Explaining death to a 3 year old...

RunningRach

Not money-saving but nonetheless I would welcome some advice.

My son is 3 and a half and is really into dinosaurs at the moment. He's been asking lots of questions about why there aren't any today and of course we answered that they have all died out. The penny has dropped with him about this now and he has been becoming really upset over the last couple of days at the prospect of us dying and leaving him alone or him dying and therefore being 'gone'.

DH and I have been doing our best to reassure him but we don't want to lie to him and tell him that he won't die. Any suggestions on how to explain this a bit easier to him and alleviate his worries?

Thanks,

absolutebounder

Not an easy one but I would point out how natural is is to age and point towards grand parents etc and tell him how long they have been around so that he can see both you and he are not likely to go yet

suzzi2704

I was very young when my Nana died and the vicar gave me a softly softly story -

We are all like frogs and we live in a big pond - no-one knows what there is above the surface of the pond and we are all happy for so long juts staying down safe below the surface. But sometimes people like Nan get curious about what is on the other side so go up and have a look - But when they get up there they find out that they can't come back. So they are simply above the surface of the pond.

Kinda funny heh!!!

RunningRach

Thanks for the help. Had thought about the aging thing but held off as I didn't want him to make the connection with age and assume his grandparents would die soon - he is v close to my mum and would be distraught if he thought she was anything less than invincible!

Will keep the story in mind too in case we lose anyone close (touchwood we don't for many years yet!)

Curious_George_2

suzzi2704 i used to have the full very detailed version of that story on my pc but it seems to have gone
it is a really lovely way of explaining it... how they go up to the surface and its so beautiful that they want to rush back under to tell thier friends and family that its ok to be up there and its safe for them to join them... but they cant get back.
a friend sent it to me to help explain to my then 4 year old daughter about my best friend who had died very suddenly and it did help.

My DD went through a terrible phase of thinking we were going to die (as my friend was only 30 and not at all ill, so we couldnt explain it.... come to think of it, id still like someone to explain it to me, but there you go)
all you can do is reassure your son that its different for animals and they had to make room for other things... like us!
make it silly... like....what would your town be like if there were still giant dinosaurs roaming around the place?? you want to go shopping but there is a tyrannosaurus rex sat in the middle of asda car park! you want to play in the park but the ptyerodactyl keeps swooping down trying to swipe your ice cream!
try not to make it about you, him or any of his family and try to avoid answering questions about his own mortality, after all he is only little and probably doesnt need as much information as you think.

hope something in this ramble helps!

Bargain_Rzl

I like Curious George's idea a lot! :T :T

I was 3 when my granddad died (he was only 59). I'm pretty sure I already had some concept of death by that point and knew about going to heaven (having been taken to church from babyhood) but when Granddad died I remember my mum telling me that "his heart packed up, and then he died". I instantly got a mental picture of his heart packing a suitcase and leaving - which remains with me to this day

So I understood death but not the meaning of the term "to pack up"

Curious_George_2

Bargain_Rzl wrote: »

So I understood death but not the meaning of the term "to pack up"

blimey... preparing for a holiday with you must have been a nightmare....
"right...lets go and pack our cases"
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"

spoilt_BUT_appreciate_it

My DD is nearly 5 and also been asking alot of questions and it's not so straight forward to answer... so it went along the lines of her now believing that you usually have to be 100 or so before you die ... as her Great Grandad is 95.... didn't really want to explain the whole.. sometimes young people get sick coz she'll be convinced everyone around her is goind to die whenever someone had a cough or feeling a little poorlyas she is a bit or a worrier

spoilt_BUT_appreciate_it

She did ask me why the boy on tv died and I explained that it was because it couldn't swim and that's why she must learn to kick her legs and arms during her swimming lessons at school BUT she was then concerned she might fall in so I explained that was why you must be extra careful near the water but that why the life guard is there just in case you fall in accidently...

I also explained that children who don't look properly when crossing the road can also be seriously hurt and have to go to hospital or sometimes the Doctors can't make you better.

She asked if she was going to Die and I said yes one day but not for a long time so it's OK and not to worry about it ...providing you don't do anything dangerous BUT I felt so Guilty saying it to her, perhaps I went to far.

patchwork_cat

Hi
In my opinion you can't really. My son was 21/2 when my mum died. We explained that ahe had gone to heaven to look after the baby Jesus and wouldn't be around. The first time we went round to her house afterwards, he went running in to the lounge to her chair and then proceeded to tear up to her bedroom looking for her. it makes me want to cry remembering it.

A year later my grandma died and we went to clear out her things from the nursing home. We opened a drawer and despite our having told him she had gone to heaven he kept saying, 'no, Grandma's draw' and shutting the drawers on us. This time it made us laugh!

Strangely enough my son doesn't worry about dying, but my daughter who wasn't even born at either of these times does worry about it.

JWM

When DS was 3 someone's Granny at nursery died and they were all told she'd gone to heaven.

Well naturally he had a think about it and come up with the following plan:
1 Dad will die first (as the oldest), so he will save 2 chairs in Heaven
2 I'll be next so I will sit down next to Dad and put my handbag on the seat next to me
3 DS will join us (aged 100 he thought) and will then sit in the middle so we will all spend eternity in Heaven next to each other!

So there you have it, Heaven is a vast auditorium with everyone sitting in rows! :rotfl:

No help to the OP but always makes me laugh!

DS is now 7 - bit worried about Granny going and doesn't like people dying in films but all in all is cool with the whole thing. As someone said, you can't lie, some people DO die younger - but I have to admit that I never understood the whys of that one myself.