feeling trapped

bluejam1982

hiya - first poster here

i could really do with some advice - i currently live with my partner and two children. Over the last few month by partner has just totally changed - going out all the time and not coming back at night and harly speaking to me or the kids when he is here
its got to the point where im thinking of leaving as he refuses to talk about anything but the house we live in is his house and i cant afford to save up to get somewhere to rent as only work part time so i feel like im just trapped where i am putting up with his crappy behaviour
i just dont know what to do

gizmo111

Are the children his?

bluejam1982

yes they are

PasturesNew

If they're his kids, then next time he goes out pack his bags ... and when he comes home tell him HE is leaving because he obviously doesn't want to be in a relationship with you any more -and- you're staying in the house because they're his kids. Then phone his mother and tell her he's coming home.

gizmo111

How old are they?

BitterAndTwisted

Get onto the turn2us website and use their calculator to see what help you might be entitled to with rent and council tax. If you work more than 16 hours a week I believe you would also be entitled to Working Tax Credits as well.

With two children to support he'll need to give you at least 20% of his take-home pay.

bluejam1982

the children are 4 and 7
ive had a look at the turn to us website and i think ill be ok money wise its just getting enough saved for the actual move ie: bond, first months rent and furniture

gizmo111

Have you discussed thsi with him?
Just because you are not married don't assume that the house will naturally revert to him, he has responsibility as well fo providing a roof over the childrens head.
Have a look over on www.ondivorce.co.uk - not just for married people.

bluejam1982

thank you i will look at that

marisco_2

I am very sorry to hear what you are going through.

You come across as understandably shocked and confused, by your partners recent total change in attitude and approach, toward yourself and your children. To suddenly become so cold, distant and uninterested, in those who are meant to mean the most to you, is a horrendous way to behave. The fact that when you try to talk over everything with him he refuses to entertain any discusssion reeks of contempt.

I was going to ask if anything could have triggered in him a kind of breakdown, but to be honest there is no excuse for the way that you and the children are being treated right now.

I am going to be a bit blunt here and say it as I see it. For reasons known only to himself your partner seems to have suddenly decided to seek out a single life. His actions suggest to me that he is trying to push you all away. Is it possible that he could have met someone else? I hope I have this wrong.

For your own sake talk to him and try all you can to get to the bottom of this. To carry on as you are would be upsetting and destructive to yours and the childrens wellbeing. You deserve so much better than all this and you are strong enough to recognise that.

You are not trapped. If after trying everything you and your partner cannot resolve these problems then an organisation like Womens Aid could help you.

dancingfairy

Have you tried asking him what the problem is and explaining that you need and want him around more?
Have you thought about going to Relate or something like that?
I hope you can sort something out.
df