Depression II

ilovegreatdanes

gillette147 wrote: »

Hi to westclok, dmg and happysinglemom xxx
........and everyone else.
It's depressing that so many people are depressed!!

Life doesn't feel very real to me. I'm not black dog suicidal but I am really really down. Everything is manjana with me. Jobhunting, sorting out doctors, even having a shave.

Tiff will kill me but I'm off the meds. For 5 days I took a half dose and yesterday and today none. I just feel that my depression is attitude and the way I am....rather than chemical. None of the meds changed my depression. I had 2 unusual for me tearful days at the beginning of my first ADs but then same old me. I know I could try other meds or stronger doses but I suspect that alot of my problems are circumstantial. And my crap attitude to circumstances. Any crap in my life and I'm depressed.

I suspect that enough counselling and soul searching would be the answer but I've had my 6 free ones so it will have to come from my own efforts. I'm not going to be able to flick a switch and be happy......but I think I need to live for a while accepting that these are my cards and I have to play them. I'm not in a good place but I just think the meds are making me big-up the depression instead of down-playing it.

This move will also remove other problems that they are causing. I have low self-esteem because I am on them. It upsets my g/f that I'm on them. I am sure they are dumbing down my sex drive and energy. And it makes me feel it's ok to be on the sick - when the reality is that I will end up penniless if it continues.

NO way do I condone this approach for anyone else. I only talk about it here because there is nowhere else where I can air these thoughts.

My version of self-harming is usually to cut out friends etc. and I have been doing this lately. Hiding from people on msn....resigning from posting in the arms yesterday but at least I emailed someone last night who I have been seeing on msn but avoiding. I need to slowly climb back into contact with people. Being at home is so bad for me. I need interest and stuff happening to make me feel life is worth it. But I put on weight, then my clothes don't fit and so I don't want to go out. Just feel fat and uncomfortable and want to get back home - so I become more and more a recluse. I am in a vicious circle which I somehow must break.

G/f was here weekend and I miss her now. Sister was here too. Had a bit of fun. I used to be good at fun. having fun isn't being happy......but it really helps.

xxxx

hi all,
gillette.......i read your post and i thought god, thats me.i could have written that and just about sums up how im feeling.so glad you wrote this and please keep posting as i think we have so much in common, its spooky:eek:

tiff.....thanks so much for the advice and taking the time to help.really appreciate it. xx

im currently with cccs for my dmp so im paying them the dosh to distribute.

i dont know if the prozac works or if, like gillette, its in my nature to be depressed forever, to some extent.
have an incapacity medical on fri and think thats what set it off.if i lose the sick money, i wonder about coping.its the not knowing, i suppose.cant face a job at the mo(god ,didnt mean in the idle sense,iykwim),cos i woked full time for years but its the ppl contact that i cant handle and am afraid ill do something weird.wish fri was over and knew one way or other cos im making myself ill with worry.i hate that strangers can have such power over you and can make decisions that affect you so much without even knowing you, and think they know everything cos they have a bloody qualification and they see you for an hour :mad:

anyway,rant over and feel better for getting it off my chest.youre the only ppl ive told bout fri so thats huge for me and hope you would not think bad of me cos of the sick money thing and not having a job and sh*t but hope you understand alittle how i feel, although i know you dont know me that well, from reading, i dont think youll judge me unfairly.

must go now.dont know what id do without this site but its so addictive and seem to spend hours on it.

take care everyone and wish you a happy and positive day.
regads, xx

westclok

Thanks for the welcomes everyone, its really nice to think that people are taking a bit of time out of there day to say hello to newbies to the board.

My family are supportive but I tend to push them away by wanting to stay hidden away all day and hide in my bed. I also find it difficult to talk to my friends. As we are a group of males we dont really talk about feelings.

The doc was ok. He said I could take diazepam a few times a day along with my current medication. He also gave me a number for a councellor, I left a message on the counsellers answer machine yesterday but I havent heard anything back yet...

The job is quite mentally frustrating, I never told the interview panel about my depression/anxiety. Normally I would sit and try and solve the problems at work, but when im feeling like this my attention span is very short and I often end up just sitting staring at the computer screen worrying. I dont think it is fair to take a job with a new employer knowing i could end up doing that.

Once again, thanks to everyone on the board for listening to me

gillette147

ILGD
I am in the same situation with sick pay too!!
I have savings - well actually it's money I saved to cover the predicted shortfall in my crap endowment. But it looks like savings so I will get no help if I'm not classed as sick. Dole want to see a Med4. I'm shud book an appointment to see doc to get one but I am avoiding it.

How can I come off ADs and get a med4? So I am facing being kicked off and having nothing. So I understand what you are on about. xxx

Sazzy
Well done on the run. I had to run along a train platform saturday. And I'm sure my body has forgot how to do it xxx

Tiffy
Hiya. You are amazing - you have such a big heart. The effort you put into this thread continues to astound me. Get a life!!! lol xxxx

Tulip
I hope you are ok and munching on a bit of fruit xxx

SF
It sounds like you are doing a bit better. I do hope so xxx

Karrie
I used to use Lynx. But now it's ASDA own 49p. I have to rely on charm now xxx

Blinky
You're a great bloke and we all understand that you have a life to attend to. You have been a great help to many on here and if only all the men on here had your soul.

Westclok
Hi mate. I'm out of work too and worrying about how I will cope when I return. To turn down a job so as not to let them down is very thoughtful of you. But on the other hand a new job and a new firm might help your depression and be a good thing. Consider your choice carefully chap.

