what shall i do about our debt!!! grrrrr!!!

sugarplum10

I have posted this in relationships board but it is a little irrelevant on there as its DFW stuff!
DH and I have some debts to pay off (mostly from DH previous marriage) I pay £360 a month from my student bursary to these debts on a Debt management plan with CAP! I budget each week and write meal plans, but when i get home DH has eaten stuff for other meals and we have run out of bread and milk.There is £23,000 of debt all together!!
He has an allowance in the week for sundries and extra milk/bread/a coffee with friends/ toddler group but he keeps spending this on crap like a new phone cover and a key fob!!! Then moans he has no money to buy stuff and do stuff with the babies. Im getting so annoyed and im being so frugal and he is undoing what i am working hard for. He also gets money to play for 2 separate football teams which is £26 per month. I however do nothing extra curricular. Im so fuming and i feel like saying fook it and just paying off my debt and leaving his to spiral after all is his life but, my credit will be trashed too as we are linked in marriage and i could never get a mortgage on my own.
He just does not care that this affects us all as a family, he just sees it as meaningless spending that does not hurt anyone, I have had my lightblub moment and want to make mine and the families life better.
Im so sad and I just wonna cry so much because i have worked really hard to be paying my debt off while he does not care!
grrrr
ive ranted all that out now i feel a little better.

Trajal

I have nothing to say really, he needs to grow up a bit.

*sends virtual hug*

moohound

Is he a student as well or does he work /househusband?

sugarplum10

househusband as we have 5 kids and another due in august. im not taking any mat leave and im due to go back to work/uni in sept!

moohound

Do you own your home? Are you claiming all benefits you are entitled to?

It sounds like you have 6 kids already, one being big and daft.

You work, study, pay you own debts, pay his debts, budget, meal plan etc.

He looks after the kids, which can be tough I admit, but he needs to take some responsibility.

Is it you with Christians against poverty or him or joint?

missindecisive

I bet he knows well the situation you are both in but his burying his head in the sand.

humphrd

Sugarplum10 - looks like you have lots to cope with and its great that you are taking responsibility for your debts. Have you and your other half had a chance to have a proper conversation lately - does he realise how you feel in relation to his actions or does it normally just descend into an argument ?

You may beneft from some sort of couples counselling as it is clear that you are committed to each other (well with 5 kids I am making that assumption !) but sometimes it is difficult to really communicate with someone who means a lot to you !

InsertWittyName

humphrd wrote: »

Sugarplum10 - looks like you have lots to cope with and its great that you are taking responsibility for your debts. Have you and your other half had a chance to have a proper conversation lately - does he realise how you feel in relation to his actions or does it normally just descend into an argument ?

This.

I sat down with my missus when I'd decided that I wanted to really focus and clear our debts ASAP.

Similar situation to you, but reversed roles and only two kids

When I showed her how much we would have extra per month if we weren't making debt payments she completely understood. My worry was that as a single-earning family, with a lot of debt, if I were to ever lose my job we would be ruined.

We both sat down and went through the budget and agreed on her monthly 'allowance' as you put it, again to cover similar items as you have listed.

She's stuck to it ever since and even since we were officially debt free over 6 months ago!

During the 18 months we were clearing the debts she even did survey's etc. to earn a few vouchers for presents or things she wanted.

Hope this helps - good luck!

sugarplum10

humphrd wrote: »

Sugarplum10 - looks like you have lots to cope with and its great that you are taking responsibility for your debts. Have you and your other half had a chance to have a proper conversation lately - does he realise how you feel in relation to his actions or does it normally just descend into an argument ?

You may beneft from some sort of couples counselling as it is clear that you are committed to each other (well with 5 kids I am making that assumption !) but sometimes it is difficult to really communicate with someone who means a lot to you !

any talk about money ends up in arguing. I have sold lots on ebay recently and took all my DVD's to cex. He wont part with anything that is 'his'. I love him to death but Im at that point where all i wonna do is punch him in the face!!:rotfl::rotfl:
I just want the debt gone!

sugarplum10

moohound wrote: »

Do you own your home? Are you claiming all benefits you are entitled to?

It sounds like you have 6 kids already, one being big and daft.

You work, study, pay you own debts, pay his debts, budget, meal plan etc.

He looks after the kids, which can be tough I admit, but he needs to take some responsibility.

Is it you with Christians against poverty or him or joint?

we have both got a joint plan with CAP but i make the payment as i am the one earning money.
we rent our home and we get what we are entitled to in terms of tax credits and child benefit, we also get a hb top up on our rent ( we only have a small 3 bed) but when i qualify (im studying nursing) i will be able to secure a job with far better pay etc and could drop to pt and still be on a good salary. Ideally i want to go p/t so he can be full time but i fear he will not do this!!!

moohound

I am a nurse too, but I trained 25 years ago, gawd that makes me feel old;)

How long have you got before you qualify?