what shall i do about our debt!!! grrrrr!!!

sugarplum10

moohound wrote: »

I am a nurse too, but I trained 25 years ago, gawd that makes me feel old;)

How long have you got before you qualify?

im just finishing my first year, im in child branch.

suburbanwifey

sugarplum10 wrote: »

any talk about money ends up in arguing. I have sold lots on ebay recently and took all my DVD's to cex. He wont part with anything that is 'his'. I love him to death but Im at that point where all i wonna do is punch him in the face!!:rotfl::rotfl:
I just want the debt gone!

My worry is that you are doing 'everything' and he is doing nothing. I know looking after kids is something but why isn't he selling the items on eBay (listing, packing, dispatching) rather than you? you are working, studying, handling the finances etc. You do enough. In my thoughts hubby as the househusband should take on the role a housewife would take - childcare, shopping, financial management, eBay listing etc.

I look after all the money in my family (me and OH and 3 cats) and I even give myself an 'allowance' as that allows me the money I want to blow on whatever I want without it impacting on our family finances. His allowance should be used for the things you have mentioned and if he spends it unwisely, he runs out of cash etc. tough luck tell him. You blew it on the wrong things, your fault, you now do without etc. You need to toughen up a bit and lay down ground rules for the sake of your money and future. A househusband that doesn't do his job properly (and it is a job) is as useless as a housewife would be who spent the family budget on bingo or going out with the girls etc.

I really feel for you. May I ask how you ran up 23K of debt in the first place? that is a substantial amount and you seem way too smart to do something like that, was it his doing mainly? or job loss or something...

killerpeaty

You definitely sound like a super woman.

You say you have a student bursary, I'm not overly familiar with nursing education so I'm not sure if there are any additional rules. But, every uni will have an Access to Learning fund, most students will have access to it in their third year (it is assumed you cannot work), if you have dependants (check), if you have large debts (check) and if you are disabled. I assume that your bursary has come from Student finance, you need to be assessed by student finance in order to get access to the fund. It might be worth asking your staff mentor where you can find this fund, there was a full department dedicated to it at my old uni.

I hope the situation will get better soon!

sugarplum10

suburbanwifey wrote: »

My worry is that you are doing 'everything' and he is doing nothing. I know looking after kids is something but why isn't he selling the items on eBay (listing, packing, dispatching) rather than you? you are working, studying, handling the finances etc. You do enough. In my thoughts hubby as the househusband should take on the role a housewife would take - childcare, shopping, financial management, eBay listing etc.

I look after all the money in my family (me and OH and 3 cats) and I even give myself an 'allowance' as that allows me the money I want to blow on whatever I want without it impacting on our family finances. His allowance should be used for the things you have mentioned and if he spends it unwisely, he runs out of cash etc. tough luck tell him. You blew it on the wrong things, your fault, you now do without etc. You need to toughen up a bit and lay down ground rules for the sake of your money and future. A househusband that doesn't do his job properly (and it is a job) is as useless as a housewife would be who spent the family budget on bingo or going out with the girls etc.

I really feel for you. May I ask how you ran up 23K of debt in the first place? that is a substantial amount and you seem way too smart to do something like that, was it his doing mainly? or job loss or something...

most of this is from his past relationship with ex wife, credit cards, loans etc, some of it is mine where i lost my job about 4 years ago and lived of credit cards/ overdraft and had a few payday loans (thankfully ive cleared wonga etc). the rest is a joint loan, ive just called cap and our debt currently stands at £20, 321 so a bit better than i thought.
most of the debt is his though and if we are ever going to bhe able to buy a house/ decent car etc we need it to be cleared as soon as possible, he wants to go bankrupt but i dont want to do this.

suburbanwifey

sugarplum10 wrote: »

most of this is from his past relationship with ex wife, credit cards, loans etc, some of it is mine where i lost my job about 4 years ago and lived of credit cards/ overdraft and had a few payday loans (thankfully ive cleared wonga etc). the rest is a joint loan, ive just called cap and our debt currently stands at £20, 321 so a bit better than i thought.
most of the debt is his though and if we are ever going to bhe able to buy a house/ decent car etc we need it to be cleared as soon as possible, he wants to go bankrupt but i dont want to do this.

I agree with your decision to not go for bankruptcy, that will scupper your dream of owning your own home one day. Your debt has reduced (well done) and at around 20K it is more than possible to clear and rebuild your lives. It will be a few years before you are in a position to do that as another poster has pointed out but with your earning potential once you qualify, reigning in the husband and good financial planning from now on, its more than doable. Good Luck, I'll be watching your journey, you deserve to succeed, let no one stop you, not even hubby x

Miss_Poohs

Being married doesn't automatically link your finances, only - well, joint finances do that.
My husbands credit history is utterly trashed but as we have no joint finances it doesn't affect me.
This is going to sound harsh, but I'd be inclined to pay my own debts and leave him be a few months and let him suffer the consequences - give him a taste of reality.
He's leading a charmed existence just now and if you keep bailing out he'll never learn.
I love and support my own husband and help him all I can to deal with his debt but I won't pay it for him.
Good luck

quailpower

I have nothing helpful here, but I just want OP to know - she is not alone!!

I swear to god I thought I had wrote this!!! WORD FOR WORD!

I love my OH dearly and he is the kindest, witty, compassionate man ever and would move heaven and earth for me. But give the man a pound and his brain turns to pudding.

I have tried taking his bank cards away, giving allowances, budgeting, explaining budgets all to no avail. He seems to take it all in and then goes and buys himself something with his weekly dinner money then starves all week.

The instant gratification seems to override all aspects of logical brain.

It drives me absolutely insane. LOL