How do you find the words?

user55

How do you tell people in your life about going bankrupt? I've told my sister today, and she was great, very supportive and reassuring. But I entirely failed to tell my brother, who gets married in 2 weeks and for whom I won't be able to buy a decent wedding present. And I've had a my friend on the phone a couple of times trying to plan upcoming camping trips and I haven't been able to say that a: I can't afford it and b: I won't have a car! I'll have to tell her soon, but the words wouldn't come out.

I need to grow a backbone!

Remmer

A backbone? Your backbone is there, you did it didn't you? It's hard at first but why wont you have a car? Has the OR said so?

Gorrafewquidnow

Hey, you`ve done the hardest bit by doing the deed. If you feel you cant tell people that you are actually bankrupt, tel them you are a bit skint at the moment. As for the car, they are always breaking down !!!

Is it definite you will lose it?

user55

The car's on HP and I can't afford the repayments and stay within budget. It's the car or food, even if I was allowed to keep it. I don't know the OR's position on it yet, but in 2 weeks I'll have missed a payment and the countdown to reposession will have begun.

eta: I've not done the deed yet, merely done the CAB / CCCS bit and decided to do it!

Gorrafewquidnow

user55 wrote: »

The car's on HP and I can't afford the repayments and stay within budget. It's the car or food, even if I was allowed to keep it. I don't know the OR's position on it yet, but in 2 weeks I'll have missed a payment and the countdown to reposession will have begun.

eta: I've not done the deed yet, merely done the CAB / CCCS bit and decided to do it!

oops..jumped the gun sorry.

allofadither

user55 wrote: »

How do you tell people in your life about going bankrupt? I've told my sister today, and she was great, very supportive and reassuring. But I entirely failed to tell my brother, who gets married in 2 weeks and for whom I won't be able to buy a decent wedding present. And I've had a my friend on the phone a couple of times trying to plan upcoming camping trips and I haven't been able to say that a: I can't afford it and b: I won't have a car! I'll have to tell her soon, but the words wouldn't come out.

I need to grow a backbone!

I haven't told anyone...not family or friends. Don't think I ever will either, so you're not the only one without a backbone.

Red1708

It's not that you haven't got a backbone, you're are under a huge amount of stress at the moment and if you don't need to tell them then it's quite understandable if you don't.

I told my parents and brother and sister but only 'cos I knew it was going to be in the local paper & wanted to tell them before they read it. They were all really supportive, it's amazing how many people actually are. A few members of my Dad's family have had a godd gossip about it but hey as my sister says it's what was best for me & I'm certainly not the only one who has done it.

I honestly believe we put far too much pressure on ourselves about what other people will think. We are all in this position because we cant see another way out and have sought PROF advice which confirms this. You don't have to justify it to anybody

savagevixen

I had only told a few close people. However today, I feel knocked for six, as I had to go into the school office. Before BR, I paid a cheque to the school dinnerlady for £38. It should have cleared fine, but they sent it onto the council who did not cash it for 4 weeks. Consequently it was stopped.
Last week I had a bill for £58 (included £20 post bankruptcy.) I spoke to the OR, who said to include the £38 in the BR.
So I went into school, to have a quiet chat with the dinner lady and ask for the letter and returned cheque (to forward to the OR) The school secretary came in and announced that she had already phoned the council, weeks back and explained that we were bankrupts.
I was really taken aback, all the staff at the school new we were bankrupt.
I guess someone does read the local daily after all.

Felt really deflated and gutted. Came home and cried.

It's not just our own business, it's everyone's.

NekoZombie

Gosh, how awful! People can be so insensitive!

shellsuit

Come on guys, you haven't commited a crime or anything

If you tell people and they have a problem with it, it is exactly that, THEIR problem!

It's not something you go into lightly ~ I went BR last October and was discharged last month.

I told people straight ~ I had nothing to feel ashamed of, I'm not a liar and I wasn't going to start lying then.

Chin up

savagevixen

It's not that I am ashamed, it is because it was not on my terms. The local school is very affluent and I can't bear the thought of them all talking about us. This is really because our autistic son has been excluded by them twice, and before his November diagnosis, the school claimed it was us and our bad parenting that was responsible for his behaviour. We fought this and got the diagnosis.
Now I know they will all have been smugly patting themselves on the back, delighting in our misfortune and reflecting on how that stress would have affected our children and could easily have contributed to my son's behaviour.
It may sound paranoid, but I have dealt with these people for years now, and suffered all their sneaky little blows. Believe me they will have enjoyed that little titbit.