Ex applying for a contact order with our daughter.

wendb69

Im going to tell it straight. If your ex is at least having some contact with your daughter then thats a good start.

Any Court will encourage a regular contact order be put in place. This is quite often contact on every other weekend and time over the holiday period. My children have to go to their Dads for 2 weeks over the summer (a dread to myself), but I have to put up with it. I will also have my first Xmas without them this year. Do I think its unfair - to a degree, but they are their Dads children too. It will be better for your daughter if something legal is put in place. Something where she has a regular pattern of seeing him. If he does not stick to the contact order, and starts mucking about with the specified times etc then you can apply to have it changed. It will also be good for you to have a little time off. And if your lucky your daughter will see that as she gets older that her mum and dad have a good relationship where she is concerned (if your lucky - I personally do not have this due to bitter ex).

As for other partners (girlfriends etc) - this is something none of us want to deal with - especially if the other person is seen as 'nice' by the child(ren). But, its part of life and children do have to adjust. Most of us single mums feel that if they have regular contact with their father or other parties that we wont be seen as the most important people in their lives - its not true. Children know where their bread is buttered and quite frankly there is no one quite like your mum.

Hope it all goes well for you.

pipkin71

taggiesgirl wrote: »

''Finally, beware of people sending you private mesages, have a read of their past posts to get an idea of where they are approaching this subject from''

This was aimed at me!! I'm only trying to help and offer my advise based on my experience,because of people like you i felt that i couldnt share my thoughts.
I mean you are such an expert in this field so come on then back up what you say: Are you a mum? that has been left with nothing,no money,and had her partner walk out on her and her children??
or Are you the 'hard done by dad' who done nothing wrong and could never do anything wrong???

By your user name 'thesaint' which i am sure you are not! my bets on you are the dad!!!

I am the mother in a situation where my children have no contact with their father. I was left with no money, nothing and pregnant with DD2, but, having read your past posts taggiesgirl, I too would remind others to proceed with caution when receiving pm's.

Ravengirl - do everything you can to encourage your daughter's contact with her father in a way that benefits your daughter. If two weeks is too long for her then try to work with your ex partner to compromise on suitable visitation. Your DD will thank you in the end.

Pipkin xxx

Katie~baby

Your ex obvouisly feels that he has not been seeing enough of his dd so wants to increase it which is a step in the right direction. The best thing i can advise is work WITH your ex not against him. Ensure you tell him how your daughter is feeling about her visits and maybe suggest alternatives. I cannot stress enough how you must do whats best for your daughter and not you or your ex.

I dont think you should have an issue with the girlfriend unless giving cause to. Its bloody hard work taking on someone elses child and if shes willing to care for your child when she visits her father then thtas great. Rather that then someone who is nasty to her when she goes!

Also kids act differently when with their dads. Sometimes when we have my partners child she is down in the mouth and acts like she doesnt want to be here but after half hour shes fine and when its time to go home she says she wants to stay! lol So maybe your daughter is acting like this at her dads so he thinks 2 weeks is fine. Have a chat with him about it im sure he only wants whats best as well.

Taggiesgirl: I find it offensive that you seem to think all dads are as bad as your ex. Things happen when a break up occurs and couples are going to feel bitter but you syould put aside your griviences and think about the children.

pipkin71

Katie~baby wrote: »

I cannot stress enough how you must do whats best for your daughter and not you or your ex.

:T

Sadly, the best thing for my children was to have no contact with their father when I left, although DD2 has never known him as I was pegnant at the time.

Now my children are 10 and 8, and are naturally curious about who he is. Had things been different, I would have gladly facilitated a relationship between them - his having no contact was the right thing for their well-being but it still affects them.

pipkin xxxx

findingmyownway

I agree with what another poster said - just because you daughter may give you the impression she doesn't want to go its clearly not the impression her Dad has got. Kids are clever - they know how to pull on your heart strings from a very early age.

As for the new gf, if you don't know the woman how do you know you don't want your child with her? She might be a great role model for your daughter. If asking for more contact has coincided with your ex starting seeing her then doesn't that show she is a decent person? Encouraging a new boyfriend to take more interest in his daughter from a previous relationship takes maturity, decency and a lot of strength. Taking on someone elses child is the hardest job in the world - she deserves your thanks and support for helping your daughter have a better relationship with her Dad.

liney

I think you are being quite reasonable with the summer holiday arrangments - perhaps you could offer a long weekend this year, a week next year and then 2 weeks thereafter as long as your child wants to make it a 2 week thing.

As for the weekend arrangment, where are the paternal grandparents? Are they likely to take care of their granddaughter when the father is working maybe? At least he is taking an interest, and i assume the new girlfriend is part of this and quite possibly a good influence.

arthur_dent_2

I can as a mother see that you are worried about getting the best care for your daughter, but as a father I would be very unhappy at settling for 13 weekends a year and every other birthday and christmas. When discussing access rights for your daughter you must do what is best for her but please bear in mind how you would feel if you were the father and he was the mother denying access.