How do you manage?

bonkers007

Ive been a long time lurker but thought i had to ask you all for a bit of advice!

Im due to get married next year - oct 2014 which sounds like ages away but it doesnt feel like it.

Long story short - im kind of doing it all by myself and i thought i was meant to be happy planning and sorting my wedding but i feel more lonley than anything

my other half works away a lot for his job so i mainly only see him at weekends , at which point hes tired and catching up with paperwork/ chasing emails so i dont get to see him loads or spend lots of time with him after ive left him sleeping and i get on with his washing etc. he earns a great wage and loves his job so i support him as much as possible with it. he supports me as much as poss but he wants to concentrate getting the 'wedding pot' topped up regulary than sitting down, seeing what we need, buying at right times etc - which is great, that doesnt help me plan what i need and how to make etc!

My mum isnt help at all really, tells me its too soon (ive been engaged since 2010 and weve been toegther since 2008) so its not as if weve rushed in to anything. she doesnt want to talk about weddings, i try ask her things or show her ideas and she doesnt make much effort and ends up changing subject or not replying etc. My dad helps and talks as much as he can, bu its hard finding time to talk with out mum around (i work with my parents so its hard to speak to them seperatly etc)

Working with my parents means i dont really have any friends... as its a small company. My best (and only) friend is getting married this sept and i dont want to feel like im pestering as she has all her stuff to get on with, plus i feel i should be there for her as a Brides maid than talking about mine etc. she will be my Maid of Honor but i feel bad asking her when shes busy planning to be a bride!

and my brides maid is my OH's sister... who is spoilt so i dread to see her reaction to my wedding ideas... shes got a budget of £100 for her dress (she could spend that on one coat from A&F so dont think she will be impressed on lack of budget )


my soon to be MIL is - well a MIL . lots of input... but its her input and how she would do things and who she would invite... which is great but our tastes are complete opposite and she knows this, she just wants it to be posh etc for her family to see even tho its me and OH paying and no one else! she keeps going on about expensive dresses and cakes worth hundreds (which she can afford all of it) but i want to do things for myself/ourselves and make things so its more personal to us and not have the usual stuff plus not spend a fortune... my forcast budget is already £10K which is daft (£5k is venue food etc and accomodation though) and the rest is to be made by me to keep costs to a minimum

Im trying to have a vintage parisian theme and it involves what feels like loads of DIY - invites, centre pieces, flowers, 300m+ bunting, cake, thank you gifts, everything etc except the food and clothes to be honest!

i just wish i could share my excitement with someone and them want to be involved/ say wow thats great or anything but feels like everyone couldnt care/ doesnt have time. itd just be nice even just to bounce ideas off of someone but theres no one there

i cant even talk to family memebers becuase no one can keep their mouth shut - what ever i say flys round on emails or on FB ... they all like gossip though so i have no one to turn to!

sorry silly rant but feel flat about the prospect of getting married now :(x

Katy84

Oh Bonkers What a horrible situtation. I can identify with you to a certain amount - I'm doing most of my wedding planning alone and I know how feel! My mam would like to be involved but she lives hundreds of miles away and can only do so much via phone/email. My mother in law couldn't really care less and mainly changes the subject when we talk about the wedding and my bridesmaids have been less than useful shall we say! (they also live a long way away and I've had to choose their dresses etc by myself)

I'm doing a lot of DIY too and I'm happy to do it myself cos I'm crafty and a bit of a perfectionist (got 100s of metres of bunting to do too!) but it does feel very lonely sometimes. Luckily my partner doesn't work away so we have evenings together and he's been great but there's certain things like choosing bridesmaids dresses and shoes and things to do with my dress and hair etc that either aren't appropriate to discuss with him or he just can't get interested in!

I don't have any suggestions for you alas but wanted you to know you're not the only one in this situation. I really hope that as you get closer to your wedding your mother will get more intersted and once her own wedding is out of the way I'm sure your friend will be eager to get involved with helping you with yours! *hug*

74jax

bonkers007 wrote: »

My mum isnt help at all really, tells me its too soon (ive been engaged since 2010 and weve been toegther since 2008) so its not as if weve rushed in to anything. she doesnt want to talk about weddings, i try ask her things or show her ideas and she doesnt make much effort and ends up changing subject or not replying etc. My dad helps and talks as much as he can, bu its hard finding time to talk with out mum around (i work with my parents so its hard to speak to them seperatly etc)
I would maybe ask to go for coffee every couple of weeks and discuss it then. If you know your mum isn't interested I would leave her be.

