The "What would you do" question?

quantumleap

I'm just having a look around the site and I've noticed that there are always lots of threads with "what would you do" in the title. Quite rightly, lots of posters (including myself) offer their thoughts on what they would do in the OP's position.

However I was thinking, can we actually know what we would do in a situation without having ever been in that situation. Personally, on reflection, I'm not sure I can to be honest. I think we can all imagine what we would do if, in theory, we were in the same situation of an OP. However, unless we are, or have actually been, in that situation is it fair for us to provide a black or white answer?

Debate!

Lagoon

I think the benefit is that everyone is providing their answer. No one person is dictating to the OP - it enables them to get a range of opinions, and weigh things up.

aileth

I think it depends on the situation. If for example it was to do with an affair and whether they should work at it or leave, I haven't been in the situation (hopefully never will), but if OH admitted to me he'd been doing the down and dirty with somebody he would be out on the street before you can say divorce.

That situation is that black and white for me, but there have been many threads where I've sat and read over and over and still been very ambivalent with my response. God knows what I'd do if actually faced with it.

balletshoes

I think, for those of us who may reply to "what would you do" posts in situations where we've no experience of that particular scenario, it might be because it would be a deal-breaker for us. Everyone's relationship is different, and everyone's deal-breakers will be different too.

beckysbobbles1

I believe a lot of the OP of those threads already have an idea in mind of the answers they want, they just need other people to agree with their opinion. Does that make sense?

No one can truly give a balanced view of a siutation without being it it. It's also difficult as it's impossible to give all of the facts relating to a situation on a forum.

ValHaller

There is a substantial range of nuance to the actual question WWYD? It can be

• to get justification for an action already taken or decided upon
• to see whether others would react the same in the case of an action already undertaken
• it can be for the OP to get outside views when they feel they are stood too close to the problem

Ignoring the first type, in the other types of situation, there is potentially a lot of value in having thought through answers from a variety of perspectives other than with one's nose touching the problem. Often the OP wants answers from people who are approaching the problem without being in the OP's situation

Scrapaholic

I think an OP might have in mind what they will do and could be looking for someone else to say they'd do the same thing . Even if someone has been in the same position not everyone will resolve things in the same way . It could be useful to get some opinions as someone might write something helpful that the op hasn't thought of . Waiting for opinions of what to do could give someone time to have a good think before they take a course of action and it may be different to what they first thought of .

lemontart

Very true op there are often no b&w or clear cut answers, and no offence meant to anyone posing such a question - we are only getting one view point on their situation.

Sometimes I feel it is cathartic to put the problem out there, get it off their chest, getting reassurance for the most though to be fair some do get the opposite.

But for those reading the posts and replies I am in no doubt that some will benefit in some way too, being knowing there are those also facing similar situations, from experiences shared by others to yes the Jeremy Kyle effect for some watchers feeling shall we say better about them selves - this of course can range from looking down on others to empathy for the op of such or the respondents.

quantumleap

lemontart wrote: »

Very true op there are often no b&w or clear cut answers, and no offence meant to anyone posing such a question - we are only getting one view point on their situation.

Sometimes I feel it is cathartic to put the problem out there, get it off their chest, getting reassurance for the most though to be fair some do get the opposite.

But for those reading the posts and replies I am in no doubt that some will benefit in some way too, being knowing there are those also facing similar situations, from experiences shared by others to yes the Jeremy Kyle effect for some watchers feeling shall we say better about them selves - this of course can range from looking down on others to empathy for the op of such or the respondents.

You see, this is how I've been thinking. The notion that we are always getting one side of the story and whilst we are, of course, correct to reply and offer support, advice and opinion (that's what makes this forum) I'm always concerned that the "other side" is not really known and we are saying what we would do without all of the facts.

I always feel that there are three sides to every story, the third side being the truth, which is usually somewhere between the other two sides.

SavingPennies_2

Yep I often think that when I see the threads such as the OP says her OH has done (insert bad behaviour) and then loads of people say "dump him" and I think ah but would you? I think in many cases not. Its just so easy to advise someone to do something but how many of us deep down, honestly or truly would do the same?

I also think that a lot of people, myself included, cant help but project our own feelings/experiences into the reply rather than remain objective.

Which is why asking advice on here can be risking IMO.

fluffnutter

Some people have been there, done that and still give shite advice. Some people haven't and give sound, measured helpful support.

At the end of the day, it's not really your experiences that are that relevant when offering advice, it's simply a case of how stupid you are. Stupid people give crap advice.