Why is it.........

Sue292

That since we started money saving in January, that the few things that me and my husband do that are wants not needs are followed by a few days of guilt tripping!!! We went for a drink at my sisters last night for a drink (bought a bottle of wine, which was much cheaper than going to the pub, so I was happy with that and considered it a saving) - Someone suggested a chinese takeaway - I looked at the menu and ended up buying the cheapest meal that I could see (Hahahaha CHICKEN AND CHIPS!!!!) My husband took advantage of the fact that I wasnt prepared to argue in front of others about the price of what he ordered....(his did look really nice when it came though!!)..... I spent the rest of the evening and all day today feeling guilty about what we spent which kind of spoilt the actual buying of the takeaway. Im so worried about slipping back into the old careless wasteful spending ways.

~Beanie~

I think you should be able to treat yourself to a bottle of wine and a takeaway every now and then without feeling guilty. Unless you do it every night, I doubt you will slip back into your old wasteful ways.

The way I see it, if you didn;t have a treat every now and then, you would soon get fed up of money saving and be more likely to slip back into old ways.

Treat yourself and don't feel guilty!

cutestkids

Hi OP

I understand your feelings as I was the same when I first started to look at my finances and pay off my debts.

It is easy for it to become all consuming the idea that every single penny should be used for debt or saved.

You really need to give yourself a treat though because as I found out the other way is just not sustainable long term.

The fact that you went round with a bottle of wine rather than the pub where one glass would cost nearly as much shows that you are being sensible but you do still need to live a little bit.

Bobarella

Hello Sue292

Im a bit like you as well. I think I want the treat, but actually, when I've had it, I regret it. Rubbish guilt complex! I also happen to think that maybe its because, actually the thought of a takeaway is better than the reality. I often think that when we've shelled out £25 for a family of 3 of us to eat a bunch of essentially fried crap, that I could have fed us all nutrionally at home for a third of the price. But I think half the joy of a takeaway is not having to cook isnt it? Rambling but just wanted to say I get it, and I really think until I pay the final penny off my debts, I wont feel good about anything that doesnt help me to that end.

Bob

bigblue2

~Beanie~ wrote: »

I think you should be able to treat yourself to a bottle of wine and a takeaway every now and then without feeling guilty. Unless you do it every night, I doubt you will slip back into your old wasteful ways.

The way I see it, if you didn;t have a treat every now and then, you would soon get fed up of money saving and be more likely to slip back into old ways.

Treat yourself and don't feel guilty!

i agree 100%, its exactly the same as dieting i think , cut out every treat and eventually the craving will overwhelm you, a small treat now and again is good .........something to look forward to

Sue292

Thanks for replying everyone - I really do have to find the balance between the saving/paying off debts and having the occasional treat - I do like a wind down friday evening drink, which we have taken to having at my sisters rather than the pub - Ive bought the cheapest wine I could find to try (It was horrible!!!) and settled for the Asda 3 for £10 ones which arent too bad - and last for 3 weeks.......My husband has changed his choice of drink and appears to be happy with this too. We normally treat ourselves to a saturday afternoon coffee in town but didnt go today because of last night - I know that I will get over it in the next few days but for today I will feel bad I know.... Trying to save where we can has got a bit addictive (In a good way and generally we both enjoy looking for savings in our day to day lives).

Oh well - Onwards and upwards - (I wont be able to help looking harder for savings this week to try and recoup what we spent last night though!!

katy_ann

You need a treat every now and then otherwise I think we would all explode! x

CurlyTop

Hi Sue

Having been on my dmp for 11 years (coming to an end in September this year), it's the easiest thing in the world to beat yourself up over the money spent, especially when you think where you could have spent it elsewhere. As its early days for you, this is probably why you are feeling a bit guilty also.

What I would say, having been doing it for so long is to allow yourself a treat, otherwise your life will become focussed solely on work and debt reduction. Don't get me wrong, I've been focussed on it all along and would have reached my goal a few years ago except I had to reduce my dmp due to reduction in hours due to ill health and husband's reduction in hours, so I had to take over some of the bills he had previously been paying.

If you don't allow yourself some treats you will drive yourself nuts. Look at ways of reducing your outgoings, gas and electric providers, phone providers, insurance for house and home. Change the way you shop. Put a portion of the money you have saved aside for treats. Also, look at ways of 'treating' yourself with little cost - museum, art gallery, when the weather gets warmer - picnic or long walk out, cheap tickets at the cinema, use the library instead of buying books (if you like reading). For birthdays, if asked what you want - suggest some of the treats you like.

You've started the journey and that's the main thing. With time, support from the boards here and experience, you will find a way to redress the balance. Best of luck with you and yours.

DD265

I agree with the others - you have to allow yourself some treats some how. It's great if you can find low cost/free ones, but that's not always possible.

I set aside a specific amount each week which is my "non-budgeted spend" - I have that £15 a week to play with and whatever's left goes into a bigger treat pot and I save up for what I want.

This way, I don't have to feel guilty because I have set a limit that I can afford, but also I am less likely to splurge because I know that if I'm patient, I'll have the money in one/two/three weeks for the thing that I want.

supersavershal

We are one month in to our DMP, there was murder in my house the other day because OH bought a magazine! I have calmed down now, it took 3 days but ive realised we have to have a treat now and again and not feel guilty about it, we are doing everything we can to pay our debts off and the guilt is hard to deal with.

Sue292

Thanks so much for all of your replies, its much appreciated - Im going to sit with my husband today and look at money we could allow ourselves for "wants" - Ive calculated that I spend £13.34 per month on alcohol - My husband spends a bit more - around £20 per month - Im thinking I may ask how he feels about not doing the coffee treat on saturdays (we normally spend £4 odd on coffees) and then we could have a takeaway every month - I just looked at the figures Ive just written and it looks excessive but before the new year we were going out every week for the evening and spending £100+ as well as takeaway through the week and have significantly reduced our "want" outgoings - We are both avid readers and used to pick books up on a regular basis at WHS as well as magazines - We now go to the library on a regular basis instead. Supersavershal, I know what you mean!!!! My husband only has to walk towards a "want" in a shop and I feel myself tense up!!!!!

Im so bouyed up with the fact that we have just cleared a massive overdraft, Im keen to start hitting the credit card now and dont want to slip from all the good work we have done so far. I find it quite sad that through nobody elses fault but our own we have got into this mess in the first place.

Looking back at those figures above we are allowing ourselves around £55 per month on treats - Which works out at less than £15 per week - Which dosent look too bad when I see it like that...