Husband has left.....what do i do?

aylesburygirl

Hi

My husband of a year has just walked out...he said he is unhappy and fed up of arguing and that was it he left. I am in bits and have no idea what I should do, if I talk to him all he says is sorry and he doesnt know how he feels. He seems completly emotionally detached from it all and I dont know what to say or do, all I want is for him to give it one more go, slowly, and start to remember why we fell in love, but all I end up doing is crying and I think that is just pushing him away. Any advice?
x

TeamLowe

is your husband the father of your daughter?
if so i'd say give him the space he needs and then when he comes to see his daughter (in whatever arrangements you have) use it as family time to help him remember how happy your home can be.

lots of love, it must be so hard that he seems so cold. hopefully some time away will make him realise just how much he loves you.

aylesburygirl

Yes he is the father which makes it hard as obviously I have to talk to him which ends in tears, he wont come to the house to see her so I just have to drop her off where he is staying so he wont even spend time with me. Its all very unexpected and confusing.

podperson

That sounds like an awful situation. Would he consider going to counselling/mediation with you? It might help for you both to able to discuss things in a neutral environment and with someone to help you work through the issues. Even if he feels there is no chance of you getting back together it might still be worth it in order to try and preserve a civil relationship going forward for your daughter.
If you're struggling to say this to him as you get too upset then maybe write him a letter or an email?

tango

When people do the leaving they tend to become cold and distant, it is their way of getting on with what they think needs to be done. Counselling could be a way forward. But the chances are he has been thinking about this for a while and you will be in shock still and playing catch up as he will be further forward in this than you.

So that part whilst horrible is normal when people split. All I can say is take one day at a time, try and do things that take your mind of the situation. At this time in your life you will feel different emotions every day, don't try and predict the furture, that will send you mad and is pointless.

x

katie1812

I think the above replies are great, mediation/counselling. My sister in law and her husband went through a really hard patch, lots happened that was out of their control, plus had a baby and had to move house and they grew apart. They have had counselling and are so much closer and stronger now its brilliant. It made them realise why they were together and all the lovey stuff. I would definitely recommend it, I've seen that it works and anything is worth a try to try and save your marriage, good luck x

marisco_2

aylesburygirl wrote: »

My husband of a year has just walked out...he said he is unhappy and fed up of arguing and that was it he left. I am in bits and have no idea what I should do, if I talk to him all he says is sorry and he doesnt know how he feels. He seems completly emotionally detached from it all and I dont know what to say or do

Is he having some kind of breakdown? Could this be down to more than domestic arguments? Are other aspects of his life as okay as you thought they seemed? Could he have worries about his job, as in has redundancy or reducing of hours been advised by his employer.

It seems odd that a family man would just suddenly walk away from his wife and young child and want to be so distant and almost cold. For your childs sake you would hope he could find it in him to come to the house and be willing to talk to you and be civil.

When you next see him or talk to him stay very calm and try to talk things through. I agree with others in that counselling could be of a great help, either as a couple or individually.

teabag29

Is there anyone else involved perhaps?

aylesburygirl

Thanks all. I have suggested mediation or just talking to someone but he said no. He works long days and I know he gets knackered and I try and run the house look after our little girl and do extra work to ease the strain on money. I did wondered whether he was having a bit of a mid life crisis or could be depressed or stressed especially as he is so detached from it all. It feels like he doing everything to push me away and I'm such I wreck I don't know if I'm coming or going. I'm going to try and give him some space to see if maybe he will appreciate what we had....or that could back fire and he will walk further away. I don't think there is someone else purely because he works a lot and that's always been the same so not sure where another women would fit in.

marisco_2

Could you write him a letter? Less intrusive than wanting him to talk on the phone or see you face to face to discuss what is going on. It gives you the chance to put across all you are thinking and feeling. He can spend time mulling things over and it might help him find some clarity. Then once he does want to talk he will have had time to think over how he feels and know where you are coming from. I am so sorry you are going through all this and hope that you can sort it all out as a family really soon.