Coping with hospital visiting and POA?

Arthurian

http://www.stroke.org.uk/support/search might help the OP.

(insured, don't feel bad - IMHO, hospitals sometimes phone relatives to say 'He's taken a turn for the worse' in order to gently prepare them for the patient's death, which they have recently discovered.)

7_week_wonder

Thanks everyone for your support and suggestions. It feels better just being able to write things down and share them.

OH and I have had a chat and we are definitely going to try taking turns visiting maybe only doing a joint visit at the weekend. We already skip Sundays as that seems to be the day that other people visit her, and I do love the idea of a doodle poll!

Can I pick your brains even more and ask for hints and tips about how to manage using a POA. At the moment we are writing down all expenditure (only small things so far, such as toiletries, birthday cards etc). We've registered the POA with her main bank and today I found out the hard way that I need to allow plenty of extra time whenever I want to carry out transactions with banks on her behalf. And it looks I should make sure I always have at least 2 forms of ID on me whenever I do anything on her behalf. But are there any other things I should think of/ be aware of.

I hope nobody minds me asking all these questions - it's just not anything we've have experience of before, and we really want to do the best for her. Thanks

PasturesNew

7_week_wonder wrote: »

....today I found out the hard way that I need to allow plenty of extra time whenever I want to carry out transactions with banks on her behalf. And it looks I should make sure I always have at least 2 forms of ID on me whenever I do anything on her behalf. But are there any other things I should think of/ be aware of.

Banks and POAs are a nightmare - there's been a lot of complaints about it - the POA court-signed document should be enough for you to breeze in and act as if you were the person.... but they all invented their own hoops for you to jump through.... and it takes time and is a right nuisance. People only find this out when they try to use the POA and by then you're bl00dy busy!!!

As a POA, see if the bank issue you your own cheque book/card. I registered a POA and had been using the original card as I'd been told the PIN...... now I have my own cheque book that says "POA" on it and my own card, so the bank can tell when I've spent money on the POA card.

PasturesNew

One thing you do need to think about is: do you really think she will be going home, to live alone, after this? Or is it care home time?

Then: will she be paying for this herself/does she have choices, or, is it a social services choice? Either way, find out about care homes in your area, start looking at them/choosing one.... just so you're not left scrapping around with 1-2 days' notice when they hit you with it.

Savvy_Sue

Another route to visitors, if she attended her local church then it's definitely worth letting the minister know that she's in hospital, and asking if she'd like the hospital chaplaincy to know she's there.

Local church might be a source of support for you as well, even if she was attending and you weren't ...

monkeyspanner

Is the POA an old style Enduring POA or new style Lasting POA?

"PasturesNew" raised a good point about discharge. You should set some time aside to look at the funding issues if you think home or residential care will be needed. Also make sure the discharge team carry out a Continuing Healthcare checklist and care needs assessment prior to discharge and attend if possible or at least make sure you review the findings. Don't let the social services bully you into a rushed discharge to any care home if that is the option being discussed. A good source of information is here www.counselandcare.org.uk

Dealing with the banks will probably be a problem with POA. It may be worth considering which banks are easiest to deal with and moving assets to those banks. Try to find someone in the bank who actually understands what a POA means and appreciates that you have the power to act on their customers behalf. You may need to be assertive.

Mojisola

monkeyspanner wrote: »

Dealing with the banks will probably be a problem with POA. It may be worth considering which banks are easiest to deal with and moving assets to those banks. Try to find someone in the bank who actually understands what a POA means and appreciates that you have the power to act on their customers behalf. You may need to be assertive.

I don't know if the banks vary from branch to branch but Barclays dealt with me registering the POA for my Dad very quickly and easily.

Savvy_Sue

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

Local church might be a source of support for you as well, even if she was attending and you weren't ...

Oh, and vice versa: if you attend and she didn't, people may still be supportive, friendly, willing to visit and help out etc. Definitely worth asking - also if she belonged to any social clubs or anything like that!

7_week_wonder

Hello everyone,

Thanks so much for all the suggestions and comments.

I am delighted to report that Elderly Relative has been coming on leaps and bounds (almost literally!) and so is going home on Friday. It sounds like she will have a very comprehensive care package (initially at least) and she is determined to live as independent a life as possible. She made it very clear to the folk doing her home assessment that she did not want us to have to be responsible for her (of course we will look after her and help out - but we all wanted her to get as full a care package as possible).

On her home visit she managed to use her computer and check her email which is great as she has always used that as a means of keeping in touch with people so that should help prevent her feeling isolated.

As for the POA - I've found it varies enormously not only from bank to bank, but also branch to branch. The branch where we went and registered is fantastic and always helpful. Other branches are a bit hit and miss: depending on who you get. We will carry on learning - and slowly get there.

Thanks again for the support and suggestions.

margaretclare

Well done to you. I watched 'Emergency Bikers' last evening and there was a guy on there (younger than DH and me!!) who had a multiple of physical problems but was determined to get on with life and be as independent as possible. Great that your relative is computer-savvy. It really can be a 'window on the world', better than TV for keeping in touch. Watching TV is just too passive and too mindless. DH has sometimes helped set up someone on computer - a 90-year old lady we knew was enabled to speak to relatives on skype and DH, being forewarned, had a box of tissues at the ready.