can end up getting just as much of a buzz out of saving money as you did spending it! Each money saving is like a small victory that adds up.
Things that make me happy; taking a picnic/flasks out for the day and not spending anything on eating/drinking out, all day walks in beautiful places that don't cost anything and avoid the crowds that you'd get in places you pay to get in, finding a bargain lovely outfit in the charity shop, finding somewhere to park for free just a little further out of town and avoiding car park charges and burning off a few more calories too etc etc
If you think how hard you've had to work to earn that money in the first place and that saving it is so much easier than earning more...
As for saying no to the kids, its a good lesson for them too to learn early on that they can't have everything handed to them on a plate and its just not that easy.

It is hard to adjust, but if you can try to change the way you look at things you'll find you can still be happy.

matttye

purple45 wrote: »

I think you can end up getting just as much of a buzz out of saving money as you did spending it! Each money saving is like a small victory that adds up.

Completely agree with this, I know I don't have much saved so far but this is only the second time in my life I've had this much in my account, it's a good feeling

rebeccatom

Kids can be great at money saving! depending on their ages, I recommend bringing them in on the situation and getting them to think of or find free things to do. Or ways to make the pennies last longer.
one of my friends takes the kids to a near by woods and they build a den, play games and have a picnic most weekends. The kids love it and they are having a good fun, healthy and very cheap day out.

beckstar1975

Thanks for your replies. We already have national trust membership and do go most weekends, and I always take a picnic - but I'm getting to the stage I think I may scream if I have to make any more picnics. They always moan too, although are happy enough when we get there.

I think it's more I am tired, I work, and when I'm not working I'm cooking/preparing food/fixing things/food shopping etc as we have to do it ourselves and shop around - it's just the fact that we work hard to earn our money and then dont' see any of it!

I know the debt it our own fault (I worked out that it covers - pretty much to the penny - the cost of childcare due to working, not sure that going back to work was the smart option!) and that it will be great to be free of it, but I can't help be sad that the days of spending time together as a family will have passed, kids wil be grown up and no amount of money would ever bring that time back

like I said - a pity party!

foxgloves

I once wrote a list of the things I most enjoy doing, & was iniitally surprised that none of them actually involved spending any money. I think when it's a case of long haul debt-busting, that it can seem that everyone else around you is still spending lots of money, but this could be an illusion. We are in the worst economic recession since the 1930s & only the wealthiest strata of society won't have been touched by it in some way. It may be that several of the people you see having lots of foriegn holidays are paying for them on credit. if so, we all know that eventually it'll be payback time. I remember feeling a pang of envy when someone I know turned up in a car I'd always aspired to own, but you know what? I know there's absolutely no way that car was bought outright. It will be on credit & I would also make what I think is a fairly accurate guess that the loan will also have included other bits of credit consolidated from past car loans. It's none of my business what people spend their money on, of course, but the fact that we're now debt free after so many years of living beyond our means & never bothering to budget, now means more to me than expensive holidays & being a 2-car household. Even though the debt is paid off, I won't go back to how I used to be. So, yes, I also make picnics most of the time when we're going out for the day. I quite enjoy thinking of new things to pack, but on the occasions when I think 'Oh another picnic to pack....sighs....', I soon turn this around when I see the price that cafes/restaurants are charging for a simple cheese sandwich, ham roll or very ordinary muffin or scone! So, keep up the good work.......it's such a good feeling when the debts are finally gone......but just keep in your mind next time you hear that someone's off on some or other fab sounding holiday, that some or all of it may just have gone straight on the plastic, & we know what that means!

jessie4109

Have you looked at any of the discount websites such as groupon to see if there are any days out or meals out that you could buy cheaper and use it eg for a birthday day or meal out.

quantic

I think its just one of those things that takes time really, once you start to see the benefit of it taking effect it cements your ability to keep at it. To be honest, debt or no debt - its a good way to be. I think people focus far too much on just constant consumerism.

In a way, I'm pretty glad that I was in a bit of debt because it taught me to be disciplined and give me the ability to really control my spending. I think it makes you a stronger person, once you get your bank account in order more positive things follow, you suddenly don't feel as much like your a slave to payday and can take advantage of situations when they present themselves.

My advice would be to just stick at it, its one of those things that just snaps into place eventually and you wonder why you even spent as much to begin with.

CurlyTop

Hi

I understand fully where you are coming from when you feel as though all you do is work, count pennies, batch cook, watch how you spend pennies etc. I'm on the home stretch of my dmp - will have 4 left after May. Its been a long 11 years.

I don't have children but spoil my nieces and nephews rotten - well I did do until the debt repayment kicked in. What I've learnt along the way is that kids don't always want for anything. Yeah they may moan, but you can distract them from that.

You say that 'I can't help be sad that the days of spending time together as a family will have passed, kids will be grown up and no amount of money would ever bring that time back. Please don't be hard on yourself. I was only talking to a lady in work about this today.

Growing up, we never had the gadgets of today, the phones, ipod this that and the other. There were 4 of us and only my dad worked. We had no car, never went on holiday as a family, never went to the cinema as a family, infact money was so tight, didn't do much going out as a family. What we did do was enjoy the garden and playing out in the road with our friends. Of an evening, we had film night (video and a packet of crisps and glass of lemo with the living room curtains shut); we had game night (my mum was into games big time); we'd have party tea night (usually on a Sunday just before bath time and bed). I never felt deprived as a child, just very loved.

My nephews are grown up now and do their own thing but when I do see them, we'll go for a pizza somewhere where there's an offer on.

My nieces - usually around payday every 3rd month, i'll take them to town and give them £10 to spend as they wish and we'll go to McD's (no amount of persuading will get me to get them in anywhere else!). Any other time, we have girly sessions whereby we'll pick a nice nail varnish and I'll set up a little manicure thing (picture a bowl, bubbles and water!). I give them a hand manicure and pedicure and then do their nails. They love it.

We also bake from scratch which I think is good as they now have an appreciation for real baking - besides which they also love the scrapes at the bottom of the bowl !

There are lots of things you can do and I'd say 'google it' and see. The Dogs Trust I think it is like volunteers to walk their dogs, could this be a possibility of an outdoor activity that they could do?

Just a thought but you know what, yeah the time may fly but later in life your kiddywinks will remember the time you spent together as a family, more than you give them credit for.

Best of luck. Keep working at it, together. x

beckstar1975

Ooh - I love the party tea idea and am sure the kids would too.

Thank you so much - you have been really kind too - I fully expected to receive a sharp talking to (which I do deserve - we are lucky that we both work and have children) and you have been really lovely with me :beer: