Separation - What do i have to pay for ??

spire2003

My wife had a stroke about 3 1/2 years ago & our relationship since that time has gradually deteriorated so much that i have decided it is best in both our interests that i should leave the marital home. To cut a long story short she is sueing her Drs for clinical negligence. If she wins her case she will be in line for a 6 figure sum. As i have been her carer since the stroke i have told her & her solicitor that i will wait until after her case has been resolved before i leave. Part of the case involves future care needs so she would be in a position to pay for what she needs. She needs very little personal care but cannot do much housework or other things around the home. She can make basic snacks but not a main cooked dinner. The reason i cannot continue to live in the marital home is because of the way she treats me. I am nothing more than a servant to her. She demands things & does not ask but expects. She will not use her DLA to buy anything for herself or contribute to any bills. I have to pay for everything. She has a go at me for what i say & what i do. Whatever she has is never enough, she always demands more. I have 2 part time jobs so she is not alone for too long. I also receive 2 small pensions from previuos jobs. She has made accusations against me to people , including her solicitor, that are not true & it is very hurtful. Basically what i need to know is what i would be expected to pay for when i leave. I would try to help her sort out her finances but i know because of how spiteful she is with me she will not want to discuss. I have always dealt with the finances as she is no good with budgeting. If she wants something & the money is there then she has it.

BitterAndTwisted

If you leave she will have to support herself with whatever income she has. A case could be made that you'll need to provide her with some maintenance as she has now become your dependent but should she succeed in getting this hoped-for compo that would seriously weaken any argument that she will continue to be your dependent.

What is she doing with this DLA of hers if she isn't spending any of it on living expenses?

Do you own your own home or are you renting?

silvercar

Have you tried counselling?

peachyprice

Is this a change in personality due to her stroke or has she always been this way?

spire2003

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

If you leave she will have to support herself with whatever income she has. A case could be made that you'll need to provide her with some maintenance as she has now become your dependent but should she succeed in getting this hoped-for compo that would seriously weaken any argument that she will continue to be your dependent.

What is she doing with this DLA of hers if she isn't spending any of it on living expenses?

Do you own your own home or are you renting?

In answer to DLA she does not spend it but keeps it to herself. If she wants anything i pay for it out of our joint account that she puts nothing into.

Yes we own our home ( 10k mortgage )

spire2003

peachyprice wrote: »

Is this a change in personality due to her stroke or has she always been this way?

She has always been quite difficult, but bearable. A lot of her personality change could be due to the stroke but that doesn't make life any easier. We are both 55 & i can't bear the though of another possible 20 years of her vicious & spiteful nature towards me. I have done my best to look after her & have asked for no help from anyone.

spire2003

silvercar wrote: »

Have you tried counselling?

No. It would be a waste of time as my wife would argue black is white. In the words of Margaret Thatcher " The ladys not for turning " In the 3 1/2 years since her stroke she has not thanked me once for the help i have given her. I dont expect her to grovel but an occasional thankyou would have been nice. She says i only helped her after her stroke to make me look good to other people. She has told people a lot of things that are not true & it hurts. She has cast a shadow on my character to her solicitor, barrister etc. The only thing keeping me going is the fact that family members, both mine & hers, know that a lot of what she says is not true. Situations that are not entirely untrue have been vastly over exaggerated to make me seem like a baddie. She has accused me of punching her, pinching her & pushing her over. These occasions were when she first had her stroke & i had to do everything for her. I know her accusations have no merit but to a complete stranger told the story mud sticks !!!

BitterAndTwisted

Does she realise that you could leave, go to court to force a sale and leaver her with half of the equity in the house? Then, she'd have no choice other than to spend her DLA on both paying for what care she needs and all of her other living expenses out of it.

I suggest that you set up a standing-order into a savings-account in your name only and start squirreling money away for when you decide you've had enough and pack it all in.

No-one should have to tolerate being treated the way you do, ill wife or not.

peachyprice

spire2003 wrote: »

She has always been quite difficult, but bearable. A lot of her personality change could be due to the stroke but that doesn't make life any easier. We are both 55 & i can't bear the though of another possible 20 years of her vicious & spiteful nature towards me. I have done my best to look after her & have asked for no help from anyone.

Have you spoken to her doctors about the change in her personality?

On the one hand it would be a shame to walk out on her if there was any way to find the woman you married and presumably loved 20 years ago underneath the troubled person she has become today.

On the other hand I can completely understand that for your own sanity you cannot carry on living under these circumstances, life sounds terrible at the moment.

BitterAndTwisted

He's already told her that once she gets this compo, he's off. That's not a strategy that's guaranteed to make a vile, vicious and ungrateful harpy behave any better.

I'd be looking into getting some paid care for her, even if I had to pay for it myself. Or just cutting down on some of the care I provide. Combined with squirreling money away, and withdrawing her access to the joint-account because it's been closed, she'd soon have to buck her ideas up.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow

Spousal support is gradually being phased out now so you won't have to pay anything.

All family assets will be divided and the starting point for this is 50/50. Hope that clarifies things.