This is me

Thatsthewayitis

Hi

Thanks for the advice - will try the snowball program asap.

my credit score is excellent, apparently - is there one place I can go to to find good comparisons?

lynzpower

Does your wife work -
or is it just you earning?

david_hellier

You never know, she might be up to her eyeballs too!

Sorry for assuming the stereotype situation.

Thatsthewayitis

Yes, she does work -

in a warped way I'd laugh out load if she did have debts ...

Bestthingsinlifearefree

Hi Thatisthewayitis,

Welcome to MSE. The problem is not so much you income but your spending.

If you can have a financial "heart to heart" with your OH and draw a joint strategy to tackle the debts / cut back that is excellent.

Your OH should not blame you to much as she / the children presumably have benefitted from your over spending.

If she is not aware of the debt she might not cut back on her spending.

I would certainly recommend a spending diary and see if you can move the debts onto a lower rate.

Don't beat your self up to much focuss on positive steps forward.

Best,

Bestthingsinlifearefree

Thatsthewayitis wrote: »

No - not curt at all.
- before I go on my OH is my wife..do I sound feminine??! yikes - might of found my femine side at last -about 20,000 of my debt has been spent on new bits of house, I've just not told her how much this has cost - she doesn't involve herself with finances, only that they should all be ok...perhaps I wouldn't be in this mess if I had involved her a bit more?
That's why I'm quite happy for my OH to spend her salary as she feels fit, she does pay for the kids meals, clubs etc., I don't want to give any hint of my debt issues.

I would get her 100% involved in the finances. If she knows the real situation you can both help each other make the necessary changes in spending patterns.

She may (or may not) be wasting her salary on unnecessarry spending because she thinks the family is debt free.

Best,

mrsmortenharket

I did not tell my DH about my debts. He wasn't impressed when I told him. He was even less impressed the 2nd time :rolleyes:

What I wanted to point out though, is your wife lives in this lovely house, made better by improvements. Doesn't she realise how they were paid for? She must realise your salary will only stretch so far.

I am guessing you & her have seperate bank accounts. I also assume she gets the child benefit.


Its only a 'small' thing but my dh pays the mortgage & the bills from his money (we have seperate bank accounts) & I buy the food & buy bits & pieces for the kids.

Of she was to buy the food that'd save you £300pm to put towards your debts.

Cos by the sounds of it, she's not having to spend her money on much other than herself.

I don't mean to sound horrible btw

Lisa

the_cat

hi

just wanted to wish you good luck telling your OH.

I think getting a new budget together using the advice on cutting down given here and on the other boards, plus maybe getting a 0% card if you can or even just haggling the interest rates down on the current cards first and printing off a snowball calculation to show her how serious you are will help the conversation a lot.

Remember also that you have done your very best and yes, maybe you have made mistakes with spending. You seem to have spent the money on providing a nice home and life for your family without even wishing your wife contribute. She is also at fault here - it is not fair to abdicate responsibility for the family finance and then judge how others do it. Try to remember this if things get a bit heated!

Best of luck and let us know how things progress
Cathy

kazmeister

Hi.

I'm relatively new to the board and I've had to face my other half with huge debts a second time round. It was hard the first time and even harder the second but I had to do it. I couldnt catch the mail man, the bank were calling and I was having trouble meeting my minimum payments. I chose a moment when he casually mentioned money and told him I needed to talk to him about mine. He was so calm about it and has been brilliant since (5 months now). I am so glad I told him, the deceipt was driving a wedge between us because I used to spend time avoiding being alone with him during the day in case he brought up the subject of money. I couldnt even watch TV because the breaks were loaded with loan ads.
I appreciate how lucky I am - he has transferred most of my high interest cards onto his low interest ones and has taken control of my main account. I just have my maintenance from ex and child benefit to manage on (and pay my loan!) and he pays for pretty much everything else. And I now keep a spending diary! As I said I am lucky but WE still have a long way to go. The positive side is that we have a relationship together again and are much closer. I'd say to anyone hiding it from their other half - DONT because you could lose them in the long run anyway. Relationships take work and if you can get thru money stuff usually you can tackle anything. Good luck

Thatsthewayitis

I feel loads better from reading all your kind thoughts - thanks

We spoke at length last night, not about how much I owe, but how we can share all other expenses, and make some savings - I fell quite good about things today:j

I'm going to determine a plan of action on how to reduce my debts more quickley than the 6 years 4 months that will be at the moment, but any advice is always welcome

Thanks