How to tell my husband about a hidden credit card debt :(

Butti

The message seems to be tell him

The approach I would suggest is;
1.Tell him how much you love him
2. Tell him that when you went through that bad patch you did something really stupid
3.Tell him how you have been paying it off since


Good luck

MiaowMiaow

I hope you have found the strength to tell him, you will feel relief after and I am sure he will be much happier knowing about it. If you don't it will eat you up.
Like everyone has said, the situation could be a lot worse and it will be manageable
Good luck x

summerjazz

Thanks everyone for your helpful and supportive replies and I'm glad I'm not the only person out there to have been in this situation

Well, I did it yesterday afternoon. It wasn't easy but he knew something was wrong and so I told him to sit down so we could talk. I told him that my credit rating is 999 with Experian (have also checked Equifax) and about the credit card. As one would expect, he was upset and angry and there was a lot of shouting and swearing at one point (I deserved it).

We looked at my credit report and have dealt with the debts but the trust is broken. I have given him online access to my current account so that he can see I have nothing else to hide and suggested we put some time aside each month to have a 'money hour' so that we can both talk about our finances. I did also offer for him to have my wages paid into his account and for him to take full control but he wants me to learn from this and as such will monitor my account and I will regularly show him statements too.

I can't quite put into words at the moment how I feel about all this. I still don't feel any relief at having told him and I hate myself for having lied for so long and for hurting him and breaking his trust. That is going to take a lot of work on my part to rebuild. But I am kind of proud of myself for telling him and from now on not having to hide anything from him and starting with a clean slate. There is nothing else but complete honesty now. I know as well that I will never, never, EVER take any sort of credit in my name ever again as my lesson is learnt.

I also wish there was some way of reporting Liveperson psychics for being utter con artists and taking advantage of those who cannot afford it, financially or otherwise Having looked at some reviews of them online (e.g. Ripoff Report) it seems I'm not the only foolish one to have had their lives ruined by them

eyeopener2

Well done, yes it's a nightmare and you will feel bad for a while but you now have the chance to rebuild trust. Trust built through confession, honesty and a changed person.

What more could anybody ask for?

Nice one, proud of you.

thehappybutterfly

Honestly summerjazz, I thought you were my sister and I read your post very carefully before figuring out you're not. My sister is a SAHM. Her hubby earns a very good wage and is generous with the money he gives my sister to both pay the bills and for her to spend on herself and the little one. My sister is terrible with money and she has credit card debt to the tune of about £3k which her husband doesn't know about. She's too scared to tell him about it not because she's scared of him but because she knows he'll be ever so disappointed and angry because he hates debt. He's already working all hours to pay off the debt they created when they had a negative equity situation.

She just can't face telling him. While I don't condone hiding things from partners, especially finance, in this case, I agreed with her to not tell him. She definitely has the means to pay the debt back as she vastly overspends on food and clothes. I'm helping her out by giving her tips and advice on how to cut spending - in ways that her hubby wouldn't even notice. I think it's a good lesson for her to learn. She's never struggled with money having always been a high earner herself.

However, they're not in a position where their finances are about to be scrutinised or I would have advised her to confess before he found out from someone else.

I can say from experience that it's not easy to admit to unknown debt (I had to admit to £24k), it's not pretty but it's better out than in! You're in a good position in that you're able to demonstrate that you have got your spending under control and that you have enough money to pay it back yourself. A good lesson for you too if you take this debt on yourself without help.

Good luck x

ETA: just read your last post and I can see that you've done the deed. Well done!

Thrifty_Pixie

well done now two things:

1) have you cut up your credit card or closed the account?
2) have you paid off your catalogue and closed the account?

Pickle49

Well done. I guess that was probably the hardest conversation you ever had. It is horrible for the first few days, I questioned whether I had done the right thing in telling him. But then you turn the corner and the relief sets in. Fate intervened with me, two days after I confessed, I had a hospital appointment ( which I went to alone ) to have a check up on some skin cancer which had been treated and was supposed to have been cured..only to be told that it was back and there was more of it. When OH rang me to ask how I'd got on and I told him, it was like we realised that it wasn't worth being unhappy over something so trivial as money.
I know it's not trivial and being in debt causes a lot of misery, worry and unhappiness amongst people, but the point I'm trying to make is that if you love each other you will get through it and come to see that important as it is, there are far worse things to worry about. Xx
Ps. Just in case any of you are wondering and I know what a caring lot you are....the skin cancer is of an easily treatable non life threatening form, I have had further treatment for it, which so far seems to have been successful this time and everything's fine.

inthedeep

I just wanted to say well done.

I think, despite everything and however much it may upset or hurt the other person, honest is always the best policy. Imagine had you not told him how different you may have started acting around him, and how much of a strain this could have caused on your marriage.


Well done in telling him, I'm sure you did the best thing.


L x

summerjazz

Thank you everyone for the support I've received on here and for not judging me

Well, one week on and we have not only been approved for the new mortgage but have also closed the credit card account, dealt with the old overdraft, and paid off my catalogue. Happily, I am now debt free but still don't feel any relief or that I've turned a corner - just self hatred for having lied to my husband for so long. Once he was over the initial anger he was extremely helpful and remains so.

I now only have my current account and will show this to my husband on a regular basis.

As mentioned by others, this was without a doubt the hardest conversation I have ever had to have but honestly have learnt my lesson and will never take any sort of credit ever again. It just isn't worth it.

retepetsir

You paid it all off in a week? Well done, that's excellent!