Hubby not supporting me in money saving

marvalous

i feel so depressed. My oh, stepson and i are due to go on holiday next week. I have a couple of setbacks in the last couple of months and the money we had put aside for spending on holiday is not really there. I have put a number of things on ebay and got some money but got up this morning to put some more. I asked him fo the camera so i could take the pictures and cant' remember all what was said but basically i was telling him that I need to get some stuff listed so we can get some money for the holiday. I told him how i ended up selling the only decent pair of jewellery i had and my wedding dress just to get some cash but didn't get very much for it. His response was if he paid X for something, he would never sell it for Y because he would be makiing a loss. I responded that may be all well and good but if it at least gets me Y, then at least I still get something.
I also said i have been selling off all my stuff, I never see you putting anything on ebay. Up to now, you haven't even discussed with me how much money we have to take on holiday. To which he responded, i thought we were using our cashcard!

Now does that make any blooming sense! So i just got upset.

A while after that, he comes back cap in hand so i tell him it is not fair I should be whittering away all my stuff . I asked him what he was doing on the computer yesterday. He said you know what I was doing so don't ask me.

Well he was looking at car parts on ebay! I am selling all my little bits and piece and he is looking for stuff to buy!

we also have a stepson whose mother does not provide any support and I am busting my a** to get stuff for him and they just all don't get it.

I am the main breadwinner in the house and i always have the least left for me. I try to cook OS never buy myself anything, always do without .

I also want to go part time so i can't start my own family and do my own business

i can't keep this up.

i jsut need some help from you guys

paddy's_mum

marvalous - there comes a point where you have to say, quite simply, enough is enough!

I have had some experience with this in my own life and it got to the point where I stopped trying so hard, started putting a little bit of money in a private account, and let 'the others' sort their finances out without my total input.

You perhaps need to take a little more control of the money you earn and stop giving your all and your every last penny, when others seem to be making far less effort. It is perhaps close to normal that other family members lean on the one with the most capability. For example, I can spell just about anything but don't ask me to work out square yardage of carpet - that's what my hubby is good at, so he does the maths and I write the letters.

However, if you are feeling an increasing level of resentment, that is not good, either for you or for your relationship. If you can, try to step back a little and let other members of the family come to realise that you are a person in your own right, not just her indoors or mum.

Perhaps wait until your other half is in a good frame of mind and then tell him, calmly and reasonably, how put upon you are feeling. Mules or oxen pulling together can move mountains. Pulling in totally different directions achieves nothing but exhaustion! Good luck.

marvalous

thanks paddy's mum it is great to have an objective opinion. i feel a bit calmer now but i think you're right i need to be a little more "selfish"

belfastgirl23

Does your DH understand the financial situation you're in? If he isn't dealing with the finances day by day maybe you need to sit him down and talk to him properly about what is happening. I'd also try to encourage him to make choices - eg yes he can buy car parts if he wants but that means that you can't afford any spending money on holiday. Either he needs to agree that you take the responsibility for the money (which means he needs to more or less do as you say) or he needs to agree to take some responsiblity himself. The choice is that stark.

Good luck, I know how upsetting it is if your efforts aren't being appreciated.

marvalous

well we hashed it out this morning and he was very apolgetic and i have put my foot down. now we handle everything together, open all bills etc.


will see how we go.

in the meantime we have a week's holiday to look forward to. Hopefully my bank charges refund will be waiting for me when i get back!:D

belfastgirl23

Well done! Have a great holiday