care of a child

coolcats

Bit of back ground,

Mum has 2 kids from previous relationship, dad not involved and has no family local, family that are around are elderly and 8 hours away. Goes on to have a baby (4) relationship doesnt work out, but Dad very invovled. Other support is by friends who have limited time and own busy lives with family. Has no transport. Older children struggling as never get mum's time as all taken by 4 year old.

Dad only has child as above, one family member local who has busy life but is invovled when possible. Has own car, no job on job seekers for past 4 years.

Child lives with mum, mum gets benefits etc accordingly. Sees Dad 3 days a week, which dad struggles with and refuses any extra including odd extra night. Child has illness means he has to go to hospital regular, in the past year 6 or 7 times over night and a few longer visits, weeks. Up to know has been a mix of Mum getting friend to look after older kids so she can go to hospital and no child care at all at times. Dad has done hospital as required but complained about hospital bed and lack of sleep.

All now come to a head, mum struggles to get childcare after school times and night time. Dad is struggling to give time as job centre requirements and being at hospital as not available, some hospital is local childrens (3 hours by car) and some local (45 minutes by car). Dad know wants child benefit etc to be signed over as finacially better off and take away job centre pressure. But mum doesn't think Dad will still cope as he struggles now. She will does less hours and dad will have to do more, so the other children can have her time.

Social services slowly getting involved. What help options are there for all? And is it best for child to be signed over to Dad or is there any other options with Job centre? Anything else been missed that is possible?

fluffnutter

Dad's already struggling with three days a week but has now decided he wants the child 'signed over' so that he's financially better off and the job centre leave him alone.

Jeez, what a wonderful reason... Poor kid. Sounds like a good thing that SS are getting involved, quite frankly.

coolcats

Totally agree Dad is doing it for the wrong reasons, problem is current situation isn't working either as mum has to rely on dad to take him to hospital as she struggles to get him there, 2 bus rides, takes an hour and half, £25 by taxi (done 2 years ago) and has the older ones to take with her or struggle to find child care.

An example is he's been in and out of hospital this weekend after being in the local childrens hospital for 6 weeks. For regular injections on sunday, as community nurse wanted him checked as not right (sleeping all day and all night, and screaming in between) mum has asked for him to go back in today as not right still, and thinks he should of never come home from hospital on friday as the state he's in.

Mum just wants the best for all 3 children, but can't do it without help, which there currently isn't, dad has nothing to do with other children, nor does his family. Social service so far have said ask friends to help, which has happened constantly over last few years and the help is running out, everyone has own issues and can't do it any more.

Toto

A child should never be sent to live somewhere for the wrong reasons.

I think mum needs to speak to her social worker and explain her difficulties. Social services have no interest in removing children unless there is a neglect/abuse issue, so she should never be worried about asking for help. There are ways they can help her as the child in question has additional health needs.

Dad needs to step up and help, no excuses and if he does take the child he should be very clear that his reasons for doing so are in the best interest of the child and not because it earns him a few quid and gets the job centre off his back.

Ames

I agree with Toto - push social services to help. It's what they're there for! By telling her to rely on friends they're failing in their duty. Which seems to be a common theme for this poor boy.

kingfisherblue

coolcats wrote: »

Bit of back ground,

Mum has 2 kids from previous relationship, dad not involved and has no family local, family that are around are elderly and 8 hours away. Goes on to have a baby (4) relationship doesnt work out, but Dad very invovled. Other support is by friends who have limited time and own busy lives with family. Has no transport. Older children struggling as never get mum's time as all taken by 4 year old.

Dad only has child as above, one family member local who has busy life but is invovled when possible. Has own car, no job on job seekers for past 4 years.

Child lives with mum, mum gets benefits etc accordingly. Sees Dad 3 days a week, which dad struggles with and refuses any extra including odd extra night. Child has illness means he has to go to hospital regular, in the past year 6 or 7 times over night and a few longer visits, weeks. Up to know has been a mix of Mum getting friend to look after older kids so she can go to hospital and no child care at all at times. Dad has done hospital as required but complained about hospital bed and lack of sleep.

All now come to a head, mum struggles to get childcare after school times and night time. Dad is struggling to give time as job centre requirements and being at hospital as not available, some hospital is local childrens (3 hours by car) and some local (45 minutes by car). Dad know wants child benefit etc to be signed over as finacially better off and take away job centre pressure. But mum doesn't think Dad will still cope as he struggles now. She will does less hours and dad will have to do more, so the other children can have her time.

Social services slowly getting involved. What help options are there for all? And is it best for child to be signed over to Dad or is there any other options with Job centre? Anything else been missed that is possible?

Mum can request a carer's assessment from Social Services. whilst this doesn't guarantee any additional help, it shows what help is needed, and with a good social worker, sometimes that help is put into place.

For hospital stays, mum may be able to stay at Ronald MacDonald House or similar hospital accommodation - and her children can stay too. Several of the larger children's hospitals have a house for families. RMH don't charge, although obviously dontations are welcome. I've stayed in the RMH at Alder Hey twice, both times several years ago. I was lucky enough to have family to help with my older child, but there were families whose other children were temporarily enrolled in local schools. I know that isn't ideal, but it might be an option for longer stays.

