Family 'friend' stole money from dying mum

Hev106

Hi I was advised to post this in this section of the forum and I hope this is the right place to post this but am hoping that someone is able to point me in the right direction. Unfortunately my dear mum was taken to hospital in Dec 2012 and sadly passed away two weeks ago. As I live some five hours from her and my brother altho living in the same county was unable to visit every day due to shifts, a family 'friend' (I use the term very loosely) whom we have known for over 20 years visited daily as he worked close to the hospital/hospice and also took his wife with him at weekends to visit mu which both my brother and I were grateful for. However four days prior to her death it came to light that the 'friend' had been helping himself to money from her account to the tune of £4000 over two months. We know it wasnt mum as she was bed bound and certainly could not be in her home town at 10pm at night! When we spoke to mum she confirmed that she had given her card to him on three occasions to withdraw money in order for her to top up her phone and buy some toiletries. We spoke with the hospice staff and the resident social workers and safeguarding was then put in place around this 'friend' we also found out that he claimed to be the stepson!!!! The matter was also reported to her bank and police, but sadly the police have stated that as mum had given permission on three occasions as stated to us and was not in a state of mind for them to speak to on reporting this matter and was now sadly deceased, the suspect would say that he had been given permission. The 'friend' has been confronted about this since the police stated they would do nothing and he insisted that mum had told him to take the money out and he had given it to her except for the money she insisted he kept to tax his car and buy his tobacco!!!! Funny if he gave her the money why there was only a few pounds in her purse when she passed away, maybe he is trying to say the hospice staff stole the £4000 as it appears to have vanished into thin air!! Funnily enough for someone who is insisting he was not fleecing my mother he has offered to pay the money back - maybe its just my way of thinking but if I was claiming I had legtimate right to the money then why would I offer to pay it back?? anyhow, as he has now stated he will pay it back I need to get something in writing from him and I believe there is some sort of template letter I can use headed without prejudice asking him to make an arrangement to do so or agreeing to the terms my brother and I set and giving him 28 days to respond otherwise we can take him to the small claims court? Can anyone advise as to whether or not there is
a) such a draft/template on here that I can use and
b) confirm I can persue via the small claims court

Many thanks for any help you can offer, as I am sure you can guess both my brother and I feel guilty at allowing this to happen under our noses and any monies recovered will go to my mums great grandchildren but the worst thing of all that really sticks in our throats is the breach of trust we had in this 'friend'. You always think it would never happen to you but it does and it really hurts to discover this. Thankfully my poor mum never found out the whole truth about what this snake in the grass did, but if this warns anyone other person to take more care around their most valuable persons then it will hopefully save a lot of heartache x

Heather x

BitterAndTwisted

You need to write something along the lines of:

"With regard to the £4000 lent to me by *** (mother's name) during her time in the hospital/hospice, I hereby agree that all sums owed will be paid by me in full by X date."

Have it dated and dual-signed (you and the "friend") and witnessed by someone else who is not family to either party. Then, once they default you can start proceedings in court.

I suspect that you will find that once that letter is put in front of the "friend" they will claim that the money was a gift, and taken with full permission. Then, you won't see a penny of it.

*Robin*

hev106 wrote: »

Hi I was advised to post this in this section of the forum and I hope this is the right place to post this but am hoping that someone is able to point me in the right direction.

Unfortunately my dear mum was taken to hospital in Dec 2012 and sadly passed away two weeks ago.

As I live some five hours from her and my brother altho living in the same county was unable to visit every day due to shifts, a family 'friend' (I use the term very loosely) whom we have known for over 20 years visited daily as he worked close to the hospital/hospice and also took his wife with him at weekends to visit mu which both my brother and I were grateful for.

However four days prior to her death it came to light that the 'friend' had been helping himself to money from her account to the tune of £4000 over two months. We know it wasnt mum as she was bed bound and certainly could not be in her home town at 10pm at night!

When we spoke to mum she confirmed that she had given her card to him on three occasions to withdraw money in order for her to top up her phone and buy some toiletries. We spoke with the hospice staff and the resident social workers and safeguarding was then put in place around this 'friend' we also found out that he claimed to be the stepson!!!!

The matter was also reported to her bank and police, but sadly the police have stated that as mum had given permission on three occasions as stated to us and was not in a state of mind for them to speak to on reporting this matter and was now sadly deceased, the suspect would say that he had been given permission.

The 'friend' has been confronted about this since the police stated they would do nothing and he insisted that mum had told him to take the money out and he had given it to her except for the money she insisted he kept to tax his car and buy his tobacco!!!!
Funny if he gave her the money why there was only a few pounds in her purse when she passed away, maybe he is trying to say the hospice staff stole the £4000 as it appears to have vanished into thin air!!

Funnily enough for someone who is insisting he was not fleecing my mother he has offered to pay the money back - maybe its just my way of thinking but if I was claiming I had legtimate right to the money then why would I offer to pay it back??

anyhow, as he has now stated he will pay it back I need to get something in writing from him and I believe there is some sort of template letter I can use headed without prejudice asking him to make an arrangement to do so or agreeing to the terms my brother and I set and giving him 28 days to respond otherwise we can take him to the small claims court?
Can anyone advise as to whether or not there is
a) such a draft/template on here that I can use and
b) confirm I can persue via the small claims court

Many thanks for any help you can offer, as I am sure you can guess both my brother and I feel guilty at allowing this to happen under our noses and any monies recovered will go to my mums great grandchildren but the worst thing of all that really sticks in our throats is the breach of trust we had in this 'friend'.
You always think it would never happen to you but it does and it really hurts to discover this. Thankfully my poor mum never found out the whole truth about what this snake in the grass did, but if this warns anyone other person to take more care around their most valuable persons then it will hopefully save a lot of heartache x

Heather x

Hope this is now easier to read.