Working with my parents means i dont really have any friends... as its a small company. My best (and only) friend is getting married this sept and i dont want to feel like im pestering as she has all her stuff to get on with, plus i feel i should be there for her as a Brides maid than talking about mine etc. she will be my Maid of Honor but i feel bad asking her when shes busy planning to be a bride!
she may be grateful for the distraction, you could go to wedding fayres etc. She'll be able to share her wisdom.
and my brides maid is my OH's sister... who is spoilt so i dread to see her reaction to my wedding ideas
doesnt really matter what she thinks, be strong and focused. Do you get on? If so she will show an interest as her duty of bridesmaid, if not - heartless as it is, I'd just tell her I've changed my mind and want bridesmaid's who are happy to help. It's an honor to be asked.

my soon to be MIL is - well a MIL . lots of input... but its her input and how she would do things and who she would invite... which is great but our tastes are complete opposite and she knows this, she just wants it to be posh etc for her family to see even tho its me and OH paying and no one else!
id smile sweetly explain you've listened to her ideas but they aren't what is happening.
my forcast budget is already £10K which is daft (£5k is venue food etc and accomodation though) and the rest is to be made by me to keep costs to a minimum
why is it daft?
Im trying to have a vintage parisian theme and it involves what feels like loads of DIY -

i just wish i could share my excitement with someone and them want to be involved/ say wow thats great or anything but feels like everyone couldnt care/ doesnt have time. itd just be nice even just to bounce ideas off of someone but theres no one there

i cant even talk to family memebers becuase no one can keep their mouth shut - what ever i say flys round on emails or on FB ... they all like gossip though so i have no one to turn to!

sorry silly rant but feel flat about the prospect of getting married now :(x

I know I am one of the most laid back brides on here, but it's our day, we're paying for it and will have it how we want.

Try to enjoy the planning, share with your OH as much as possible.

Could you join an evening craft class to meet new people and help with your diy?

floss2

My DH works away during the week, and also has paperwork to do at weekends. Both my parents are no longer with us, and my best friends live 50 miles or more away.

WHat we did was have 2 chunks of wedding planning in 2 x 1 week off work. This meant we could go see the registrar, sort out the venue, invites, menus, suits etc, meet the photographer etc. It gave us an easier time too, and meant that I could do the nice bits like trawl Ebay while he was away (and didn't know what I was spending ).

Maybe that would work for you & your H2B?

gaynormurray

bonkers007 wrote: »

Ive been a long time lurker but thought i had to ask you all for a bit of advice!

Im due to get married next year - oct 2014 which sounds like ages away but it doesnt feel like it.

Long story short - im kind of doing it all by myself and i thought i was meant to be happy planning and sorting my wedding but i feel more lonley than anything

my other half works away a lot for his job so i mainly only see him at weekends , at which point hes tired and catching up with paperwork/ chasing emails so i dont get to see him loads or spend lots of time with him after ive left him sleeping and i get on with his washing etc. he earns a great wage and loves his job so i support him as much as possible with it. he supports me as much as poss but he wants to concentrate getting the 'wedding pot' topped up regulary than sitting down, seeing what we need, buying at right times etc - which is great, that doesnt help me plan what i need and how to make etc!

My mum isnt help at all really, tells me its too soon (ive been engaged since 2010 and weve been toegther since 2008) so its not as if weve rushed in to anything. she doesnt want to talk about weddings, i try ask her things or show her ideas and she doesnt make much effort and ends up changing subject or not replying etc. My dad helps and talks as much as he can, bu its hard finding time to talk with out mum around (i work with my parents so its hard to speak to them seperatly etc)

Working with my parents means i dont really have any friends... as its a small company. My best (and only) friend is getting married this sept and i dont want to feel like im pestering as she has all her stuff to get on with, plus i feel i should be there for her as a Brides maid than talking about mine etc. she will be my Maid of Honor but i feel bad asking her when shes busy planning to be a bride!

and my brides maid is my OH's sister... who is spoilt so i dread to see her reaction to my wedding ideas... shes got a budget of £100 for her dress (she could spend that on one coat from A&F so dont think she will be impressed on lack of budget )


my soon to be MIL is - well a MIL . lots of input... but its her input and how she would do things and who she would invite... which is great but our tastes are complete opposite and she knows this, she just wants it to be posh etc for her family to see even tho its me and OH paying and no one else! she keeps going on about expensive dresses and cakes worth hundreds (which she can afford all of it) but i want to do things for myself/ourselves and make things so its more personal to us and not have the usual stuff plus not spend a fortune... my forcast budget is already £10K which is daft (£5k is venue food etc and accomodation though) and the rest is to be made by me to keep costs to a minimum

Im trying to have a vintage parisian theme and it involves what feels like loads of DIY - invites, centre pieces, flowers, 300m+ bunting, cake, thank you gifts, everything etc except the food and clothes to be honest!

i just wish i could share my excitement with someone and them want to be involved/ say wow thats great or anything but feels like everyone couldnt care/ doesnt have time. itd just be nice even just to bounce ideas off of someone but theres no one there

i cant even talk to family memebers becuase no one can keep their mouth shut - what ever i say flys round on emails or on FB ... they all like gossip though so i have no one to turn to!

sorry silly rant but feel flat about the prospect of getting married now :(x

Ahh Bonkers, I feel for you, where are you based? I am a future mother of the bride, and I would love to be involved with all the arrangements! My daughter doesnt live near me, but she allows me to trawl the internet for ideas (which I do daily lol!) She isnt getting married until august 2015 though. My eldest daughter lived in London at the time of her wedding and I didnt have any input at all, and I was gutted! This time, I cant wait to do the whole wedding thing! If I can help in any way, even just chatting, do let me know! I am more than willing to share your wedding plans virtually! Take care!
Gaynor xxx

bonkers007

Hi Guys!