HSM
You've got alot on your plate girlie. But well done for seeing the problems and facing them. Good luck and use this place for support. It may be a virtual world but it has more caring people than a depot of full double decker buses xxx

Sandy
Keep posting on here. We all care and you are very welcome xxx

Lewt
Hiya. Nice to see you up here

RBK
Hiya girlie xxx. I've done it myself *slap I know*. I just need to take control. Then that in itself will be a philip. G/f and me are fine. But it's a weekend thing and the weeks are spent alone.

Ethel
More sh1te for you. You must have been awful in your last life. Your courage and caring always stuns me. You are a great person and I do believe that your time will come xxxx

QB
I don't often speak to you but I want to say that anyone that continues to tend this thread deserves to ascend to heaven

LRS
Keep at it chap. Not long now.

Miro
Yay bloke. Nice to hear from you. And you sound in good spirits. Come back and join in mate.

GL, dmg, err....and others I have forgotten.
Hugs and handshakes to you all.

Right I need a lie down after all that.

xxxx

Sazbo

Miroslav wrote: »

Just a quick hello to my adoring public :rotfl:

:wave:

I age another year this week, so i'm looking forward to treating myself.

I'm not sure how....i've not bought any Britney items off eBay for a couple of weeks, so maybe that's what i'll do..........all hail Queen Britney :A :kisses2:

On the day, I want no cakes, just the words 'Miro & Britney are perfect for each other' and it'll get me through to next June :rotfl:

Anyway, hope everyone is well...has anyone heard from feelinggood? Is she back?

Any newbies since my last visit a few weeks back? Anyone decided to leave and I missed the leaving party?

No news from my end i'm afraid (with exception to my affair with Britney........oops! That was a secret!)

I must come back more often, but other peoples depression makes me depressed - that's not meant to be bad, just right now, i'm not capable of dealing with too much.

Until tomorrow maybe......

I'm a slaaaaaaaaaaaave for you

MIRO!!! :j :j :j :wave: :wave: :wave:

Love,
Sazzy xxxxxxxxx

geminilady

Miroslav wrote: »

Just a quick hello to my adoring public :rotfl:

:wave:

I age another year this week, so i'm looking forward to treating myself.

I'm not sure how....i've not bought any Britney items off eBay for a couple of weeks, so maybe that's what i'll do..........all hail Queen Britney :A :kisses2:

On the day, I want no cakes, just the words 'Miro & Britney are perfect for each other' and it'll get me through to next June :rotfl:

Anyway, hope everyone is well...has anyone heard from feelinggood? Is she back?

Any newbies since my last visit a few weeks back? Anyone decided to leave and I missed the leaving party?

No news from my end i'm afraid (with exception to my affair with Britney........oops! That was a secret!)

I must come back more often, but other peoples depression makes me depressed - that's not meant to be bad, just right now, i'm not capable of dealing with too much.

Until tomorrow maybe......

I'm a slaaaaaaaaaaaave for you

Hi Miro:hello: :j :j Great to see you back!pull up a chair.I can understand you feeling other peoples depression can make yours worse it does happen sometimes.Personaly i find it helps to know there are people out there with much worse problems than me it stops me being self centered and just thinking of myself.Anyway post when you feel up to it you know you will always get a welcome here.If you read back through the thread you will see we do have lots of newbies and one or two don't post anymore, hopefuly it is because they are doing fine,fingers crossed.Hope you have a lovely birthday and don't forget to treat yourself you deserve it

rose07

Urgh im feelin soo ill today and ive got my interview in less than an hour :eek:

Soo dont wanna do today, but gonna have to. Cant eat, havent really slept, just on edge atm. Soo feelin !!!!!!. But tomorrow will be better

Will catch up later properly

Love to all

xxx

westclok

Hey rose07,

Ive been in similar sitatuions recently with going to interviews while feeling depressed/anxious. Ive just started reading this board so i dont really know ur story.

Remember that an interview is for both sides. Its a good opportunity for you to decide whether the job is for you. Will the position suit you?

I dont know if this will help you or not, it helps me sometimes to think like this.

Karrie

rose07 wrote: »

Urgh im feelin soo ill today and ive got my interview in less than an hour :eek:

Soo dont wanna do today, but gonna have to. Cant eat, havent really slept, just on edge atm. Soo feelin !!!!!!. But tomorrow will be better

Will catch up later properly

Love to all

xxx

GOOD LUCK ROSE

*sandymogs*

Thanks for the welcome :hello: and I hope you're all having a good day. Mine is going OK so far, I had a good night sleep last night and didn't wake at 4 am as I usually do. Although It may be because my body is so full of histamine from having hay fever at the moment.

Hope your feeling better tomorrow rose, it's a vicious circle when you can't eat or sleep, you just end up feeling worse.

Sorry to hear about the problems you have with your daughter Ethel I know having a family member with challenging behaviour (for whatever reason) is very stressful for the whole family!

I'm just off to fetch my youngest from school. I'm glad he's old enough now that I can wait in the car for him, as I hated being amongst the cliquey mums at the school playground when my kids were young.

roversbabe

Hello,

I've been diagnosed with moderate depression (again!) and have just started taking antidepressants. I went to the docs cos I was tired all the time and generally fed up with it but I didn't think I was feeling depressed - did a questionnaire thingy and turns out I am depressed.

Gillette - I totally understand what you're saying about the manyana attitude - I just don't care about anything at the moment, I don't see the point of doing anything, even things I normally love like making cards, watching a match or x-stitching.

Did anyone else feel worse after starting the ADs? I wasn't as low last week as I am now. I've only been on the tablets a week and am more tired, achey, nauseous and down than I was before taking them.

I'm back at the docs tomorrow so I'll see what happens then.

Hugs to all and thanks for reading.

Allie xx