If the sick child has care needs and meets the criteria, mum may be able to claim DLA to help pay for the additional costs of disability and sickness. As she claims benefits, she would need to tell the DWP, but some benefits will increase (child tax credit, for example). She may also be able to claim Carer's Allowance, which gives an underlying entitlement to income support. A carer's premium is added to IS, but then it is reduced by the total amount of CA - overall I think you are about £30 a week better off.

Transport - as she is on benefits, she may be able to get help with the costs of getting to and from hospital. I'm on IS (as a carer), and I don't claim when going to the local hospital as it is only ten minutes away, with free parking. For Alder Hey, though, I take proof of benefits and receive £4.10 petrol allowance, plus free parking (normally £2). Costs are usually paid for private car or public transport, but taxis can be used if pre-arranged with the hospital (for example, if public transport means several changes, or following an operation).

The hospital may be able to give information about volunteer drivers, especially for the local hospital. They may also be able to offer other alternatives such as a hospital bus. In my area, two hospitals are linked and a free shuttle service operates between the two. So if you live near one, but your appointment is at the other, you just need to hop on the shuttle.

I really don't think that dad should get the benefits for the youngest child - after all, if he does, he has no need to work if he is classed as the child's carer (see above regarding possible benefits for a sick or disabled child). Yet mum is the one with the caring responsibilities. Once the youngest reaches five years old, she is likely to be transferred to JSA unless she is in receipt of CA - and as the youngest is already four, that date won't be too far ahead. It would be much more stressful for mum to have to either transfer to JSA and fulfill the conditions when still caring for a sick child, or for her to begin the fight to have the benefits transferred back to herself from dad.

For the older children, it might be worth checking to see if there is a Young Carer's group in the area. My youngest has come on leaps and bounds since joining his group. Apart from emotional support, he attends a group every fortnight just to have fun with other kids in his situation. He has just received a £200 grant towards leisure activities for himself - he chose to put it towards a remote control helicopter, as this is his passion, and his main activity away from his brother and his needs.

Mum might also want to see if there is a carer's centre in the area for herself. There is a lot of help available, from benefits checks to filling in forms, counselling, emotional support, and parent carer support groups. Where I live, both the adult carer's and YC centres are free. Again, they may be able to offer practical advice regarding childcare, finances, etc.

Good luck x

coolcats

Mum has a meeting with a community care worker (as near as social service are touching it) and is hoping they will offer more but has taken over a year to get this far. Mum is doing all she can, but can't be in 2 places at the same time. Dad only has the son to think of and is very involved but mentions money at every meeting. Mum isn't bothered by the money, just what is best for all the kids. One daughter is being tested for same as son and treatment is likely to invovle many hospital visits, already a struggle to get childcare for son when daughter had to stay in hospial 2 nights (did have him but wasn't his nights) other daughter stayed with friend , they can cope with one but not two extra children have 4 of there own.

kingfisherblue

Mum may not be bothered about money, but having a child who needs a lot of hospital appointments can be expensive, so she needs to be aware of things like DLA, CA, and where she would stand if dad had the benefits for the son. As you say, she can't be in two places at once, so how could she be caring for a sick child as well as carrying out any actions necessary for JSA (such as attending a training course)?

Also, as you have now mentioned a condition, although not by name, mum may want to see if there is an associated support group. They are usually very helpful, and if they can't help with something, they can signpost parenbts to the right place for help. My son was born with Down's Syndrome and several rare digestive conditions that required surgery at birth, and just being able to ring the support group (TOFS, in my case), was really helpful. They were able to give information, offer practical advice, and give emotional support.

meritaten

Isnt this why there is a Childrens minister? the rights of the child are being ignored here. I would ask for, or rather demand, a change of Social Worker - this one isn't doing their job! time to rattle a few cages I think - perhaps get local MP involved? This poor woman needs help to keep her family together and SS are not doing their job!

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Splitting up a family of mum and three siblings, just as one is ill, is cruel to all of them. Well, except the bio father, who then gets child tax credit, child benefit, qualifies for a higher rate of LHA, etc, even before premiums for having a sick child kick in. So he'd be doing OK.

coolcats

Thanks kingfisherblue all much good help, most has been covered. As support groups go there is one thats just started up not directly for condition, which is a rare form of Epilepsy, not many cases at all and very little known. Although he has fits there is learning issues. He is like a 1 year old in behaviour and speech. There is very little treatment available and the life out come is mixed could out grow by 15 or could have issues as an adult. There is very little support groups in the area, the ones there are are mostly an hour bus ride away.

Dad has said he will not take him to hospital appiontments now on as has to be available for work at al times. Next appiontment is on a day he has him but won't take him as he's not available for work (wants to have him as his day to though) mum has childcare 7.30 till 5.30 available but hospital is 4 to 5 hours away by public transport appiontment at 1pm and will be there for a few hours. No one can have the kids after 5.30 so only option mum has is to take them as well. This is ok but these appionments are regular and have to be done at childrens hospital not local one.

The DLA is used to improve the children's lives, not to pay bills, which is the dads reasoning. If there was No Dla she would still do what she could to improve lives but it wouldn't be paid options. Mum currently is on income support, but looking for work, hard to fit in with hours she could do. Mum would come of income support and go on job seakers and still look for work, but would have more time available to work, would also take anything as long as hours fitted in when there was childcare. Dad can be available any time for work that he wants as mum is happy to swop days as needed.