Thank you all for your kind replies! Im based near scarborough so nothing very much around here ... lots of wedding bits over towards harrogate but feel like a muppet going alone when people are busy and ive got no one!

Katy84
thank you for your reply! I like doing DIY, becuase no one seems to have what i want for my wedding but not great at it haha! But i try lol. I hope more than anything my mum gets involved too or will even just talk about it! Im 26 and i always used to dream about a big white wedding and i dont want the big wedding now, but i always thought my mum would be as excited as me to share ideas, trying the dress on and other bits and bobs!


74Jax
Yeah itd be nice to go out for a drink (away from work) and speak to either or both of them. I keep trying with my mum but dont want ot push her away! (she already jokes that the weddings going to be moved to 2029)
Yeah by MOH is great and i think i shall steal her and go to some wedding things, then at least its similar interests etc and we can both talk about ideas and things!
We kind of get on, more becuase i try as shes family to be - she is nice enough, we just revolve in different circles and dont always see eye to eye. Thank you for telling me that itd be an honour to be asked, really makes me think about who i want to support me (and what its going to cost me etc too!)

Floss2
thats a great idea! i wouldnt of thought about that as i try cram bits in under his nose on a weekend and dont get very far so thats awesome!
Haha yes i trawl ebay too whilst hes not here and get it delivered elsewhere so if he happened to be home he doesnt see it!

Gaynor,
i wish both my mum and MIL were more like you and wanted to be involved and interested! thank you so much! Might send you a PM with some details and bounce ideas! haha i need some help

thank you all very much! I felt very flat yesterday and you have all helped me a lot!

xxx

heartbreak_star

Aw feel free to post stuff on here, we're always interested to hear!

Honestly - I'm not getting married but I get excited for the posters on here and want to know how it's going - feel free to twitter about anything on here!

And have a *hug*!

HBS x

cats2012

Bonkers - give your Mum some time.

I got engaged Christmas 2010 and set the date for March 2013 that summer, so about 18 months from when we booked. My Mum had so little interest for ages, and made almost identical jokes to what you've mentioned, but it actually helped me realise it really was a long time away and relax about it.

In the end we got much more enthusiastic about a year in advance, booked photographer etc April last year and then started dress shopping etc at the start of the summer when my sister was back from Uni.

So she probably will be keen!! She probably just doesn't want to get over excited now because she has a long wait ahead to see her little girl get married - believe me you have no idea how much this will mean to her.

cats2012

Oh and as for loneliness etc, I was in a very similar boat, my OH doesn't work away but works in a pub so works evenings and weekends, so I did loads of it on my own. Ring friends whenever you can though, mine live miles away but still loved having phone catch ups on everything even if they couldn't be there

bonkers007

thanks Cats2012, its nice to hear that there is hope that my mum will come round to the idea and be there for and with me! Takes some weight off my chest knowing she might not fight me all the way! thats a good idea too, i dont speak to my friends as much as i should... so it s agood reason to give them a call! haha

Can i pester you all for extra ideas please? im kind of stuck for thinking out the box and that i can make...!
Im thinking vintage parisian, with Burgandy, cream and vintage pink for the colour theme.
making bunting to go outside (in gardens with vintage material where i might get married if good weather)
making vintage flower bouquets with lillies and roses and more garden flowers
wanted something different for centre pieces than candles but keep getting drawn to vintage-esq cream candleabras with maybe flowers wrapped over
but doesnt seem very french (except bits of the food and the macaroons as favours wrapped in bags with mini eiffel towers hanging from it - thats where i got engaged)
any other more french ideas?xx

thanks again everyone! xxx

gaynormurray

Gaynor,
i wish both my mum and MIL were more like you and wanted to be involved and interested! thank you so much! Might send you a PM with some details and bounce ideas! haha i need some help

Yes, do send me a PM I love everything to do with planning weddings lol! My daughter is so laid back, Im doing all the planning and appointments for her ha ha! I will help in any way I can, let me know what sort of wedding you would like- my daughter is into shabby chic, vintage style (whatever that may mean lol!)
Take care,
Stand in Mummy Bonkers Gaynor xxxx