Future Partner in DEBT! will it affect me?

SheWolf18

Hi I hope someone can help,
I have met a man that is going through a rough time with hisDEBTS. He is currently looking to transfer his secured loan and house to his exand kids. But he will be left with unsecured personal loans and cards that hehas already got on to a DMP.

Due to his wife being the way she is (controlling heartless)he has not got divorced as she wants to keep his pension she'll not agree toit! they have been split up for about 5years now so he could get divorced on grounds of separation but he does not wantto force anything with her due to his children and her unstable personality.

After paying out his Debt on DMP and his housekeeping costwhere he lives now he has not a penny left to his name.

I have been involved with him now for some time and we wouldlike to move in together.

I worry about what Step Change (cccs) will do with regardsto my income? Will they consider it part of a household income if he moved inwith me and expect me to pay towards his Debt?

Also if he fails to keep up his payments would I then be expectedto help cover it?

I'm very concerned as although I do not have the Debtproblems he has I am only just getting by on my wages anyway, and I have a sonthat relies on me.

Finally, is there anything He can do to empower him and stopthis woman controlling his kids.
Could anyone advice? I feel like this man’s life has beentaken from him just because he left a woman that used to beat him afterdrinking to much.

imoneyop

SheWolf18 wrote: »

Hi I hope someone can help,
I have met a man that is going through a rough time with hisDEBTS. He is currently looking to transfer his secured loan and house to his exand kids. But he will be left with unsecured personal loans and cards that hehas already got on to a DMP.

Due to his wife being the way she is (controlling heartless)he has not got divorced as she wants to keep his pension she'll not agree toit! they have been split up for about 5years now so he could get divorced on grounds of separation but he does not wantto force anything with her due to his children and her unstable personality.

After paying out his Debt on DMP and his housekeeping costwhere he lives now he has not a penny left to his name.

I have been involved with him now for some time and we wouldlike to move in together.

I worry about what Step Change (cccs) will do with regardsto my income? Will they consider it part of a household income if he moved inwith me and expect me to pay towards his Debt?

Also if he fails to keep up his payments would I then be expectedto help cover it?

I'm very concerned as although I do not have the Debtproblems he has I am only just getting by on my wages anyway, and I have a sonthat relies on me.

Finally, is there anything He can do to empower him and stopthis woman controlling his kids.
Could anyone advice? I feel like this man’s life has beentaken from him just because he left a woman that used to beat him afterdrinking to much.

His debts are his debts, so no one can chase you to pay them for him.

Just don't link yourself to him financially, such as getting a joint account or joint tenancy otherwise it will have an affect on your credit history.

dealer_wins

My advise would be to run a mile.

In debt, PITA ex wife, kids!!!.

Not the catch of the century!!

* sorry if causes offence, I just speak my mind

Thegirl

Divorce is three stages when you have kids. There's the end of the marriage part, the residency of the children part and the consent order, which deals with the financial side.
He can divorce his wife on the grounds of five years separation whether she agrees or not, given what you've said. As for squabbling over pensions, this is part of the consent order and can, if she's likely to be difficult, be ordered by the court. Doesn't have to cost a fortune, you can self represent and there is lots of free advice on this on the internet. Try wikivorce, they have articles that they can print out so he can give her the information if he wants.

As for him moving in with you. He'll need to update his DMP as his expenditure is likely to change. Your income won't be taken into account, but he'll be expected to pay half the food/rent/bills. Hopefully this will be less for him and he'll be debt free sooner.

Do not get any joint accounts or any credit with him, as has been said before, thta will impact your credit rating. But just living with him will have no impact.

Personally, and this is not meant to cause offence but is my opinion, I would want him to be trying to sort the divorce side before moving in though. Five years split up and still jumping to the tune of his ex is not the knight on shining armour we may have thought lay in our future when we were younger.
Him not standing up to her will have a bigger impact on your relationship than his DMP ever will.

poppasmurf_bewdley

dealer_wins wrote: »

My advise would be to run a mile.

In debt, PITA ex wife, kids!!!.

Not the catch of the century!!

* sorry if causes offence, I just speak my mind

I agree 100% with what has been said above, but additionally from what the OP has said in her original statement, it strikes me that he's actually frightened of his wife and doesn't want to do anything to upset her. Maybe he's actually hoping to get back with her.

Not only do I advise you to run a mile, but you should do it in sub four minutes, and not stop until you are far, far away from him.

Gordon_Hose

Obviously we're only hearing one side of the story, but he needs to man up, get divorced, set up maintenance for his kids and get on with his life before you even consider moving in with this bloke.

The only way you can be financially linked is by getting a joint bank account, joint credit card, joint loan, joint mortgage or joint tenancy. No one can chase you for his debts and your income cannot be taken into account, unless your name is on the credit agreements. Nor can anyone make you pay his debts.

