Confidence issues

becky4131

Need people's thoughts on a matter regarding confidence.

Basically i was due to go to a social group tonight with a friend but she couldn't make it last minute. I decided not to go as i am full of cold and tired and the thought of meeting new people whilst feeling unwell didn't really appeal.
My friend says i am backing out because i don't want to go alone (partly true) and that i should just go and meet new people. She continueed to lecture me about how i should go even when i told her my reasons not to and made out i won't so anything alone and i lack in confidence.

I am upset about the whole situation because now i am wondering if i do have a confidence issue? I would have gone to the group alone if i had to but i do hate arriving at places when i don't know anyone but thought this was normal?

I live on my own but i am confident at work and around people i know, i just don't like the thought of people judging me and feel awkward when i am alone in social groups.

I didn't think i had got a problem but now im thinking maybe i do because i don't tend to go anywhere on my own (other than work). How can i improve my confidence? Is it normal not to be bothered about going out and meeting new people? Does anyone else feel awkward going to new groups alone?

I'm upset about the lack of support from my friend and her lecturing me.

Barneysmom

I think you should ditch your friend.
Give it a few weeks and you will feel a lot better.
Don't worry about going out if you feel uncomfortable, there will be times when you really want to go somewhere and your confidence won't be an issue.
Your friend lecturing you is bringing you down and unnerving you.
You're not well and your friend should have taken that on board.
A lot of us are uncomfortable in these situations so don't be hard on yourself, you're doing fine xx

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

But, if it actually is a problem for you to go out alone, I suggest you make yourself do it regularly, because it gets easier the more you do it.

And you're more likely to meet new people and make friends, so you're less likely to be alone next time.....



I actually have horrendous anxiety about going out a lot of the time. Sometimes when I'm alone, it's crap and I go home after an hour or so - but others, it's fun and I get talking to new people, some of which are close friends now. Even so, I'll still get anxious, but if I didn't do it, I'd never see or speak to anyone other than the cat.


After all, most of us have heard of the person who has never been anywhere without their spouse for 40 years and then - well, they end up alone. I'm not going to be one of them if I have anything to do with it.

fluffnutter

Friends who spend their time telling others how to live aren't really friends at all. What's it to her what your reasons are for not going out? That's your business.

It's normal to feel a little wary in the kind of situation you describe, particularly if you're feeling under the weather.

No one should make you feel bad about yourself. You is what you is. Find a new friend.

marisco_2

Seeing as you are full of cold and tired I dont blame you for not wanting to go into a new social situation trying to mix with people you dont know. That can feel daunting even when you feel 100%

I think your friend was being overly harsh and judgemental. If you do have confidence issues, then she has done nothing to improve those with her conduct today has she? You dont build a persons self esteem by kicking them when they are down, anyone with any common sense knows that.

I use to be very shy and hated the idea of going out and mixing with people. It took for me to put myself in lots of awkard feeling situations and to just start to talk with people to increase my ease at socialising. Very often I was with people I knew and would make a point of talking to one person who I didn't know. If the conversation dried up then I had other people around me to fall back on. Oddly enough some of my best friends now are the people I took a risk on trying to get to know.

Dont let this unpleasantness from your friend get you down. Put it down to her having an off day, get yourself well and choose to socialise in your own way when you feel up to it again. There is no wrong or right way, just your way

Georgiegirl256

Barneysmom wrote: »

I think you should ditch your friend.
Give it a few weeks and you will feel a lot better.
Don't worry about going out if you feel uncomfortable, there will be times when you really want to go somewhere and your confidence won't be an issue.
Your friend lecturing you is bringing you down and unnerving you.
You're not well and your friend should have taken that on board.
A lot of us are uncomfortable in these situations so don't be hard on yourself, you're doing fine xx

Exactly this! Couldn't have out it better myself

becky4131

Thank you

To be honest my 'friend' hasn't really been a 'friend' for a while now, she has a young son so i don't see her very often at all and never bothers to contact me. She is an old friend from school but we seem to have grown apart and i just don't find her very supportive.

I am currently planning and saving to go travelling around Australia so i don't think someone with huge confidence issues would do this. She just put doubts in my mind i guess. I've never been big on going out and after work im quite happy curled up on the sofa with my pets.

Time to find a new friend i think!

owen_money

You dont have a problem at all. I work in sales am the life and soul but find it difficult at times to go into a room and meet new people

marisco_2

becky4131 wrote: »

I am currently planning and saving to go travelling around Australia so i don't think someone with huge confidence issues would do this.

Good on you, seriously that takes alot of guts and get up and go. I did the same when I was 20 and it was the making of me. I loved it in Australia, the people are so welcoming and there is a great social aspect to life out there. You will have the most amazing time I am sure

dancingfairy

Why were you going to this place anyway? Was it your friends suggestion? I'm just wondering whether it was something you wanted to do or whether you were doing it just to go along with your friend (maybe she didn't want to go one her own!)? If it had been something you really wanted to do then maybe you would have felt differently (and forced yourself to go even if you were feeling ill).
Your 'friend' sounds charming. Almost like she wants to knock you down to build you back up, very odd behaviour.
Confidence is one of those things - perhaps you would feel confident doing somethings on your own but not others. As logn as it is not stopping you doing what you want to do then who cares? And to be honest it doesn't sound like it is if you are off travelling.
Ignore her.
df