Making Voluntary Payments

kelloggs36

BTW, I would guess that they are not on benefits, because whether your husband pays anything or not, won't affect her benefits, so she won't be affected at all and would therefore have no reason to be upset about it. They may be on WFTC which means they get all the maintenance due to them which will help their every day costs, so from the info you have given, it looks like they are not on benefits.

N71

I'd go with what the CSA assess. If it's nil, and you find you can afford to buy things for the children, then thats a bonus that the children will benefit from.

doelani

this happened to us a number of years ago. I had 3 children which my ex was paying me for and my husband ( partner at the time ) had 3 children who lived with his ex who he paid for. Both assessments were done through the CSA.

I became ill and was on incapacity benefit and because my ex decided to inform CSA I was living with someone thinking they did not know. I ahd alwasy kept them informed but duringa phone call with CSA they decided to do a reassemment due to me no longer working and although my ex still had to apy the same to me my husband got a NIL assessment as money due to his wife. There was no way we would not pay for his kids and he continued paying the same amount as original assessment and has increased this each year. I would add we also take kids on holiday every second year and pay towards school uniforms etc. This works for us as we are on good terms with hubbies ex and basically everything is between us and her now and CSA not involved. She has new husband and has never been in IS so any money she gets is all hers. If OP is not on good terms you could always set up a standing order to make these payments.

I know this does not work for everyone. My ex did not speak to my children for 9 years ( resolved now ) and I had to get a DEO to make sure I got my money from him. In those 9 years my kids never even got a birthday card from there dad. Like I say this is resolved now.

justontime

doelani, it was so nice to hear from someone who has overcome long standing 'issues' with an ex, it should give us all hope.

I am the only provider for my children because my first husband died, so I don't get any maintenance, it leaves us at a disadvantage in lots of ways, but even so my (present) husband's children are still entitled to expect support from their dad. It is going to be difficult for us whatever we do. I like the suggestion to give clothes etc as we have no way of checking what the mothers present circumstances are. Kelloggs assumption about her not being on income support or JSA makes sense, but knowing her track record I am not so sure, she has raised countless disputes and allegations over the last few years and she was certainly on income support on those occasions. I hesitate to say this but it seems like a control thing, a way of messing my husband around without having any direct communication. To be fair her actions haven't affected the assessment, it is just upsetting and it causes a lot of worry. I don't really understand her motivation but then I have never been in her position.

I have always tried to be polite and reasonable with her, but trying to deal with her has always been challenging in the extreme, it would be good if it was easier but I'm not holding my breath! We will just do our best to provide whatever we can.

TheWaltons wrote

Perhaps you could contact her, or is that unspeakable? Sometimes we have to grit our teeth and be as civil as possible for the sake of children. You could always explain that you're in a dire financial situation and would like to buy the children clothes, shoes.. anything she would deem suitable - perhaps she has a problem with the kids knowing Dad has done this and not HER - could you offer to pass any bought items to her, instead of through the children? Perhaps she would be less offended if she gave the items to the children? Even pretending she bought them... whatever she chooses to? This would irritate me to be honest, but in situations like this, it is the children who can lose out.

I appreciate this advice. I have contacted her a number of times in the past but despite my best intentions it usually makes things worse, she is very abusive. We try not to do anything to upset her because it makes things hard for the children. We have given items and presents for her to give them many times before, it doesn't matter as long as the things get to the children one way or another, but she is critical of anything my husband does. Yes, I do have to grit my teeth sometimes, but I don't lose sleep over it because I know we have tried our best for the children. Hopefully one day my husband and his ex will overcome their problems.