StuC75

Whilst the debts will not be your responsibility; they will have an impact upon your Standard of Living going forwards.. Would your ambitions be affected by any such restrictions on his finances.

Yes we all have a past, but to what extent may his put your future at a disadvantage. Its all well and good saying 'in time' this would be cleared but that can be a lot of time to be wishing away..

meer53

SheWolf18 wrote: »

Hi I hope someone can help,
I have met a man that is going through a rough time with hisDEBTS. He is currently looking to transfer his secured loan and house to his exand kids. But he will be left with unsecured personal loans and cards that hehas already got on to a DMP.

Due to his wife being the way she is (controlling heartless)he has not got divorced as she wants to keep his pension she'll not agree toit! they have been split up for about 5years now so he could get divorced on grounds of separation but he does not wantto force anything with her due to his children and her unstable personality.

After paying out his Debt on DMP and his housekeeping costwhere he lives now he has not a penny left to his name.

I have been involved with him now for some time and we wouldlike to move in together.

I worry about what Step Change (cccs) will do with regardsto my income? Will they consider it part of a household income if he moved inwith me and expect me to pay towards his Debt?

Also if he fails to keep up his payments would I then be expectedto help cover it?

I'm very concerned as although I do not have the Debtproblems he has I am only just getting by on my wages anyway, and I have a sonthat relies on me.

Finally, is there anything He can do to empower him and stopthis woman controlling his kids.
Could anyone advice? I feel like this man’s life has beentaken from him just because he left a woman that used to beat him afterdrinking to much.

She can still keep some of his pension even if they do get divorced, so is your OH being honest with you, or has she told you this herself ? When you say he is transferring his secured loan and house to his ex, what do you mean ? Can she afford to take these on herself ?

The best thing to do is to let them sort out their divorce first before committing yourself to anything. It sounds a very complicated situation and if i were you i wouldn't do anything, especially not moving in with him until things are more settled. I know you want to help him but as others have said, can you be sure that what he says about his wife is true ?

[Deleted User]

How old are his children?

suburbanwifey

SheWolf18 wrote: »

Hi I hope someone can help,
I have met a man that is going through a rough time with hisDEBTS. He is currently looking to transfer his secured loan and house to his exand kids. But he will be left with unsecured personal loans and cards that hehas already got on to a DMP.

Due to his wife being the way she is (controlling heartless)he has not got divorced as she wants to keep his pension she'll not agree toit! they have been split up for about 5years now so he could get divorced on grounds of separation but he does not wantto force anything with her due to his children and her unstable personality.

After paying out his Debt on DMP and his housekeeping costwhere he lives now he has not a penny left to his name.

I have been involved with him now for some time and we wouldlike to move in together.

I worry about what Step Change (cccs) will do with regardsto my income? Will they consider it part of a household income if he moved inwith me and expect me to pay towards his Debt?

Also if he fails to keep up his payments would I then be expectedto help cover it?

I'm very concerned as although I do not have the Debtproblems he has I am only just getting by on my wages anyway, and I have a sonthat relies on me.

Finally, is there anything He can do to empower him and stopthis woman controlling his kids.
Could anyone advice? I feel like this man’s life has beentaken from him just because he left a woman that used to beat him afterdrinking to much.

I can imagine very few men would stay married to someone they didn't want to, choose how controlling or scary the wife is. After 5 years being legally separated, he can get divorced regardless of her agreeing/liking it or not wanting it. I suspect he doesn't actually want to get divorced, in fact, if he has no intention of getting married again, why would he need to if you are happy to live with him whilst he is still legally married to someone else.

Regardless of her possibly unstable personality, they have a history, how much of one will depend on how long they were/are married ie: years. Her points about having rights to his pension are correct and she of course will not want to lose that right, but he can still get divorced from her, if he wants to. I think he doesn't regardless of what he says to you (people do lie you know)

I'd stay clear, he is entrapped emotionally, financially and legally to this woman, you will have no rights, if you get any joint accounts with him you will be liable to get a bad credit rating because of him and he could very well destroy your life and still go back to the wife.

I'd move on, it takes more than love/lust to make a good relationship, make it work, keep it working etc. You two have so much against you, I'd move on and be heartless myself and think about self-preservation!

EKAndrew

what if this man loves his kids so much that he'd do anything to see them? what if this "controlling" ex has said if you do this or that, you wont be seeing the kids? and whilst most people will turn round and say it can be dealt with in court - maybe this guy doesnt want to go months without seeing his kids. In those months, how do we know the ex wont be brain washing them telling them how horrible their father is? Alot of this depends on the age of his kids.

lucky this is a money saving site and not a relationship one!!!

if you have seen this woman in action, then only you knows what path to follow.

good luck to you whatever you choose to do