Advice needed about caring for elderly relatives

sahmx5

My grandmother has spent the last 2 months in a care home. The long and the short of it is that she hates it and wants to go back to her home.

She needs a live in carer but I don't know where to begin to find one.

If anyone else has had a similar experience and can point me in the right direction or tell me what the pitfalls are I would be extremely grateful.

Shineyhappy

I had lots of trouble with my own grandparents. I think a bit more information is needed here.

How is your grandmothers physical and mental condition? How is she planing on paying for the care?

If she isnt too bad, you maybe able to advertise for someone to be a live in carer and not have to pay too much. I have known people to do this privately and wages vary depending on the time the carer has to work.

MKwife

Firstly, contact your local social services and find out what care your grandmother is entitled to and if she has to pay or not depending on her financial situation.

Social Services will have a list of recommended private carers and agencies if you do decide for her to receive care at home.

sahmx5

Thanks for posting....

My grandmother is in the fustrating position of having a failing body but a fully functioning mind. She can stand with support but can no longer walk. She requires daily help from nursing staff and would continue to pay a nursing agency to provide this. She needs a carer to get her washed and dressed, to prepare her meals and help her to eat them and to prepare her for bed.

She is financially sound and is extremely unlikely to ever qualify for state funded support. Before she went into respite care she was paying £300 per week for a carer to come in morning, lunchtime and dinner time and a further £100 to another carer to put her to bed at night.

Justie

she should be assessed by social services and they should be able to advise if she can claim any benefits for a carer. Social Services will do a full assessment of her needs and advice on any changes to her home if they're needed. Would she be able to manage in sheltered housing with help from carers some of the time or does she need someone there full time?

margaretclare

Does she get attendance allowance? £62.50 a week - well worth having.

http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/DisabledPeople/FinancialSupport/DG_10012425

With a 'fully-functioning mind' I can well understand why she DOES NOT want to be in a care home!!!

Margaret

Savvy_Sue

sahmx5 wrote: »

Before she went into respite care she was paying £300 per week for a carer to come in morning, lunchtime and dinner time and a further £100 to another carer to put her to bed at night.

You, your grandmother, and Social Services need to assess how much more than this she would need in order to return home. With the best will in the world, she may hate where she is, and she may desperately want to go home, but if she is a danger to herself and her neighbours how long will that last?

If she definitely needs someone with her 24/7, then you are not just talking about a live-in carer, you are talking about a team of people so that you have cover when one of them is sick or on holiday.

If she doesn't need someone with her 24/7, then sheltered housing, the pendant alarm systems and things like that are all worth considering.

But if she could manage with a little more help than she had previously it's definitely worth approaching Social Services and asking about setting up additional help.

I'm presuming in all this that your grandmother's previous help came via Social Services, even if she was paying for it herself (it's all means-tested!) If everything was arranged independently, then ask her how it was organised and see if you can get more help through the same source.

Errata

First of all - my sympathies are all with your gran, institutional living can be hell. Many districts have intensive supported living, usually something like a block of small flats which have staff to help with getting up, wahing, dressing etc and have dining rooms, or residents can order their meals to be delivered. This kind of thing might be a mid point between your gran living in an institution or living at home with a live in carer, who'll need days off, holidays, sick leave etc. Your gran's social services dept will have information about any of these housing schemes in her area. HTH

sahmx5

All care was arranged privately.

Is Attendance allowance means tested?

I appreciate the comments about dodgy care homes but this one is a Bupa home costing £800 per week. She has a lovely room, an en-suite bathroom, freshly cooked food.

Most of the problem is that she will not mix. She refuses to go to the dining hall as she is embarassed because she finds it difficult to feed herself. I have pointed out that other residents are spoon fed but she will not budge. She won't join in any of the social activities such as the man who comes to play the piano on Tuesday afternoons or the art and crafts classes on Thursdays.

She then moans because she is bored sitting in her room all day... When she was at her home she would moan that she was bored sitting in her room all day. She complains if the staff take more than 5 minutes to answer her buzzer.

She really is trying to manipulate my Father to visit her more often. He lives in Spain and comes over for 4 days every 3 weeks.

Things have moved on in the last few days. She has contacted her old carer who is now working for an agency earning more normal rates such as £7 per hour. Unsurprisingly the carer has bitten her hand off when asked to come back as she can get £20 per hour for going in 3 times a day hence the £300 per week.

I have pointed out to her that if she returns home she will have no buzzer and will go back to being alone when the carer is not there. Nobody to get her an extra blanket, to get her a drink, to pull the curtains, to turn the light on etc.

Sorry this is so long and rambling. I am struggling to juggle my family's demands with my grandmothers. She is more demanding than my 5 children!

Errata

sahmx5 wrote: »

All care was arranged privately.

Most of the problem is that she will not mix. She refuses to go to the dining hall as she is embarassed because she finds it difficult to feed herself. I have pointed out that other residents are spoon fed but she will not budge. She won't join in any of the social activities such as the man who comes to play the piano on Tuesday afternoons or the art and crafts classes on Thursdays.

Of course she's embarrassed - wouldn't you be if you found yourself living in a strange place amongst strangers?
Well you know, she's reacting quite normally to the situation she finds herself in. Unless she's been totally in love with listenting to a piano player or has done arts and crafts all her life, why would she be interested in them now?

Attendance allowance isn't means tested and she would be entitled to the top rate which MargaretC has already posted. HTH.

Savvy_Sue

She could get a buzzer fitted at home. Contact Social Services for advice, or look at the thread on this board a while back.

however I don't think it's meant to be used for needing an extra blanket, or another cup of tea, more emergencies ...

Sometimes I think one has to be as firm with older people as one would with children ... Sounds like she's not going to get what she wants (at home with 24 hour care?), and wouldn't be happy even if she did. Of course she can choose to go back home, but personally I would warn her that you cannot do any more for her, and by the sounds of it neither can your father.

Was there a reason for her going into respite care?